26 Things the Movies have taught us

a friend | 9-29-2001

[Dan Day]

The easiest way to kill someone is to put a pillow over their face for ten seconds.

Yeah, what's with that? I've done informal tests, and have yet to find a pillow I can't breathe through.

[Brett66]

A martial artist in the final fight of a tournament will get his ass kicked severely by the bad guy until he has a flashback and his trainer or girlfriend spouts a cliche that motivates him. He then picks himself up, shrugs off all effects of being beaten earlier and promptly trounces the bad guy.

[Dan Day]

Liberals have no sense of humour.

You've noticed that too, eh?

The only kind of "humor" they seem to actually enjoy is making fun of conservatives.

I spent several years on the talk.politics.guns discussion newsgroup, and one thing that always struck me was just how dour and grumpy the anti-gunners were. Meanwhile, the pro-gun people were constantly cracking jokes and being witty.

[MistrX]

You are so right on both counts. The other thing I never saw was a toilet seat.

[MistrX]

In the old Batman TV series, when all else failed, reversing the polarity invariably saved the day.

[Arthur McGowan]

All computers make beeping noises that correspond with every keystroke seen on the monitor, even though if real computers actually did this, 99% of us would go bonkers after 5 minutes of that crap.

The first PC's (1979-ca. 1983)did beep--and it drove everyone crazy.

Also, geeks operating computers in the movies--breaking security codes, coming up with secret passwords, calculating the trajectory of an incoming ICBM--always pound furiously and noisily on the keyboard, never using the mouse.

[MistrX]

Let's see, was that red before blue and you're surely through or blue before red and you're surely dead?

[LJLucido]

All police investigations must visit a strip joint at least once.

At least that's what I always told my captain! LOL!

[Dan Day]

All bombers use the universal wire color coding system for wiring their device.

Just once I'd like to see the bad guy build a bomb mechanism consisting of nothing but 64 identical red wires.

Another bomb cliche: Upon discovering the bomb, the hero can phone a bomb expert, say "I see three wires on some sort of timer thingy", and the expert can then immediately recognize the bomb's design and talk the hero through the intricate disarming process.

[#3Fan]

Oh! NOW I get it! ;^)

Not since about the early 90's, anyway. :^)

[Cagey]

click here to be transported to THREAD TWO. .

[lowbridge]

BTW-it was rolling straight for another car and right before it hit, it mysteriously swerved and hit a fire hydrant.

Wow, that was lucky. ;^)

[Dan Day]

Audiences can be fooled that a totally hot babe is actually homely merely by pulling the woman's hair back and slapping on some ugly glasses.

Corollary: In a movie which has "the homely/ordinary girl" competing against "the hot babe", the "homely/ordinary" girl will be fully 90% as attractive as the babe, and 500% better looking than the average woman on the street in real life (e.g. "The Truth About Cats and Dogs", "Head Over Heels", "Some Kind of Wonderful", etc. etc.)

Variation: The "just one of the guys" tomboy will be Playboy centerfold material, but her guy pals will never have really even thought of her as female before (e.g. "Miss Congeniality", etc.)

All alien races on Star Trek are perfectly identical to human beings in every respect, except their foreheads are f**ked up somehow.

All alien females have amazing breasts, even the lizards.

Since the law was passed in 1985 in Hollywood, all police captains, chiefs, etc. must be African-American.

Prior to that, the law required that they be Irish.

The Irish captain in the 1997 film "L. A. Confidential" is the exception that proves the rule, because it was set in the 1950's.

All computers make beeping noises that correspond with every keystroke seen on the monitor, even though if real computers actually did this, 99% of us would go bonkers after 5 minutes of that crap.

They can also project the contents of the screen display onto the people at the keyboard, so that you can actually see letters scroll across their faces (e.g. "Jurassic Park" and many others).

[lowbridge]

All criminal masterminds and spies choose a very public place to discuss their top secret diabolical plans like in a library or a Museum. And no matter how much they keep their voices lowered, their voices loudly echo and bounce off the walls of the cavernous rooms all the while ordinary everyday tourists walk right by them.

[Dan Day]

All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French bread.

Or celery

[RandallFlagg]

Or wine...

[ihatemyalarmclock]

"...TOP TEN OVERUSED DIALOGUE LINES IN SCI FI MOVIES..."

Hey, wait a minute! Captain Kirk used to live on lines like those!

Poor William Shatner -- he has a bad rug, he's a major investor in Priceline.Com, and he did that dramatic reading of "Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds."

Hasn't he suffered enough?

For that matter, haven't we? (wink)

[Richard Kimball]

Full-scale shootouts can occur in a major city. When the smoke clears, the survivors get in their cars and drive off. No cops ever show up.

Hate to bring reality into this, but it happens all the time in LA.

[Richard Kimball]

people who have jumped/been pushed from a tall building to their deaths will land on a parked vehicle

Ever see one land on a flag pole? Really gross.

[TC Rider]

Kirk: Go to alternative power

Scotty: Cap'n, how mina times do ah haf to tell ya?
Windmills dunna werk in space!