Let's talk old school.
Posted on 12/24/2009 6:41:16 AM PST by Georgia1
Guy goes into a bar, there's a robot bartender.
The robot says, "What will you have?" The guy says, "Martini." The robot brings back the best martini ever and says to the man, "What's your IQ?" The guy says, "168". The robot then proceeds to talk about physics, space exploration and medical technology.
The guy leaves, but he is curious, so he goes back into the bar. The robot bartender says," What will you have?" The guy says, "Martini". Again, the robot makes a great martini, gives it to the man and says, "What's your IQ?" The guy says, "100." The robot then starts to talk about NASCAR, Budweiser and John Deere tractors.
The guy leaves, but finds it very interesting, so he thinks he will try it one more time. He goes back into the bar. The robot says, "What will you have?" The guy says, "Martini", and the robot brings him another great martini. The robot then says, "What's your IQ?" The guy says, "Uh, about 50." The robot leans in real close and says, "So, you people still happy you voted for Obama?"
Bar goes into a guy, there’s a barbot robetender.
The barbot says, “What have you will?” The bar says, “Tarmini.” The barbot backs the best tarmini ever and bars to the say, “IQ’s your what?” The bar says, “50, about uh” The barbot closes in real lean and says, “So, Obama happy people still voted you?”
“Uy-gay oes-gay into an ar-bay, ere’s-thay an obot-ray artender-bay.
E-thay obot-ray ays-say, “At-whay ill-way ou-yay ave-hay?” T-thay uy-gay ays-say, “Artini-may.” E-thay obot-ray ings-bray ack-bay e-thay est-bay artini-may ever and ays-say o-tay e-thay an-may, “At’s-say our-yay IQ?” E-thay uy-gay ays-say, “168”. E-thay obot-ray en-thay oceeds-pray o-tay alk-thay about ysics-phay, ace-spay exploration and edical-may echnology-tay.
E-thay uy-gay eaves-lay, ut-bay e-hay is urious-cay, o-say e-hay oes-gay ack-bay into e-thay ar-bay. E-thay obot-ray artender-bay ays-say,” At-whay ill-way ou-yay ave-hay?” E-thay uy-gay ays-say, “Artini-may”. Again, e-thay obot-ray akes-may an eat-gray artini-may, ives-gay it o-tay e-thay an-may and ays-say, “At’s-whay our-yay IQ?” E-thay uy-gay ays-say, “100.” E-thay obot-ray en-thay arts-stay o-tay alk-tay about ASCAR-n, Udweiser-bay and Ohn-jay Eere-day actors-tray.
E-thay uy-gay eaves-lay, ut-bay inds-fay it ery-vay interesting, o-say e-hay inks-thay e-hay ill-way y-tray it one ore-may ime-tay. E-hay oes-gay ack-bay into e-thay ar-bay. E-thay obot-ray ays-say, “At-whay ill-way ou-yay ave-hay?” E-thay uy-gay ays-say, “Artini-May”, and e-thay obot-ray ings-bray im-hay another eat-gray artini-may. E-thay obot-ray en-thay ays-say, “At’s-whay our-yat IQ?” E-thay uy-gay ays- say, “Uh, about 50.” E-thay obot-ray eans-lay in eal-ray ose-clay and ays-say, “O-say, ou-yay eople-pay ill-stay appy-hay ou-yay oted-vay or-fay Obama?”
Robot leans in real close and says, "Good to meet you, President Obama."
Southside Chicago Version:
Guy goes into a bar, there’s a robot bartender.
The robot says, “What will you have?” The guy says, “Martini.” The robot brings back the best martini ever and says to the man, “What’s your IQ?” The guy says, “Uh, about 50.” The robot leans in real close and says, “So, you people still happy you voted for Obama?”
The guy leaves, but he is curious, so he goes back into the bar. The robot says, “What will you have?” The guy says, “Martini.” The robot brings back the best martini ever and says to the man, “What’s your IQ?” The guy says, “Uh, about 50.” The robot leans in real close and says, “So, you people still happy you voted for Obama?”
