Posted on 05/27/2016 7:08:50 AM PDT by Kaslin
The weeks between Mother’s Day and Father’s Day are also the time for high-school and college graduations, which often involve visits from grandparents. That makes this a time for generations to get together so they don’t make the mistake I made.
Here’s my error: From the time I turned an arrogant 13, my father and I didn’t talk much. Looking back now, it seems unbelievable that when I flew from Texas to Massachusetts in 1984 to visit my parents for a week as he was dying of cancer, we didn’t talk for more than minutes about anything important, and I didn’t ask him questions about his own past.
Oh, I did try a couple of times to evangelize him, but he was proud of his Jewishness, even though he did not revere the Bible. So why didn’t I ask about growing up in the 1930s? Why didn’t I ask whether the Nazis murdered his grandparents? Looking back, it seems bizarre that while visiting home in 1984 I spent a day near Harvard questioning an old public relations pioneer, Edward Bernays, for a history book I was writing, but didn’t do the same with my own father.
My wife was much wiser: When her father was also dying of cancer, he gave her the family genealogy and his own reminiscences. That’s something his descendants will have. So, if you have time to sit down with grandparents during graduation festivities, or if you’re living with or close to your parents, this column is for you: Don’t miss a great opportunity. Get the family stories while you still can. Use a smartphone or tape recorder. Helpful apps are now available. Lots of good questions to ask are at legacyproject.org/guides/lifeintquestions.html. Remember to label photographs.
Parents and grandparents, you might send this column to your children or grandchildren. If that seems too direct, leave it lying on a coffee table when the kids come to visit, the way my father left on the coffee table for me a book entitled “How to Tell Your Children About Sex.”
Pull out the old photo albums at least once a year and go through them with your children.
Christmas was when we did it. Good memories.
I’m in the process of compiling a pictorial and family history book for my children. I have pictures of many of their ancestors and stories that my parents told me about them. There are also many stories about our Home Place, which they too came to love when they visited their grandparents.
If older people take a look at their picture collection, they’ll realize, like I did, that although I know who the people are and what relation they are to all of us, my children wouldn’t. I’m sorry to say that both me and my own parents were lax in writing dates and names on the back of the pictures that we took.
The ability to trace family history is becoming more and more difficult in these modern times. But the little family anecdotes and things that happen both happy and sad in the lives and childhoods of older family members are a priceless thing to leave to your children and grandchildren. I listened carefully to the tales my own Father told me about living through the Great Depression, life in the Navy during WWII, and how very different that time was from the prosperous times afterward that I was fortunate enough to live in as a child. I can pass those on to my own children. If I don’t, then they’ll all go with me to my grave. That’s a sad thing to happen in my opinion. Family values, histories and connections are some of the things that have made this nation great.
Bookmark
Family histories are very important. I remember my great-grandfather who was eight years old when Custer was at the Little Big Horn. My great-grandfather lived to see the B-52 bomber go into service. His daughter was my grandmother who died in 1916. The rest was a blank. No history at all.
My dad never talked about his family and we had no history of them except a last name. I was at a family reunion of my grandmother’s family when one of them gave me a name for my father’s family history.
Come to find out, at sixty years old, we DID have a past clear back to the Civil War days when our kin served in the Alabama Cavalry.
Alas, all we now have is names and dates. Nothing about what they did in those days.
It’s amazing how little we talk with our parents and grandparents.
I knew my father got a field promotion from Ensign to Lt. Commander and became the ship’s executive officer during WW2. And I also knew the Navy just doesn’t hand out promotions haphazardly. I never knew how this happened until about a year ago, when I spoke to someone else from his ship purely by chance. An shell from the Japanese heavy cruiser Chikuma hit the bridge of his ship killing most of the officers on his ship and he wound up 2nd highest ranking officer left.
I wish I could have heard it from him while he was alive.
I would absolutely concur with this advice.
My paternal grandfather ran from Russia in 1923, and only he and one older brother of his were in this country - their parents and 5 surviving siblings (and the kids of the 6th) remained trapped there. Grandpa died in 1977, and while I knew a lot about his life, I knew little about his parents, grandparents, etc.
Fast forward to 1994 - I received a fantastic gift from G-d, which was my grandfather’s youngest brother moving to the US (at age 87) with the last of his children to leave Russia. He spoke only Russian and Yiddish, but his son (my father’s first cousin) could translate. To make a long story short, I didn’t waste the opportunity and started working on my family tree. 22 years later, I have over 2,000 names, I traced back to the late 1700s on my mother’s side in Poland (which is extremely difficult for Eastern European/Russian Jews), and I even met my wife because of it (I visited Mexico, where the grandchildren of that 6th sibling of my grandfather’s live). I have a picture from the late 1880s from my mother’s side with my great, great, great grandmother in it, along with my GG grandmother as a teenager, and on my dad’s side a picture from 1893 with my great grandparents at ages 26 and 30 and their 3 oldest kids (my grandfather wouldn’t be born for another 8 years). It is very exciting to find this stuff and to know what it is and WHO it is.
Take my advice, DON’T WASTE TIME! If you are interested in who you are, you need to know as much about your past as possible. If you want to give your kids roots, you need to do the same. Every day people die, get Alzheimers, have strokes, etc. Get those memories before they disappear. Gather not just names and dates, but photos and stories.
bump
Well Marv, your dad did his best for you and in return you shyt all over him. Now you give us this too little too late public confession. If you want forgiveness then get it from him. But spare me.
I have compiled the family history and stories, but sadly my kids have no interest now. I hope that before I die I can pass on these treasures.
Set the video camera up in the living room, get drinks and snacks, and get the grandparents to talk about their past and their families. Good to do on several levels.
Most of this, of course, had been handed down to me by my father and grandparents but, for seemingly little or no interest on the part of nieces and nephews from which I'd prepared a CD (remarkably cheap) to duplicate and pass around, the project paid off big time.
From that sketchy batch of details, many more have been filled in.
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.