Posted on 04/27/2012 5:00:27 AM PDT by Kaslin
One afternoon I stopped by the bank to make a few deposits. I was in a rush and needed to get in and out as soon as possible. I had places to go and things I had to do. I picked the worst possible time of day and the worst day of the week to do my banking. But I had been out of town and needed to catch up on errands before the weekend began.
There was only one teller working and the line was about fifteen people deep. After waiting patiently, I got close to the front of the line. Looking back at the dozen or so people who had entered the line after me, I was relieved that the wait was almost over. Unfortunately, the elderly woman who was making a deposit was requiring a lot more assistance than the others who had gone before her.
She must have been 85 years old. She held a cane in one hand and wore a thick pair of glasses that were visible only after she peeled away her sunglasses. They were the kind of sunglasses that fit over her regular glasses and were big enough to block harmful rays from even the nastiest of solar eclipses. They were the kind that retirees used to wear to watch shuttle launches in south Florida. The kind people older people wear when they are consumed by practicality and no longer care as much about fashion.
When she was finally finished with her transaction, she started to make small talk with the teller behind the counter. She did not seem to notice that there were so many people in line behind her. The teller smiled and nodded at everything she said. The old lady told her she reminded her of her daughter. Then she asked the teller whether she had children. She just kept making conversation while the young woman behind the counter provided her with full and undivided attention. She seemed to feel sorry for her. It was as if she appreciated sitting where she was rather than occupying the elderly woman’s shoes.
But there was a younger man in the line who did not feel the same sympathy for the old woman. He glared impatiently at the teller as if to say that she should tell the elderly woman she was holding up the line. He even held out one of his hands and waved at the teller. He was signaling that he had been waiting long enough and that it was time his needs were met. But the teller kept nodding politely and giving the elderly woman her undivided attention.
Someone should have said something to the younger man who was so impatient. He should have understood why the elderly woman was clinging on to the conversation with the young teller. It was probably more than a reminder of her children. More likely, it was a reminder that she had not seen them or talked to them in quite some time.
As soon as she finished talking to the teller, the elderly woman walked out of the bank and headed across the parking lot towards her car. She was walking slowly and labored with every step as she leaned upon her cane for support. She had no one to help her. No husband. No son. No daughter. There was nothing to lean on but a cane.
The younger man who had been so impatient with her needed to hear my pastor talk about the time our church went caroling at the old folks’ home about a year and a half ago. He needed to hear the stories of the elderly people whose lives had been enriched by hearing songs sung to them by people who had never met them before. He needed to hear that elderly people are a treasure and not an inconvenience.
Of course, my pastor was not there to tell him. But I was in the bank that day. In case you haven’t figured it out, the impatient man in the line was me.
I should have dropped what I was doing and given the woman a hand as she made her way across the parking lot. I should have made plans to go back to the retirement home to spend a few hours of visitation. Like you, I probably won’t make it back until Christmas. I have places to go and things I have to do.
This is not a matter of an “imperfect” mother. My earliest memory is not warm on any level.
I’ve forgiven her and to see us you might think there was some feeling going on.
Regrets! My brother killed himself, the other brother is in the pen for life (has done 20 years already) and I have my own suicidal inclinations (only occasionally now) to deal with and her to thank for them.
I kind of just wish she’d cash in finally - 87 years too long. And I am making sure she is safe, comfortable and well taken care of (not living with me tho). She has Alzheimers.
I just get sick and tired of those oozing over happy memories of childhood. And everyone always ASSUMES every old person was damn SAINT!
Bert, I think you missed the point of the story.
I am quite aware of bad mothers, who become lonely in their old ages. I worked with the elderly off and on for years, and saw the good and bad. My instance was one story, not generalization. I'm sorry about you having a bad parent, but these kind are the exception, not the rule. I hope you can be a better person and forgive your parent, whether she wants it or not.
He did have to spend some time in rehab. But learned to walk again on his own after all had healed and he was back home. Thank God for modern medicine. They cured his pancreas without even a stitch, no surgery at all.
Don't know how many medical and nursing home staff (where he got Mercia and pneumonia) have told me he wouldn't be here if I hadn't “gotten over it” quickly. Personally just think he a tough ol bird that enjoys living.
He told me if he lived to be over a hundred, he was going to get married again....I told him if he did to make sure she was young and rich and could take care of BOTH of us.
My dad would come home from golf and say "I just beat some more youngers"..."those new retirees can't hit a ball for toffee."
My mum at age 85 told the cardiologist "I'm past my shelf life....your' not going to muck me about."
we have families to take care of, homes to mangage, taxes to pay for all the people on the dole, volunteer work to do, church to attend, meals to prepare, children to pick up from school AND elderly relatives in need of groceries.... and to wait in a long line for extra time so someone can get some socialization in is not right....
lots of people are lonely...lots of people could benefit from extra help....its not just the elderly....
dollars to donuts if it was a little toddler at the front of the line making a fuss and slowing things down, a lot of freepers would be out with their pitch forks...
Your point is well taken — Peace be with you!
Of course, my pastor was not there to tell him. But I was in the bank that day. In case you haven’t figured it out, the impatient man in the line was me.
Exactly. Something that one person thinks is sweet or cute — like an elderly woman stopping the checkout like to talk to a young cashier because he reminders her of her grandson, or a toddler running around a restaurant — are annoying to others and rightfully so. Why isn’t the old woman rude for holding up the line? Why aren’t the parents of the toddler considered rude for letting their kid run wild? No one is saying bite their head off or scream at them, but everyone — old and young — should be respectful of everyone else.
Oops - missed that :)
(...and therefore the whole article:)
Very well said
I believe it. You and your husband are great people
Now the thing to do, instead of bitching about it here is if someone has only one or two items, to let the person go in front of you. That is what I do
Thx ...
One quick item is not really the issue regardless of age. The issue is when the person attempts to use age as a “free pass” (without any infirmity or need of special assistance) to simply claim an excuse to circumvent people in the identical situation. (think DMV wait times which annoy everyone equally. Think of a movie ticket line with a person walking to the front and claiming to have “not seen the line.” Think if it was a person cutting to the front of the line of the new X phone because the line is too long and they have to do other errands...)
Yup. Sure have.
And then, when you object, say something like “Is that any way to treat the elderly?”
Cherish the moments people.
&&&
Amen to that.
It must have been hard when the Lord took your parents so young. My father passed at 62.
ll I have to do is ask “what would mama want me to do?”
***
Excellent way to live.
Congrats on the grandchild. They are such a joy. I just had my 2 over for a few days. They are 17 months and 3 1/2. My third grandson will be arriving in September. (Another son and his wife are contributing this little munchkin.)
You know how it is.
Because I never had parents live to senior age, I find that older people either try my patience or bring me to tears of joy.
Now I visit my aged MIL (who always disliked me for taking her baby, and now has no clue who I am, so is pleasant) and my aged FIL who is and always will be darling. It’s all I can do.
>>I just get sick and tired of those oozing over happy memories of childhood. And everyone always ASSUMES every old person was damn SAINT!<<
I have two sisters just like your mother.
Their children don’t speak to them. They love me. (One Godchild, one namesake of mine in THEIR kids)
Each chose their own lives over their children. One to lesbian lovers, one to a man who hated the kids.
You’re taking care of her as you can. It’s enough.
But some children are selfish too and that seems to be the case in the story of the 101 year old/
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