How do you deal with people who refuse to wear a mask? Experts weigh in with advice

Pennlive ^ | 14 July A.D. 2020 | Sue Gleiter

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Perhaps you’re perusing the produce aisle at your favorite grocery store wearing a mask when suddenly you bump into a maskless shopper.

Or maybe while visiting Target, another shopper approaches you with a mask slung below their nose.

The coronavirus pandemic has created enough upheaval. Now, we’re all dealing with the social etiquette associated with wearing masks and social distancing.

In Pennsylvania, Gov. Tom Wolf and health secretary Dr. Rachel Levine ordered all residents to wear masks when out in public to help control the spread of COVID-19. They have likened masks to things like wearing shirts and shoes inside businesses that require them, or stopping at stop signs, saying people do those things not out of fear of punishment, but because they understand it’s the right thing.

Those who believe in wearing masks will inevitably encounter those who don’t, so what do you do? Do you stand your ground and urge them to strap on a face covering?

We turned to a few experts in the fields of communication, etiquette and psychology to get their take on this touchy subject.

Here’s what they had to say.

It’s probably best not to say anything

As much as you feel the urge to start pounding your fists in the air and yelling about the benefits of wearing a mask, experts caution to tread lightly.

“Tensions are extremely high about the virus to begin with. I would advise not to say anything. You have to be sensitive to the fact as to why they are not following the advice,” said Jacquelyn Youst, founder of the Pennsylvania Academy of Protocol in the Lehigh Valley.

Plus, she emphasized you don’t know their reasons for not wearing a mask, as some people can’t wear face coverings due to health issues.

“The best thing you want to do is separate yourself and leave,” Youst said.

What do you want to accomplish?

In addition, it’s a good idea to ask yourself what you want to accomplish, said Dr. Pauline Wallin, a psychologist in Camp Hill.

“Think about if someone is yelling at their kid at the store and you say stop yelling, they never say thank you. If you want to protect yourself, you move away,” she said.

Furthermore, if your goal is to teach someone a lesson, it’s not going to work because confronting them will only cause them to become defensive.

You probably aren’t going to convince them to suddenly join your side.

At this point in the pandemic, it’s safe to assume the majority of people are aware of mask orders, and those who aren’t following the rule have actively chosen not to comply or make it a priority, said Erina L. MacGeorge, professor of communication arts and sciences who specializes in interpersonal and health communication at Penn State University.

“Trying to shame or confront them, it may feel good but it’s not likely to be effective as a compliance-gaining strategy for the person who is not wearing a mask,” she said.

Confrontation only increases your health risks

We’ve all seen the news reports of altercations related to mask wearing. Angry customers and store clerks have been spit on, coughed on and fought with each other across the country over the issue of face masks or lack of them.

Generally, people feel the need to tell people to wear masks for the same reasons as public health officials, MacGeorge said. However, she noted in the eyes of another shopper you don’t have the authority.

Ultimately, experts warn by saying something you could start an altercation, which puts you at greater risk of exposure.

“I think from a public health stand point, I would recommend those who are wearing a mask to prioritize their own health and avoid those not wearing masks,” MacGeorge said.

nd, if you HAVE to say something

If you absolutely feel the need to say something, experts suggest it’s all in how you approach it.

“If you are brave enough, and you want to say something, depending on the situation and how you are feeling, defer it to health officials, ‘I believe we are supposed to be wearing a mask,’” Youst said.

It’s also acceptable to say something like, “Please stand back,” she said.

Likewise, Wallin said if someone gets close to you while you’re grabbing something off a store shelf, ask them to do you a favor and wait until you’re done.

“By asking someone to do a favor, it’s hard for them to say no,” she said.

MacGeorge recommends a similar approach by referencing your own health concerns when dealing with an encounter, especially with a person you can’t avoid.

“If you need to be in line with someone without a mask and they are too close, you could say something like ‘Excuse me, I have some health concerns, could you put on a mask or give me additional space?’” MacGeorge said.

