Said men are actually fairly rare these days if only because younger generations have far lower expectations.
I posted this in another thread here at FG where the female author mentioned the fact that “70% of Men Aged 20-34 Are Not Married” and was bemoaning the fact that still somehow women couldn’t find good men - but it is germane to this thread as well.
Another poster said:
“I work with women, many young women, and they WANT to get married and most of them want children and they want to stay home to raise them...
“sadly, their boyfriends have crappy jobs with no security, or they lack ambition, or don’t work at all....”
My reply:
Right there is part of the problem. A lot of women read those women’s magazines that contain such articles as “How to make him your ideal mate” or “How to change your man’s bad habits” - things like that. They’re not looking for spouses, they’re looking for *projects.* Now, yes, give and take and compromise is part of a relationship, sure; but these articles basically require the man to give and the woman to do nothing but take.
For example, one article I became aware of detailed numerous strategies ‘guaranteed’ to get ‘your man’ to give up motorcycle riding. Basically, it consisted of nagging, whining, blackmailing and cutting the man off until he complied and sold what was potentially his main solo joy in life. Nothing was mentioned about the woman making any changes to benefit the man, no giving back, no forgoing some activity that she was participating in or even any sort of compensation - no, it was all about breaking the guy’s will so he’d be a doormat for ‘her’ desires. Women are being programmed that guys that they can always run over are the type of man they’re ‘supposed’ to want and they’re always surprised when the limp dishrag they’ve sought out turns out to be unsatisfying and not someone they’d want to spend the rest of their life with.
These articles and advice pages get ‘better’ - best part is when you’re first dating, the woman seems to take great interest in your pursuits and seems to enjoy them with you. Then as the relationship moves on somehow they find it less enjoyable and you’re supposed to give it up and take more after what are now revealed as her interests. This is not necessarily because she’s actually lost interest but because the articles and blogs tell her that the best way to test her man’s love for her is to see if he will give up something that makes up a major part of his life - and then to make him do so.
I’ve been down that road far too many times - at this point, when she starts talking about giving up motorcycles or my British car or my cat (yes, there have been articles in mags like Cosmo and Seventeen that tell women they should make the man get rid of or even put down his pet as a test of his love), she gets shown the door. “They were here before you were and now they will be here long after you leave.” “You love that {item} more than you do me!” “Well, at this point, yes - I do.”
With modern young women being programmed in such a way, with the ‘family’ court system being such a disaster for men, with the rest of the court system biased well against the man in pretty much every way should he get divorced by his wife and every young man with two brain cells to rub together able to figure this out thanks to the internet, is it any wonder men are uninterested in marriage any more? It’s a lose-lose proposition, especially if the marriage doesn’t work out.
“with the ‘family’ court system being such a disaster for men”
How is that?
As I see it, many women have been sold the lie that they can "have it all" usually by advertisers. No one can have it all. Life is a series of compromises.
I once had a woman “suggest” I needed to trade my sports car for a “family” car.
I have several stories like that during my dating period after divorce.