Best of Best for 2009 (thus far)

Unknown ^ | Unknown | Unknown

[Georgia1]

Guy goes into a bar, there's a robot bartender.

The robot says, "What will you have?" The guy says, "Martini." The robot brings back the best martini ever and says to the man, "What's your IQ?" The guy says, "168". The robot then proceeds to talk about physics, space exploration and medical technology.

The guy leaves, but he is curious, so he goes back into the bar. The robot bartender says," What will you have?" The guy says, "Martini". Again, the robot makes a great martini, gives it to the man and says, "What's your IQ?" The guy says, "100." The robot then starts to talk about NASCAR, Budweiser and John Deere tractors.

The guy leaves, but finds it very interesting, so he thinks he will try it one more time. He goes back into the bar. The robot says, "What will you have?" The guy says, "Martini", and the robot brings him another great martini. The robot then says, "What's your IQ?" The guy says, "Uh, about 50." The robot leans in real close and says, "So, you people still happy you voted for Obama?"

[Tijeras_Slim]

[don-o]

Did you actually READ the article??

[CJ Wolf]

Guy goes into a bar, there’s a robot bartender.

The robot says, “What will you have?” The guy says, “Martini.” The robot brings back the best martini ever and says to the man, “What’s your IQ?” The guy says, “168”. The robot then proceeds to talk about physics, space exploration and medical technology.

The guy leaves, but he is curious, so he goes back into the bar. The robot bartender says,” What will you have?” The guy says, “Martini”. Again, the robot makes a great martini, gives it to the man and says, “What’s your IQ?” The guy says, “100.” The robot then starts to talk about NASCAR, Budweiser and John Deere tractors.

The guy leaves, but finds it very interesting, so he thinks he will try it one more time. He goes back into the bar. The robot says, “What will you have?” The guy says, “Martini”, and the robot brings him another great martini. The robot then says, “What’s your IQ?” The guy says, “Uh, about 50.” The robot leans in real close and says, “Obama! - Hiiiigh fiiiive! wanna smoke some weed?”

[savedbygrace]

Kerry replies, “My other face is in the shop.”

[Lazamataz]

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[don-o]

Now you’ve gone all PC and ruined it!

[boocoowell]

Barney’s Frank sends his thanks.

[don-o]

ping

[PetroniusMaximus]

At this point I think there can be no mistaking the fact that hilarity has ensued.

[IYAS9YAS]

I don’t get it.

Yeah, but are you sure you want it?

[dfwgator]

Or as we'd tell it in the Old Country:

Facet przychodzi do baru, tam barmanem robota.

Robot mówi: "Co masz?" Facet mówi: "Martini". Robot przywołuje najlepsze martini kiedykolwiek i mówi do człowieka, "What's your IQ? Facet mówi: "168". Robot następnie przystąpi do rozmów na temat fizyki, lotów kosmicznych i technologii medycznych.

Facet odchodzi, ale jest ciekawy, więc wraca do baru. Barman robot mówi: "Co masz?" Facet mówi: "Martini". Znowu robota czyni wielką martini, nadaje się i mówi, "What's your IQ? Facet mówi: "100". Robot potem zaczyna mówić o NASCAR, Budweiser i John Deere.

Facet odchodzi, lecz stwierdza, że to bardzo interesujące, więc myśli, będzie próbował go jeszcze raz. Wraca do paska. Robot mówi: "Co masz?" Facet mówi: "Martini", a robot przynosi mu kolejny wielki martini. Robot potem mówi, "What's your IQ? Facet mówi: "Uh, około 50". Robot pochyla się w czasie rzeczywistym blisko i mówi: "Tak, ludzie nadal chętnie Ci, którzy zagłosują na Obamę?

[doubleaught]

Uygay oesgay intoway away arbay, ere’sthay away obotray
artenderbay.

Ethay obotray ayssay, “Atwhay illway ouyay avehay?” Ethay uygay
ayssay, “Artinimay.” Ethay obotray ingsbray ackbay ethay estbay
artinimay everway andway ayssay otay ethay anmay, “At’swhay
ouryay IQWAY?” Ethay uygay ayssay, “168”. Ethay obotray enthay
oceedspray otay alktay aboutway ysicsphay, acespay
explorationway andway edicalmay echnologytay.

