This is a sensitive issue for many people. But, the truth is, test tube babies and surrogates led to couples going outside the marriage, and if they're using donors/surrogates, what's the argument against two men or two women coupling and using donors/surrogates?
There was an actual case in my state of two women arguing for both their names to appear on a birth certificate. They won the case based on the fact that heterosexual couples who go outside their marriage for donors/surrogates have their own names (not the names of the donors/surrogates) put on the birth certificate.
Adoptive parents having their names placed on birth certificates led to this mess, too.
How about we DON’T tamper with ANYONE’s BIRTH CERTIFICATES, and instead issue certificates of GUARDIANSHIP for all adoptive parents?
Good idea! If we were in the position to adopt, I would prefer an adoption certificate or a certificate of guardianship. If the birth parents want to remain anonymous, maybe "anonymous" could be written on birth certificates of children who are adopted. I had relatives who were adopted in the old days when I'm pretty sure adoptive parents' names weren't on the BCs. I say so because that's how one relative found out she was adopted - she saw her BC.
Thank you for seeing these issues and for speaking so clearly. Being so personally and emotionally invested in this issue makes it hard at times. I know it’s hard for adoptive and birth parents as well...
You are right that in times past the records were NOT altered. It would take a considerable amount of time I don’t have at the moment to first re-research the specific facts, and then relay them here, so I hope you will forgive me for not doing so. I got out of activism on this issue years ago because of the psychological and emotional damage it inflicted on me trying to argue against people who wish to perpetually treat me as a child and a second-class citizen. As a result the facts I used to be able to rattle off about this are not in the immediate recall section of my brain any longer! :)
OK, for the sake of my own sanity I’m going to have to FORCE myself to NOT talk about this further right now. Incidentally folks, what you are witnessing in my impassioned and emotional posts on this thread - which apparently have come off to some sounding like I’m a spoiled child whining to get her way — well, that is EXACTLY HOW THESE ISSUES AFFECT US FOR OUR ENTIRE LIVES! Remember that, please.
Hopefully in the near future no child will ever have to go through the betrayal, anger, and suffering I have gone through as a result of people wishing to deceive me.
Oh, and one more thing — just an FYI for those reading this thread — by the time I was 9 years old I KNEW my parents weren’t my “REAL PARENTS” (to use a term a child would use) even though NO-ONE TOLD ME. I KNEW I WAS DIFFERENT. Of course, everyone still denied it, but the truth is something you know in your heart sometimes... (Don’t you think we can tell that we are physically unrelated simply by LOOKING????) Just imagine that for a moment... You can look in the mirror, and then look over at your mother, your father, your aunts, your uncles, and your cousins and SEE THAT YOU DO NOT “MATCH”. Then you go to school, or church and you see OTHER families that you can TELL are all genetically related. It’s like people think we’re stupid just because we’re adopted or something...
Also, it is VERY common to speak to people (like your relative) who find out after decades that they are adopted who will admit to feeling the same way as I described above at least once in their lives. Some people are just better at putting those nagging questions to the back of their minds than others.
We are “damaged” from the moment they take us away from our biological mothers - a baby KNOWS - not to the point that we cannot overcome it and live good lives, but a successful outcome in adoptions REQUIRES TRUTH, and OPENNESS. As far as I’m concerned lying to a child about their adoptive status is CHILD ABUSE and NEGLIGENCE...
Oh, on more thing I’d like to take this opportunity to mention before I go...
Do you all realize that in not telling a child they are adopted, and not being honest with us about our biological origins can and HAS lead to people marrying their OWN SIBLINGS? Now, tell me how THAT is “natural” or MORAL... Some people might even argue that incest is an even BIGGER sin than Homosexuality. I certainly wouldn’t want to be responsible for allowing a situation like that to happen as a result of my being dishonest with my OWN CHILD!!!
TO ALL: I hope everyone on this thread has a wonderful weekend, and I again would simply ask that you might take a few moments to reflect on what I’ve said here. Adoptees needlessly suffer because of these laws, and in the case of medical issues some have even DIED BECAUSE OF THESE LAWS!