That's generally good advice. I'd like to add some things from the perspective of a woman who loves men in general, loves her husband and sons in particular, and who hopes to help other people to also know the joy of a good marriage.
In re: #1,
Beauty of character is the beauty that lasts. My husband still looks at my face through the eyes of love because I've never given him reason to do otherwise.
In re: #2, As a general rule, men fight straightforward and face-to-face. Women don't. We are subtle, nasty, and vindictive. This is biology. We get pregnant and have the care of nursing infants and/or small children. We can't just settle things with a boxing match so we compensate. A wise man doesn't over-react but remembers that women think differently about conflict.
In re: #3,
The status thing matters because once we settle down to raise kids with you our status depends entirely on yours. But remember, there are different kinds of status. Your job isn't the only thing. My DH is "only" a landscape/maintenance guy. But he's also tech staff at our church, known in our community for being willing to help people when they need him, and incredibly good with his hands at both carpentry and crafts. A man doesn't have to be a company CEO to be respected. But he has to do more than just sit on his backside and he can't be a whiner.
In re: #4,
All too true. I'm probably about as stable as women come, but very, very few men (at least real men, not the damaged, SJW snowflake types), will be significantly more volatile than I am. At least 60% of the women in the world drive me nuts with their emotionalism. Good luck, guys.
In re: #5,
This gets tricky because leadership, like status, comes in many shades and varieties. It takes a tremendous amount of strength and self-confidence for a man to love and partner a woman who excels him in worldly accomplishments, but I've known a number of loving and well-paired couples like that. In all such cases the man in question may not have been as "successful" or "brilliant" in the eyes of the world as his wife was, but he was competent and confident in his own area of expertise and had his wife's respect for it. If you can do this, great. But beware the "brilliant" woman who thinks that she wants to control the relationship rather than have a partner. In fact, run from her as fast as you can.
I know a fairly wealthy guy who gave the advice, “If it’s got boobs or wheels, rent it. It will only give you problems.”
Re the beauty thing: powerful or popular men tend to only choose the most facially, figure-perfectly beautiful women on the planet and nobody else. Rock stars marry supermodels, sports stars marry the prettiest actresses and singers. While these women are absolutely lovely to see every day, I also wonder if these men do it for their friends and other men, as in “only someone of my status could have gotten her.”
I would add to this, about 80% of the time, women have a list of priorities in relationships, in this order:
1. Their children;
2. Their parents (generally mother first);
3. Their siblings (generally sisters first), and then (if providing appropriately):
4. The father of their children.
3 and 4 may switch depending, as may 2 and 3.
But 4 almost always last priority.
This is why there are so many “evil step mother” stories.
And also why a man should be very cautious getting serious with a woman (even a widow) with children. He is almost always nothing more than a pocketbook or a means to an end.
#4 Instability.... wow is this right on. For you younger guys if you think your woman is unstable now, wait till she hits menopause. Unstable can border on insanity. You just have to crawl in a hole or hide somewhere . Even doing absolutely nothing will provoke her at this stage. It’s PMS squared. I was beginning to wonder if I should have my wife committed. :D
I smile when I say that now but she really put us (me and two teenage kids) through hell. But patience does eventually pay off as the hormones or whatever the hell it is get back in balance. Just as pure observation and totally unscientific, I note that a lot of divorces occur around this time. Some may be due to men’s midlife crisis, but I bet a large number are due to menopause.
Men are by no means perfect either and we have our own faults.
I have been married 21 years. My advice to both sexes: Marry someone who shares your values and has common goals.
When the baby is screaming, and you are drowning in bills and there are layoffs coming at work you need a strong person at your side. Someone who is a team player. In the end my wife and I are on the same team fighting for the same goal.
So far anyway.
6. All women hit menopause then it’s Katie bar the door!
Here's a hint which worked well for me-- after repeated failures of the traditional dating "meat market", I finally asked out a rather plain looking woman who I thought might be okay because little children loved her because she was kind, generous and paid them lots of attention. Eventually, she asked me to marry her. I would have eventually got around to it, but she had a biological clock ticking and knew she wanted children of our own.