The guy leaves, but finds it very interesting, so he thinks he will try it one more time. He goes back into the bar. The robot says, “What will you have?” The guy says, “Martini.” The robot brings back the best martini ever and says to the man, “What’s your IQ?” The guy says, “Uh, about 50.” The robot leans in real close and says, “So, you people still happy you voted for Obama?”
.
That’s pretty close to the way ‘Jonathan’ at Dell Tech Support told it to me the other day, except he put it like this: “Please remove the Ethernet cable coming from the router, and plug the one from the DSL Modem di-rect-ly into your computer.”
public string GuyGoesIntoBar(Martini myMartini, IQ GuysIQ)
{
StringBuilder sbReponseText = new StringBuilder("Robot talks about: ");
if (Martini == MARTINIQUALITY.Good)
{
switch (GuysIQ)
{
case <= 50:
sbReponseText.Append("So, you still happy you voted for Obama?");
break;
case <= 100:
sbReponseText.Append("NASCAR, Budweiser and John Deere tractors.");
break;
default:
sbReponseText.Append("Physics, space exploration and medical technology.");
break;
}
}
else
{
sbReponseText.Append("I will make you a new martini.");
}
return sbReponseText.ToString();
}
(Yes, I know about the flaw already.)
GUY GO3S IN2 A BAR TH3RA’S A ROBOT BART3ND3R!1!1!! WTF LOL TEH ROBOT SAYS WUT WIL U HAEV”?!!?!! WTF LOL TEH GUY SAYS “MARTINI”!!111 OMG TEH ROBOT BRNGS BAK DA BST MARTINI EVER AND SAYS 2 TEH MAN WUT UR IQ”?!?????! WTF DA GUY SAYS “168”!!!!11 OMG WTF TEH ROBOT THEN PROCEDS 2 TOK ABOUT PHYSIS SPAEC 3XPLORATION AND MADICAL T3CHNOLOGY!!1111! WTF DA GUY LEAEVS BUT H3 SI CURIOS SO HE GOES BAK IN2 DA BAR!!!1! TEH ROBOT BARTENDER SAYS” WUT WIL U HAEV”??!?!!? OMG TEH GUY SAYS “MARTINI”!1!!!11!1 OMG LOL AGANE DA ROBOT MAEKS A GREAT MARTINI GIEVS IT 2 TEH MAN AND SAYS WUT UR IQ”?!??!? OMG WTF TEH GUY SAYS “10”!!1!!!! OMG WTF DA ROBOT TH3N STARTS 2 TOK ABOUT NASCAR BUDWEIESR AND JON DERA TRAC2RS!!1!1!!1 OMG WTF DA GUY LEAEVS BUT FINDS IT V3RY INTARESTNG SO HE THINKS HA WIL TRY IT ONE MOR3 TIEM!!1!1!111 LOL HA GOAS BAK IN2 DA BAR!!1!! OMG LOL TEH ROBOT SAYS WUT WIL U HAEV”?!??! OMG DA GUY SAYS “MARTINI” AND TEH ROBOT BRNGS HIM ANOTH3R GRAAT MARTINI!!!11!! WTF LOL DA ROBOT THEN SAYS WUT UR IQ”?!!!??! TEH GUY SAYS “UH ABOUT 50”!1!!11 LOL TEH ROBOT LAANS IN REAL CLOS3 AND SAYS “SO U PEOPLA STIL HAPY U VOT3D FOR OBMA”??!?! WTF
A manager at Microsoft brings a group of young software engineers into a conference room.
He fires up a giant HD screen, and the group watches with appreciation as Candidate 0bama gives an inspiring speech, full of wonderful oratory and delivered with style. They’re impressed, and can’t resist wild applause at the end.
A few days later, it’s election time and all the young engineers vote for 0bama. He wins the election easily.
Just a few months later, President 0bama has caused the national debt to skyrocket, unemployment is up several percent, key defense programs have been canceled, major corporations have been nationalized, and instead of doing anything useful, President 0bama is touring the world apologising for what he imagines are America’s past misdeeds.
The young engineers crowd into the manager’s office. “How can this be happening after that wonderful speech you had us watch?”, they ask.
He replies, “Oh, that was just a demo...”
