Posted on 12/29/2001 12:17:05 AM PST by Reaganwuzthebest
Dear Doc,
I have a very cool wife. She's gorgeous. We have mutually high romantic Interest Level [degree of love] in each other. She has a fantastic attitude. She's flexible. She's a giver. She's as loyal and trustworthy as a police dog. She's intelligent, sophisticated and a very talented singer and songwriter. In fact, we perform and sing together at different coffeehouses in Southern California.
It's the best relationship I've ever had in my life and it just seems to get better and better as the months go by. We've been married now for ten months and I can't believe how much I love married life.
There's just one little thing she does that seems to be a slight problem, and I'm not sure how to deal with it. Every once in awhile, and I really do mean every once in awhile, like maybe once every three weeks or so, she'll tell me to do something rather than ask me. It's almost like she's giving me an order. She only does it once and then it doesn't happen again for weeks.
The last time it happened we were about to go to sleep and she said, "Turn off the bathroom light." She didn't say; "Would you turn off the bathroom light?" or "Honey, can you turn off the bathroom light?" She just said it like a command: "Turn off the bathroom light."
When she does that, it just throws me for a loop and I don't know what to say or do. The way I've been handling it is that I wait about a minute or so (so that I don't look like I'm just jumping through hoops) and then I do what she wants. But I think there's probably a better way to handle the situation. I'd like to respond in a way that shows her the error of her ways without seeming like I'm uptight and out of control. Any suggestions, Doc?
Franko -- who wants to deal with all this
doc love's answer:
Hi Franko,
In every romantic male/female relationship, there are always going to be minor things that each partner does that irritate the other. There's no such thing as an absolutely perfect relationship, no such thing as two people being 100% compatible.
Salute her:
So, on the one hand, you could say, "Gee, she has a fantastic attitude 99.2% of the time, and once every three weeks she acts like a traffic cop for one minute. I can live with that." But, I say, it's worth testing to see if you can eliminate her annoying habit of ordering you around. It's better to eliminate any potential for feeling resentment, if possible.
I recommend letting her know that her behavior is unacceptable in a playful and humorous way. The idea is to take a stand without being reactive or whiney or pouty. So the next time she gives you an order, you can say something like: "Yes, sir Master Drill Sergeant, sir!'
Get right in her face, snap to attention and salute her. (Make a mockery of the situation.) Then follow her instructions. Next, go back to her and say, "Task completed Master Drill Sergeant, sir, Private Franko awaiting further orders, sir." That will get your message across.
It's a laughing matter:
When you do a skit like this, you're setting limits and letting her know that her behavior is unacceptable without coming off as an uptight Macho Boy. Using humor is the best approach and it's often very effective.
Then, if she happens to give you another order in the months that follow, drive home your message again with a different comedy skit. When she says: "Bring me the telephone," say, "Yes Master, this little puppy dog can fetch better and faster than any other doggie on the block.
If I'm really quick will I get a doggie biscuit for a reward?" Say this as you fall to your knees, pant and grovel. And as you adopt this physical posture, give her a great big grin the way Dennis Quaid would. Hopefully, after that, she'll terminate her unloving behavior.
Remember, guys, if she's chronically doing something you don't like, use humor to change her.
Prepping for Y2K and discussing all of the stuff we had, Trill asked me a question. "You have how many thousands of rounds set aside for my pistol, and NO chocolate?!"
We added several types of chocolate to our supplies before the sun set. Grin!
/john
And SMILE when you say that....no, wait.....WIPE THAT SMILE OFF YOUR FACE, YOU HEAR ME?????
*grinding stiletto heel in small of .45MAN's back.....*
Now, where were we?
Oh, it's real allright! ...this is the first time I has anyone really look at it.
Islam seems very cultish to me. Some of the followers want every minute of their lives controlled by the "clerics".
Thank goodness I checked the posts before asking the exact same question tet68 did. This is really frightening. I also found a Muslim site, it was not so graphic, I was reading the part for teens. All castigating each other "you must wear the hajib" "I don't want to" whatever. They did sound like real teens, and I can't see why anyone would sit and make up hundreds of fake Muslim teenager posts. (Teenage Mutant Ninja Muslims?)
I'm not at all sure that calling Islam a cult isn't paying it a huge compliment. The more I learn about this religion, especially the more I learn about this religion's views on other religions, the more it frightens me.
We may not think we're at war with Islam, but the fact may be that we are.
We have a deal. He takes out the trash when he's not out of town...and I clean the toilets. OK with you?
I saw one answer a couple of weeks ago that said that forcing sex on the wife(s) was OK. Since 9/11 I have been reading a lot and looking around the net. I've even gone to middle eastern sites and then used Arabic-English translators. I just did not believe that Islam was evil. But after seeing what I have seen and talking to "women of cover" I was really wondering. Certainly no religion would teach such things. The bottom line? The "Ask the Imam" site is tame in some ways. Islam is scary to me because at it's core it takes away self-determination and self-control and replaces it with external controls seem to be almost a form of Pavlovian conditioning.
Islam in it's most benign form is anti-American. By that, I mean that it's total converse to our founding fathers design for this country. In it's more radical form it's cancerous to a free republic.
Man that site is a laugh riot! Bookmarked! It has kept me entertained for about an hour now, and I've only read the tip of the iceberg.
Welcome to Ask-Imam.com, the online fatwa resource!
LOL! Those crazy mohommadans!
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