By phrasing it as a favor, you make it more of a special request and don’t sound like you are blaming or attacking them, she added.

“Some will be jerks but it’s a polite way to do it,” she noted.

For those with droopy masks below the nose, Youst suggests either say nothing or, “I think we are supposed to have it over your nose.‘ It’s all in your delivery.”

What if a store employee is not wearing a mask?

Regulations for businesses are far more direct and have been practiced for longer.

“If you have to get close to employees who aren’t wearing a mask, it’s perfectly reasonable to ask them to put on a mask when in their vicinity,” MacGeorge said.

Wallin said she recently noticed a grocery store employee wearing a mask around their neck. Instead of complaining to the management, she said she approached another employee and told them to please tell their colleague to wear the mask.

It worked because the next time Wallin circled her cart past the department, she said the employee was wearing the mask. She said the approach removed her from a role of policing.

Take your business elsewhere

If employees are not wearing masks, leave and take your business somewhere else, or if feasible call the store’s corporate office and file a complaint, MacGeorge said.

If you’re feeling uncomfortable about speaking up in a store Youst advises to not make a scene. Instead, she suggests you could find out the company’s mask policy and defer to a manager.

In the end she agrees with MacGeorge, “If you feel uncomfortable, leave.”

What should employees do about customers not wearing masks?

Many businesses post signs asking shoppers to wear masks. Dave Young, a co-founder and director of training of conflict management firm told the National Retail Federation the key is to not escalate situations involving customers.

“The best thing to do is never let it get to that point. And I want to add — a lot of organizations don’t understand this — that it’s everybody’s job. It’s not about training supervisors to put the fire out. It’s about training the entire staff on how to not have the fire in the first place,” he said.

Boiled down, Young said it’s about using the proper tone, offering options, empathizing and giving them a chance to reconsider.

“Even if you do everything right on the front end, you’re not responsible for how they translate it. I’ve had situations where I’ve been very kind and considerate, and nothing worked. At some point, it comes time to take appropriate action, which might mean to leave and immediately call the police,” Young said.

Youst recommends it’s probably a good idea for businesses to have extra masks on hand to offer to customers.

How do you ask a close friend, family member or co-worker to wear a mask?

With friends, family and co-workers, MacGeorge said you at least have the presumption they will accommodate you, and that helps to avoid conversations about whether the virus is a hoax or ‘I hate your politics.‘”

The best approach is to say: “I understand you don’t wish to wear a mask, but I’m concerned about my health. I would appreciate it if you wear a mask or remain so many feet away from me when we talk,” she said.

Basically, MacGeorge said it’s asking one person to do a favor and accommodate the preferences of another, much like you would do for someone who is a vegetarian. As far as trying to educate them, your ability to work through it is going to depend on their knowledge and commitment to wearing a mask.

Conversations about masks often lead to arguments about viewpoints and politics. As far as presenting evidence on your viewpoints, she cautions not to do it in a public place.

“If you are going to chat with your dad about not wearing a mask, don’t do it when all the other siblings are around,” she said.

How can you convince people to wear masks?

“In terms of being the mask police, you aren’t going to change people’s minds, because their decision to wear or not wear a mask is not entirely based on logic,” Wallin said.

It’s not helping the public is receiving mixed messages about mask wearing from leaders, she added.

One one side, she noted you have people who are wearing masks because it makes them feel safe while other people aren’t as concerned and rationalize they don’t have proof wearing a mask helps.

“So logic isn’t going to help. Shaming and colliding with someone in the grocery store is not going to help,” Wallin said.

Set an example

If you are comfortable and gracious wearing a mask, it sends a message, Youst said emphasizing you can lead by example.

“Just wear your mask and smile with your eyes,” she added.

“Etiquette is about making sure the people around you are comfortable, so you should be wearing a mask to make people feel comfortable. It’s about the respect and consideration of other people,” Youst said.

[MayflowerMadam]

What are you talking about? I’m kind of happy and kind of not happy. Like most people, I guess. (I didn’t know you cared.)