Guy goes in a talea , illic a robot robot says , “ quis mos vos have? “ guy says , “ bellicus “ robot addo tergum optimus bellicus umquam quod says ut vir , “ quis vestri IQ? “ guy says , “168”. robot tunc cedo ut for physics , tractus exploration quod medical guy coma , tamen sit curiosus , sic is goes tergum in talea. robot bartender says, “ Quis mos vos have? “ guy says , “ bellicus “. Iterum , robot planto a valde bellicus , dat is ut vir quod says , “ quis vestri IQ? “ guy says , “100.” robot tunc satus ut for NASCAR Budweiser quod John Cervus guy coma , tamen reperio is valde interesting , sic is reputo is mos tendo is unus magis vicis. Is goes tergum in talea. robot says , “ quis mos vos have? “ guy says , “ bellicus “, quod robot addo him alius valde bellicus. robot tunc says , “ quis vestri IQ? “ guy says Uh , super 50.” robot nitor in verus propinquus quod says , “ sic , vos populus etiam gauisus vos suffragium pro Obama? “
Guy yn mynd i mewn i far, yna bartender robot.
Mae’r robot yn dweud, “Beth fyddwch chi’n ei gael?” Y dyn meddai, “Martini.” Mae’r robot yn dod yn ôl y Martini gorau erioed ac yn dweud i’r dyn, “Beth yw eich IQ?” Y dyn meddai, “168”. Mae’r robot mynd yn ei flaen wedyn i siarad am ffiseg, archwilio gofod a thechnoleg feddygol.
Y dyn yn gadael, ond mae’n rhyfedd, felly mae’n mynd yn ôl i’r bar. Mae’r bartender robot yn dweud, “Beth fyddwch chi’n ei gael?” Y dyn meddai, “Martini”. Unwaith eto, mae’r robot yn gwneud Martini gwych, yn rhoi i’r dyn ac yn dweud, “Beth yw eich IQ?” Y dyn meddai, “100.” Yna y robot yn dechrau i siarad am NASCAR, Budweiser a John Deere tractorau.
Y dyn yn gadael, ond yn ei chael hi’n ddiddorol iawn, felly mae’n credu y bydd yn ei brofi yn un mwy o amser. Mae’n mynd yn ôl i’r bar. Mae’r robot yn dweud, “Beth fyddwch chi’n ei gael?” Y dyn meddai, “Martini”, a robot yn dod iddo arall Martini mawr. Mae’r robot yna meddai, “Beth yw eich IQ?” Y dyn meddai, “UH, tua 50.” Mae’r leans robot yn agos go iawn ac yn dweud, “Felly, byddwch yn dal yn anfodlon o bobl ydych wedi pleidleisio dros Obama?”
public class Joke {
public static void main(String[] args) {
Guy guy = new Guy();
Robot robot = new Robot();
for (int i = 0; i < 3; i++) {
guy.enterBar();
robot.ask(guy, "What will you have");
guy.order(robot,"Martini");
Drink drink = robot.make("Martini");
robot.giveDrink(drink,guy);
int iq = i == 0 ? 150 : i == 1 ? 100 : 50;
conversation(robot, iq);
guy.leaveBar();
}
}
private static void conversation(Robot robot, Integer iq) {
if (iq <= 50)
robot.talk(new String[] { "Are you still happy you voted for Obama" });
else if (iq < 150)
robot.talk(new String[] { "NASCAR", "Budweiser","John Deere tractors" });
else
robot.talk(new String[] { "physics", "space exploration","medical technology" });
}
}
I did the Java version.
0bama = the shortest punch line in history.
Moving right along, A seal pup goes into a bar, and the bartender says “what’ll it be pal?”
The little seal pup looks up and says in a meek voice,
“uhhh, ANYthing but Canadian Club?”
robot.giveDrink(drink,guy);
Needs refactoring:
guy.consume(drink);
Heh!
Klingon goes into a bar, and says “DaH mojaq.mey.vam DI.vuS.nIS.be’ ‘e’ vI.Har”, then kills everyone.
So yours is a more complete job.
Yer hired.
There was nothing in the specs about the guy consuming the martini.
Let's talk old school.
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