HUMOR BREAK - Cows and Politics..........

I know this is an old one.. but one of my soldiers e-mailed it to me, and it made me chuckle, so I am passing it on..

A CHRISTIAN DEMOCRAT: You have two cows. You keep one and give one to your neighbor.

A SOCIALIST: You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.

AN AMERICAN DEMOCRAT: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful. You vote people into office who tax your cows, forcing you to sell one to raise money to pay the tax. The people you voted for then take the tax money and buy a cow and give it to your neighbor. You feel righteous.

A COMMUNIST: You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you with milk.

A FASCIST: You have two cows. The government seizes both and sells you the milk. You join the underground and start a campaign of sabotage.

DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. The government taxes you to the point you have to sell both to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was a gift from your government.

CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.

BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, then pours the milk down the drain.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead.

A FRENCH CORPORATION: You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create clever cow cartoon images called Cowkimon and market them World-Wide.

A GERMAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You reengineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

A BRITISH CORPORATION: You have two cows. They are mad. They die. Pass the shepherd's pie, please.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You break for lunch.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

A SWISS CORPORATION: You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you. You charge others for storing them.

A BRAZILIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You enter into a partnership with an American corporation. Soon you have 1000 cows and the American corporation declares bankruptcy.

A CHINESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported on them.

AN ISRAELI CORPORATION: There are these two Jewish cows, right? They open a milk factory, an ice cream store, and then sell the movie rights. They send their calves to Harvard to become doctors. So, who needs people?

A cowboy named Bud was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture in
California when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced toward him out of a cloud of
dust.

The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Bucci shoes, RayBan sunglasses and YSL
tie, leaned out the window and asked the cowboy, “If I tell you exactly how many
cows and calves you have, will you give me a calf?”

Bud looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks his at peacefully grazing herd
and calmly answers, “Sure, why not?”

The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his
Cingular RAZR V3 cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the internet, where he
calls up a GPS satellite to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to
another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution Photo..

The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it
to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany...

Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has
been processed and the data stored.. He then accesses an MS-SQL database
through an ODBC connected Excel Spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry and,
after a few minutes, receives a response.

Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP
Laser Jet printer, turns to the cowboy and says, “You have exactly 1,586 cows
and calves.”

“That’s amazing. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves, “says Bud.

He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on with
amusement as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.

Then Bud says to the young man, “Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your
business is will you give me back my calf?”

The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, “Okay, why not?”

“You’re a congress man for the U.S. Government”, says Bud.

“Wow! That’s correct,” says the yuppie, “but how did you guess that?”

“No guessing required,” answered the cowboy. “You showed up here even
though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew,
to a question I never asked. You used millions of dollars worth of equipment
trying to show me how much smarter than me you are; and you don’t know a
thing about how working people make a living - or about cows for that matter.

This is a flock of sheep!

Now, give me back my dog.”

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