"Liberal scum shill for gun control!"
Here's our host Rachael Maddow!
"Hi, I'm Rachel Maddow, let's get right to it, our first contestant is a democrat that "switched parties" (hold for laughter) to work for George W. Bush before betraying him, he's also worked for Arnold Schwarzenegger and is reportedly banging his ex-wife Maria Shriver, boy is this dyke jealous! Give it up for Matthew Dowd!!! Thanks for dressing up for us Matt!"
"Hi Rachel, it's great to be here."
"Ok Matt, you know the rules, the audience will decide how much money you get, ready? What is your response to the tragedy in Las Vegas?"
"I live in Texas and own five rifles and we absolutely need stricter gun laws and regulation. Stat! The NRA does not speak for America."
"Wow, nice reference to your own supposed gun ownership, that gives you "cred" to trash the 2nd amendment! I don't know about that use of "Stat", have you and Maria been binge watching "Grey's Anatomy"? Ok audience, what say you?"
Minus $500
"Oh I'm sorry Matt looks like you'll be losing money today! Please pay on your way out. Our next contestant needs no introduction, you know her as the biggest loser in history, give it up for Hillary Rodham Clinton!!!! Ok Hilly, you're up."
"Our grief isn't enough. We can and must put politics aside, stand up to the NRA, and work together to try to stop this from happening again,"
0.5 cents
"Ooo looks the audience didn't care for the old trite "Put politics aside" chestnut, but they did award you a half a cent out of pity, as the half cent pieces with your face on them haven't been minted yet, please accept this wad of dryer lint! 
And now for our final contestant, you know him as that guy that's gonna be doing reverse mortgage commercials soon, he was also Barack Obama's towel boy for 8 years, Uncle Joe Biden!!!!!!! How are you Joe? I wish you had lady parts because I'm in love with you."
"What? What time is it?"
"It's time to play "Shill for Gun Control"!! All right Joe, what is your response to the tragedy in Las Vegas"?
"Tragedy? I think it's great they let OJ out of prison, he's (hiccup) paid his debt to society. Or are you talking about that tiger that ate that German guy's face? I think he was gay, the German, not the tiger."
"The Siegfried & Roy incident happened 14 years ago, I'm talking about the shooting last night".
"I (hiccup) thought it was awful how that bear ate that Swedish guy's face, they oughta keep those things on a leash! And pick up their poop once in a while, you can barely go 10 feet in this town without stepping in it, I remember once I caught Nancy Pelosi on my lawn with her pants down, she said it was legal in San Francisco!!!"
"Oh that sound means we're out of time, I'm sorry my sweet Joey."
"Hey there's this fallen tree branch blocking my driveway and the city's taking forever to get to it, you look like a strong guy, can you help me out? There's beer in it for you."
Please join us next time on "Liberal scum shill for gun control!"