Gwyneth Paltrow: Mean words hurt water's feelings

Fox News ^ | 6/5/2014 | Fox News

[Dallas59]

First she consciously uncoupled from her husband.

Then she said being criticized on social media was just like war.

Now Gwyneth Paltrow has somehow trumped both!

The Oscar winning actor and mother of two believes bad vibes can bum out water.

Yes, we’re talking H2O.

[moovova]

“I worry every time I flush...”

I swear, I think I hear little screams.

[FredZarguna]

Explains why so many commenter looks are looking down on her.

She may seem happy, but her heart is clearly not in that dress.

[ansel12]

Show us one of what she really looks like.

[FredZarguna]

PhD in what? Education?

[ansel12]

Psychology, she is a successful therapist that I have known a lot of years,

Next time I see her, I will introduce her to Snopes.

[BenLurkin]

I would gladly wake up next to this every morning.

Evrey morning.

[Wyatt's Torch]

Crazy ass nucking futball...

[willk]

One by one. All the modern day actresses who I felt were so attractive until they opened their mouths.

[FredZarguna]

A cationary tale.

[posterchild]

You’ll never be anything but a fluid at Standard Temperature and Pressure.
Your mother and two fathers bond at 104.5 degrees.
Water has two H daddies.
Polar solvents need not apply.
You are the supernatant of urine.

[posterchild]

She looks good from here but wait until she starts telling you about CO2.

[FredZarguna]

OK, she can wake up at your place, because when I’m done for the night I’m going to insist that she leave.

[ansel12]

Without her makeup she is only doable preferably after a couple of drinks, not something to pursue.

[twister881]

[Billthedrill]

She’s right. I’m very careful not to offend the bit of standing water I commune with of a morning by referring to the act with such crudeness as “poop.” No way, not me. A polite euphemism, that’s the way to go to spare everyone’s feelings, and so it’s pinching a loaf, baking a bum brownie, laying some cable, drowning a Democrat, throwing a sphincter spear, firing a jet-powered torpedo from hell, charming the old colon cobra, or dropping the kids off at the pool. And as the last of my aqua guest gurgles off happily to father Neptune and the tank deposits its replacement to its new porcelain home I bask in the aura of a job well done and the sickly miasma of an industrial air freshener. Gaia is happy. Life is good.

[vetvetdoug]

Paltrow is better with her legs open and her mouth closed.

[twister881]

Or if she came with a 4-position selector switch: Cook-Clean-F***-OFF

[bobo1]

This is very deep. Deeper than the deepest well. Such intellect should not go unnoticed.

I think she has presidential ambitions.

[GeronL]

[Chode]

right up till she opened her yap... then i'd be hard pressed not to press a pillow to her face till she shut up