Ethay uygay eaveslay, utbay ehay isway uriouscay, osay ehay
oesgay ackbay intoway ethay arbay. Ethay obotray artenderbay
ayssay,” Atwhay illway ouyay avehay?” Ethay uygay ayssay, “
Artinimay”. Againway, ethay obotray akesmay away eatgray
artinimay, ivesgay itway otay ethay anmay andway ayssay, “
At’swhay ouryay IQWAY?” Ethay uygay ayssay, “100.” Ethay obotray
enthay artsstay otay alktay aboutway ASCARNAY, Udweiserbay
andway Ohnjay Eereday actorstray.

Ethay uygay eaveslay, utbay indsfay itway eryvay interestingway
, osay ehay inksthay ehay illway ytray itway oneway oremay
imetay. Ehay oesgay ackbay intoway ethay arbay. Ethay obotray
ayssay, “Atwhay illway ouyay avehay?” Ethay uygay ayssay, “
Artinimay”, andway ethay obotray ingsbray imhay anotherway
eatgray artinimay. Ethay obotray enthay ayssay, “At’swhay ouryay
IQWAY?” Ethay uygay ayssay, “Uhway, aboutway 50.” Ethay obotray
eanslay inway ealray oseclay andway ayssay, “Osay, ouyay
eoplepay illstay appyhay ouyay otedvay orfay Obamaway?”

[Liberty Valance]

Articles from unknown must be excerpted...

Guy goes into a bar, there's a robot bartender.

The robot says, "What will you have?" The guy says...

[Petronski]

The robot says, "What will you have?" The guy says, "Martini." The robot brings back the best martini ever and says to the man, "What's your IQ?" The guy says, "168". The robot then proceeds to talk about physics, space exploration and medical technology. The guy leaves, but he is curious, so he goes back into the bar. The robot bartender says," What will you have?" The guy says, "Martini". Again, the robot makes a great martini, gives it to the man and says, "What's your IQ?" The guy says, "100." The robot then starts to talk about NASCAR, Budweiser and John Deere tractors. The guy leaves, but finds it very interesting, so he thinks he will try it one more time. He goes back into the bar. The robot says, "What will you have?" The guy says, "Martini", and the robot brings him another great martini. The robot then says, "What's your IQ?" The guy says, "Uh, about 50." The robot leans in real close and says, "So, you people still happy you voted for Obama?"

[Lazamataz]

yuG seog otni a ,rab s’ereht a tobor .rednetrab ehT tobor ,syas tahW“ lliw uoy ”?evah ehT yug ,syas ”.initraM“ ehT tobor sgnirb kcab eht tseb initram reve dna syas ot eht ,nam s’tahW“ ruoy ”?QI ehT yug ,syas .”861“ ehT tobor neht sdeecorp ot klat tuoba ,scisyhp ecaps noitarolpxe dna lacidem .ygolonhcet ehT yug ,sevael tub eh si ,suoiruc os eh seog kcab otni eht .rab ehT tobor rednetrab ”,syas tahW lliw uoy ”?evah ehT yug ,syas .”initraM“ ,niagA eht tobor sekam a taerg ,initram sevig ti ot eht nam dna ,syas s’tahW“ ruoy ”?QI ehT yug ,syas ”.001“ ehT tobor neht strats ot klat tuoba ,RACSAN resiewduB dna nhoJ ereeD .srotcart ehT yug ,sevael tub sdnif ti yrev ,gnitseretni os eh skniht eh lliw yrt ti eno erom .emit eH seog kcab otni eht .rab ehT tobor ,syas tahW“ lliw uoy ”?evah ehT yug ,syas ,”initraM“ dna eht tobor sgnirb mih rehtona taerg .initram ehT tobor neht ,syas s’tahW“ ruoy ”?QI ehT yug ,syas ,hU“ tuoba ”.05 ehT tobor snael ni laer esolc dna ,syas ,oS“ uoy elpoep llits yppah uoy detov rof ”?amabO

[DesertSapper]

One day, with a sudden flash and the smell of sulfur, the Devil appeared in Senator Harry Reid’s office.

The Devil said, “I will give you money, power, the ability to impose your will on others, but you must give me your immortal soul and work for the domination of Evil over the world and the oppression on men.”

Senator Reid thought for a moment, then said, “Wait a minute! What’s the catch?”

[dfwgator]

This is shaping up to be a classic thread.

[IYAS9YAS]

Yeah, but can you do plaid?

[PreciousLiberty]

In Soviet Russia, robot bartender drinks you!

(Slashdot ping.)

[Tunehead54]

Come on! See posts 1,2,3,10,11,13,15,16,17! ;-)