Free Republic
Browse · Search
News/Activism
Topics · Post Article

Skip to comments.

26 Things the Movies have taught us
a friend | 9-29-2001

Posted on 09/29/2001 6:47:22 AM PDT by Cagey

1. Large, loft-style apartments in New York City are well within the price range of most people--whether they are employed or not.

2. At least one of a pair of identical twins is born evil.

3. Should you decide to defuse a bomb, don't worry which wire to cut. You will always choose the right one.

4. Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communications system of any invading alien society.

5. It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts: your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.

6. When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in your bedroom will still be clearly visible, just slightly bluish.

7. If you are blonde and pretty, it is possible to become a world expert on nuclear fission at the age of 22.

8. Honest and hard-working policemen are traditionally gunned down three days before their retirement.

9. Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their arch-enemies using complicated machinery involving fuses, pulley systems, deadly gasses, lasers and man-eating sharks, which will allow their captives at least 20 minutes to escape.

10. All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets that reach the armpit level on a woman, but only to waist level on the man lying beside her.

11. All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French bread.

12. It's easy for anyone to land a plane, providing there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.

13. Once applied, lipstick will never rub off--even while scuba diving.

14. You're very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.

15. Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German or Russian officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language. A German or Russian accent will do.

16. The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.

17. A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating, but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.

18. If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown through it before long.

19. If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises in their most revealing underwear.

20. Computer monitors never display a cursor on screen but will always say: "Enter Password Now."

21. Even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments.

22. All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off.

23. A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.

24. If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you meet will know all the steps.

25. Police departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.

26. When they are alone, all foreign military officers prefer to speak to each other in English.


TOPICS: Miscellaneous; Political Humor/Cartoons
KEYWORDS: lessons
Navigation: use the links below to view more comments.
first previous 1-20 ... 101-120121-140141-160 ... 261-262 next last
To: Cagey
All womens' underwear is purchased at Victoria's Secret and all men wear their boxers or briefs only once, never having to resort to the last pair of threadbare/stretched elastic worn ones left in the draw.
121 posted on 09/29/2001 9:15:56 AM PDT by DSHambone
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: JenB
When a car explodes, one tire will roll out of the flames.

Also, car explosions always, always, always happen when one person is standing just out of blast range to witness it. Usually they will have just realized, one second too late, that there is a bomb in the car and yelled "Noooooo!!!!" just before the blast.

And speaking of cars, people who have jumped/been pushed from a tall building to their deaths will land on a parked vehicle, dramatically crushing the roof.

122 posted on 09/29/2001 9:16:06 AM PDT by Dan Day
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 91 | View Replies]

To: Cagey
bump for later
123 posted on 09/29/2001 9:19:42 AM PDT by foreverfree
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Dan Day
Hehe... I was just watching "The Fifth Element" the other night and exactly that happened. Now that movie has a lot of cliches!

and Bruce Willis running around shooting people... be still my heart.

124 posted on 09/29/2001 9:22:30 AM PDT by JenB
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 122 | View Replies]

To: Dan Day
And speaking of cars, people who have jumped/been pushed from a tall building to their deaths will land on a parked vehicle, dramatically crushing the roof.

And the aim of such falling bodies is always dead center - absolute 10-ring accuracy. - or course their is always acceptable alternative - the falling body will center itself on the glass ceiling of the restaurant below, often landing on the piano or the ornamental fountain.

125 posted on 09/29/2001 9:24:54 AM PDT by DSHambone
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 122 | View Replies]

To: Cagey
27. Bad guys are bad shots.
126 posted on 09/29/2001 9:26:30 AM PDT by jalisco555
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: struwwelpeter
And no one calls another "Tovarishch".
127 posted on 09/29/2001 9:27:08 AM PDT by madrussian
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 3 | View Replies]

To: Junior
All cars explode on impact ...

Or when they're driven off the road.

128 posted on 09/29/2001 9:27:39 AM PDT by jalisco555
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 7 | View Replies]

To: fishbones
bump
129 posted on 09/29/2001 9:27:49 AM PDT by DSHambone
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Cagey
$20 million in small, unmarked bills will fit into a briefcase.
130 posted on 09/29/2001 9:27:54 AM PDT by Drew68
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Nea Wood
When a couple first wake up in the morning, they immediately want to smooch and make out, and nobody ever has "morning breath."

