26 Things the Movies have taught us

a friend | 9-29-2001

[Spok]

Bullets inflict only flesh wounds or fatal wounds-bones are never hit.

When a bunch of teenagers are threatened by a psychotic killer, the only thing they can think of doing is to split up so they can be picked off one at a time.

You can't be sure the bad guy is dead until the credits roll.

[WhiteGuy]

Classic.

Tanks!

[Burkeman1]

Bump!

[PJ-Comix]

If you are named Ensign Smith in a Star Trek movie and are beamed to a planet with Kirk, Spock, and Bones, then you are doomed to die within minutes.

[Burkeman1]

That was great. Thanks.

[Poohbah]

My personal favorite:

All United States nuclear weapons have a device in the arming, fuzing, and firing system known as a "Permissive Action Link" or PAL.

This device is a marvel of electronic technology, with extensive anti-tampering features. To arm the weapon, you must enter in the correct 12-digit code. If you enter in three consecutive wrong codes, you will render the weapon completely inert and unable to detonate.

The PAL is the product of many hundreds of man-years of engineering work by some of the brightest minds in the US, and has been rigorously and thoroughly tested.

Unfortunately, all you need to bypass the PAL device is a pair of wire cutters, some Krazy Glue, a multimeter, and a self-defense electric stun gun.

[CFC__VRWC]

22. All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off.

And they're also fitted with 90 decibel beepers that go off once a second. STILL, no one can find the damned thing except for the hero, who used to beat the out of the bad guy, but nowadays only figures out the bomb's location after making some wildly counter-intuitive leap of logic.

[PJ-Comix]

The bad guy takes so long to explain to the good guy why he has to kill him that the good guy has time to figure out how to overwhelm the bad guy.

[CFC__VRWC]

except for the hero, who used to beat the info out of the bad guy, ...

[Wolfstar]

For some reason, Hollywood has a thing for feet. When they can't think of any other way to build suspense or fear, they focus on someone's feet creeping around in the dark or down the hall. When they don't want you to know the identity of the killer too soon, they focus on the killer's feet.

[PJ-Comix]

Japanese naval warships operated without any crews---In Harm's Way.

[PJ-Comix]

All the fights in John Wayne movies are loads of fun. And smashing a chair or a bottle over someone's head won't permanently harm them. They will just make a funny face before passing out.

[Pukin Dog]

Did you know that in order to become a great Fighter pilot, you have to have a dad who previously screwed up, or did something so wrong that no one can talk about it?

Did you know that real dogfighting is done in formation at speeds under 300kts, and not at distances of .5-1-2 miles apart, and that once you get a lock, dammit, thats it, the sucker is going down?

Did you know that if your section leader flakes out, it means that YOU, former notorious flake, earn a ticket to TopGun?

Did you know that Tomcat engines (TF-30's) only flamed out in turbulent jet wash air, and not calm, cool, NORMAL air?

Did you know that if you paint an F-5 black, it will pull sustained G-loads better than an F-14?

I could go on forever, but I didnt know any of these things until I saw TopGun the movie.

[Positive]

"When you are being chased by someone in a car make sure you run in a straight line as everyone knows a car is more maneuverable than a person on foot."

Also: Most folks seem to be able to out run an automobile for several blocks, then eventually the automobile overruns them (not runs over).

[Poohbah]

Did you know that the Navy didn't require its personnel to wear helmets while riding motorcycles?

Did you know that you could buzz the tower without clearance and not get an instant FNAEB?

True story: I was on wheels-watch at El Toro when the CO of VMA-311 planted an A-4M on the runway, having missed only one teensy-weensy item on the checklist...

"Gear down and locked."

I had hit the waveoff lights, shouted, "GEAR! GEAR! GEAR! POWER POWER!" on the radio, and fired the flares.

He pancaked the sucker down onto the runway.

At the FNAEB and the Board of Inquiry, he insisted that he hadn't heard my warning because of the horn going off in the cockpit. (It was, of course, the "Gear Up" warning horn.)

Three years later, I was boarding a Delta flight to go home on leave. The pilot was none other than our hero...

I asked him, in front of God and everyone in first class, "Yo, sport, you going to remember to lower the landing gear this time?"

Why was everyone staring at me as I went back to my seat?

[Positive]

"Not necessarily, for as we all know all white middle aged conservative businessmen or pastors are homocidal manics or are cheating on their wives. The is especailly true if they live in a small southern town and are christian. Of course it goes without saying that they are also the head of the local KKK."

Exactly, and if a CEO of a large corporation says more than one line in a movie then he is definitely a murderous, crooked thug...the arch vilian of the movie.

[Positive]

"Not necessarily, for as we all know all white middle aged conservative businessmen or pastors are homocidal manics or are cheating on their wives. The is especailly true if they live in a small southern town and are christian. Of course it goes without saying that they are also the head of the local KKK."

Exactly, and if a CEO of a large corporation says more than one line in a movie then he is definitely a murderous, crooked thug...the arch vilian of the movie.

[Positive]

"Not necessarily, for as we all know all white middle aged conservative businessmen or pastors are homocidal manics or are cheating on their wives. The is especailly true if they live in a small southern town and are christian. Of course it goes without saying that they are also the head of the local KKK."

Exactly, and if a CEO of a large corporation says more than one line in a movie then he is definitely a murderous, crooked thug...the arch vilian of the movie.

[Pukin Dog]

Shhhhhhh!

I'm going to Delta too, sport.

However, the 777 will yell at you if you forget the gear. Hell, that thing will yell at you if you forget to pluck your nose hair.

[Poohbah]

However, the 777 will yell at you if you forget the gear. Hell, that thing will yell at you if you forget to pluck your nose hair.

Eventually, the 777 will say, "Keep your cotton-pickin' hands offa the controls on final, buddy, you planted me WAY too hard last week at LAX."