Queer by Choice, Not by Chance: Against Being 'Born This Way' [A Lesbian's Perspective]

The Atlantic ^ | 09/12/2011 | LINDSAY MILLER

[SeekAndFind]

I am a queer woman planning to get married next year in a state where my marriage will not be legally recognized. It will probably not surprise you to learn that, sometimes, being gay is not easy. Coming out to your family is nervewracking, people yell slurs and threats when you hold hands on the street, and most lesbian movies are just terrible. With all those drawbacks, those of us who spend our lives with a partner of the same sex must really have no choice in the matter -- or so goes the prevailing wisdom of the gay rights movement. It's not our decision; it's genetic; we can't help to whom we're attracted. If it were up to us, wouldn't we turn our backs on all the abuse and discrimination and get nice and legally married without a second thought?

Well, no. Not all of us anyway. Some of us have figured out that, despite being underrepresented in Western culture at almost every level, despite facing homophobia and transphobia and gender policing and the disapproval of our families, being gay can actually be fantastic.

In direct opposition to both the mainstream gay movement and Lady Gaga, I would like to state for the record that I was not born this way. I have dated both men and women in the past, and when I've been with men, I never had to lie back and think of Megan Fox. I still notice attractive men on the street and on television. If I were terrified of the stigma associated with homosexuality, it would have been easy enough to date men exclusively and stay in the closet my whole life.

[married21]

“Go back to the 1990s and you will see this argument between lesbians and queers as routine.”

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I read an article in The Atlantic in the 90s about this. They talked to gays and found that it’s very normal not to be 100% gay. Even someone described as “your basic bottom man” had had a fling with a woman. Moreover, many people in the gay lifestyle really regretted that they would never have a wife and children.
Also, it said that gays may sometimes really resent bisexuals.

[MrB]

The main reason that most liberals (not necessarily homosexuals) insist that it is genetic and not a choice is to remove the necessity of arguing the morality of it.

[Morpheus2009]

The key though, is to distinguish between same-gender attraction and same-gender behavior.

There are a lot of behaviors in which a predisposition, or a desire, for said behavior may be inborn, but it does not change whether or not the behavior is right or wrong.