Or has to go to the bathroom first.

131 posted on 09/29/2001 9:29:45 AM PDT by jalisco555
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 17 | View Replies]

To: JenB
If the villain has a daugher, she will fall for the good guy.

And if the hero has a daughter she will be kidnapped.

132 posted on 09/29/2001 9:31:37 AM PDT by jalisco555
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 91 | View Replies]

To: budwiesest
LOL!

How about: 'Police chiefs are selected by their ability to fly off the handle and yell at their best cops and detectives on the force.'

"That man had rights, Callahan!!!"

133 posted on 09/29/2001 9:36:03 AM PDT by The KG9 Kid
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 116 | View Replies]

To: JenB
All police investigations must visit a strip joint at least once.
134 posted on 09/29/2001 9:36:22 AM PDT by Doctor Stochastic
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 124 | View Replies]

To: DSHambone
"... the falling body will center itself on the glass ceiling of the restaurant below, often landing on the piano or the ornamental fountain."

Bad guys land on spiked, ornamental wrought iron fences.

Good guys land on a passing box-bed truck hauling a pile of Goodwill clothes.

Comical sidekicks land on wedding cakes or the champagne tree. (Wedding cakes are always placed at one end of a table so that a body falling on the other end will catapult it into the air by lever-action)

135 posted on 09/29/2001 9:41:26 AM PDT by The KG9 Kid
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 125 | View Replies]

To: Cagey
No good guy ever falls off the roof of a moving train. The bad guy always gets hit by the tunnel. And even guys wearing prison chains run and catch up to the train, jump right on it and never fall under the wheels and lose their legs. (Didn't see any mention of trains on the other posts but was laughing so hard at some of them I might have missed it.)
136 posted on 09/29/2001 9:45:27 AM PDT by MaryD
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 134 | View Replies]

To: #3Fan
When a hero saves a woman by fighting a bad guy, the woman won't help the hero even when the bad guy ends up on top and starts winning the fight.

Unless, she is wearing 3 inch heels whereby she takes one of them off and beans the bad guy with it. Flats are only used to kill bugs on sit coms.

137 posted on 09/29/2001 9:48:05 AM PDT by Slyfox
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 120 | View Replies]

Even though localized evolutionary forces cause the faces of aliens from planets across the universe to look remarkably different, their bodies below the neck are all approximately the same size and shape.
138 posted on 09/29/2001 9:52:01 AM PDT by Orbiter
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 134 | View Replies]

To: Cagey
After a hundred-plus responses I lost the reference - but,
"The good guy can always knock out the bad guy with one punch..."

Unless the good guy is Bruce Willis or Mel Gibson ...

Also:
In any group of bad guys, at least one will be totally bald, one will have long stringy, usually blond, hair, their leader has an accent.

The smart one is usually black and probably knows what's wrong with the plot - that's a carry over from the "all chief's of detectives are black / all detective captains yell at their best detectives" dicta.

And,
The gayest looking guy in the movie is usually surrounded by women.

139 posted on 09/29/2001 9:55:51 AM PDT by norton
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Cagey
One round of 45acp will throw a man 5' through the air.

Two magazines of 45acp will throw a man 25' through the air.

All snipers shoot for the scope on the villians rifle, thus insuring a head shot in the right eye, no matter what the range.

Its a good idea to put a large, high powered optical system on a 9mm submachine-gun.

The perferred place to carry your machinegun or rocket launcher is in a guitar case.

140 posted on 09/29/2001 9:58:01 AM PDT by Double Tap
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]


Navigation: use the links below to view more comments.
first previous 1-20 ... 101-120121-140141-160 ... 261-262 next last

Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.

Free Republic
Browse · Search
News/Activism
Topics · Post Article

FreeRepublic, LLC, PO BOX 9771, FRESNO, CA 93794
FreeRepublic.com is powered by software copyright 2000-2008 John Robinson