1. Beauty fades- my wife may have a few more wrinkles but every morning I wake up I thank God that I am married to such a beautiful woman. In my eyes she gets more beautiful every day.
2. After your relationship ends, you may be surprised at the ruthless treatment you get-I don’t doubt this so I never want to test it.
3. Women are much more status-oriented than men- Fortunately my wife cares more about my character and my status with God than my status with the world.
4. Women are not as stable as men- In the short term my wife can be more emotional than me but in the long term she is more stable than I am. On most issues we tend to balance out each other. That is probably one of the ways God makes us one.
5. Women may come to hate you for your weakness- It took me about the first decade of marriage to realize that my wife didn’t want to be responsible for the final decisions. She definitely wanted to be consulted and would never let me hear the end of it if I took an action she consulted against but at the end of the day she would rather I take the responsibility for the final actions. I believe God created us that way.
Advice for dealing with lunatics, or cobras.
I kind of feel sad for people who spout the old worn out mantra that beauty fades. If you love someone, you’ll always see the initial beauty you saw in them. Whether it’s in their eyes, the way they smile, the way they carry themselves, or even the look in their eyes that you send back, you’ll still see the original beauty.
If you don’t, I’m not convinced you were ever fully enchanted by them. And if not, why did you ever sign on?
This isn’t to say they can’t destroy that connection, if they go off the deep end. If they remain a true loyal devoted partner with you, it just doesn’t have to end.
Relationships are more than just two people. They are places, certain times, and all the wonderful things you have shared together. No one else will know those moments better than you two. If something should happen to break you up, you’ve just erased all the pleasant memories from decades of your life.
All those places where you used to go and share laughs, kisses, and special looks, will become no more than a familiar place missing the true spark that made it what it used to be. They will become haunted...
If there are children involved, you are stealing from them. They will never be able to fully appreciate the beauty of the moments before the split. Nice work.
If you love someone, go all in. Don’t hold back. determine that you will never let that person go. Work to keep them. Be willing to go that extra mile. Be willing to fight for them if they start to fail or stray. Convince them of how much they mean to you. Nothing says I don’t give a darn about you, as well as the idea you don’t care if they go or not.
Look folks, not every relationship is going to turn into the wonderful future you thought it would be. There can be major setbacks, and a hard life for the two of you. That in and of itself can actually be a shared experience that endears you to each other.
If you have troubles, think of the hardship, and the beauty if the two of you can get through it, learn from it, and grow even closer together.
Life is what you make of it. You will decide to be happy, positive, and a contributing partner that brings new life to the relationship, or you will decide to be unhappy, negative, and suck the life blood out of everything you touch.
In life, it’s more up to you than you think.
If two people love each other and decide to be happy, they will always be happy.
Can all relationships be saved? No. There are times when you’ll have to say good-bye.
Don’t let it be you, that causes this rift in the universe.
Also, they will never ever leave you alone. Something snaps in their weird chick lizard brain if they see you “doing nothing”.
They have the arrogance to ask what you want to do... never thinking for a moment that this is precisely what you already ARE doing.
Careful, I am out of estrogen and I have a gun.
Corollary to the 5 truths.
1. It’s important to find a woman that helps out around the house from time to time and who has a job.
2. It’s important to find a woman who can make you laugh.
3. It’s important to find a woman that you can trust and who won’t lie to you.
4. It’s important to find a woman who loves to spend time with you, to include the bedroom.
5. It’s very, very, important that these four women never meet or know of each other or you could end up very, very dead.
“A man is in general better pleased when he has a good dinner upon his table than when his wife talks Greek.” — Samuel Johnson (1709-1784)
Short and sweet version told to me by a man. He believed every woman was at least a little crazy.
My advice. Don’t argue with them when they go off the deep end, which is often. Just listen and move on or try to get away from them until they come back to normal.