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BREAKING NEWS: Gas Explosions Occuring on Mars!!
10/30/2008 | eekitsagreek

Posted on 10/30/2008 9:01:58 PM PDT by eekitsagreek

Hey all!

I was listening to Ramon Raquello and his orchestra (and who doesn't?) and just as they were playing "La Cumparsita", the program was interupted by a breaking news story from the Intercontinental Radio News with a bulletin on Mars.

"At twenty minutes before eight, central time, Professor Farrell of the Mount Jennings Observatory, Chicago, Illinois, reports observing several explosions of incandescent gas, occurring at regular intervals on the planet Mars. The spectroscope indicates the gas to be hydrogen and moving towards the earth with enormous velocity. Professor Pierson of the Observatory at Princeton confirms Farrell's observation, and describes the phenomenon as "like a jet of blue flame shot from a gun".


TOPICS: Breaking News; Miscellaneous
KEYWORDS: breakingnewsabuse; breakingwind; chat; havefun; lightenup; mars; marsfarts; martians; mercurytheater; missinglink; notbreakingnews; truebreakingnews; welles; whocares; whoknew
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To: eekitsagreek

I just heard that something unidentified has fallen to earth in Shepperton, England.
No details yet..


41 posted on 10/30/2008 9:13:13 PM PDT by HereInTheHeartland (Flush Obama/Biden in 2008!!!!)
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To: eekitsagreek

For Sale: TINFOIL HATS only $49.99. Limited Supply. Order Now. Call: BR5499 and ask for Earl


42 posted on 10/30/2008 9:13:17 PM PDT by CaribouCrossing
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To: eekitsagreek
I'm detecting a massive methane and sulpher dioxide component as well... Wait.. that may be me.

/johnny

43 posted on 10/30/2008 9:13:34 PM PDT by JRandomFreeper (God Bless us all, each, and every one.)
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To: eekitsagreek

I’m pretty sure the jet of hot gas was from Uranus.


44 posted on 10/30/2008 9:13:44 PM PDT by PetroniusMaximus
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To: eekitsagreek

Even if true, it’s a wee bit far for hydrogen to make the trip from Mars to L.A.


45 posted on 10/30/2008 9:14:24 PM PDT by umgud (In a crisis, dump gold, buy lead)
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To: eekitsagreek

Check the back side of 0bama’s pants. He is the commander of the universe, after all./s


46 posted on 10/30/2008 9:14:29 PM PDT by mplsconservative
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To: eekitsagreek

For Sale: TINFOIL HATS only $49.99. Limited Supply. Order Now. Call: BR5499 and ask for Earl


47 posted on 10/30/2008 9:14:31 PM PDT by CaribouCrossing
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To: usmcobra
I had a gas explosion in my pants, should I be worried?

Only if you're holding a match back there. Now as for the people around you...

48 posted on 10/30/2008 9:14:37 PM PDT by AFreeBird
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To: eekitsagreek

ANNOUNCER TWO: We take you now to Grovers Mill, New Jersey.

(CROWD NOISES . . . POLICE SIRENS)

PHILLIPS: I wish I could convey the atmosphere . . . the background of this . . . fantastic scene. Hundreds of cars are parked in a field in back of us. Police are trying to rope off the roadway leading to the farm. But it’s no use. They’re breaking right through. Cars’ headlights throw an enormous spot on the pit where the object’s half buried. Some of the more daring souls are now venturing near the edge. Their silhouettes stand out against the metal sheen.

(FAINT HUMMING SOUND)

One man wants to touch the thing . . . he’s having an argument with a policeman. The policeman wins. . . . Now, ladies and gentlemen, there’s something I haven’t mentioned in all this excitement, but now it’s becoming more distinct. Perhaps you’ve caught it already on your radio. Listen:

(LONG PAUSE) . . .

Do you hear it? It’s a curious humming sound that seems to come from inside the object. I’ll move the microphone nearer. (PAUSE) Now we’re not more then twenty-five feet away. Can you hear it now? Oh, Professor Pierson!

PIERSON: Yes, Mr. Phillips?

PHILLIPS: Can you tell us the meaning of that scraping noise inside the thing?

PIERSON: Possibly the unequal cooling of its surface.

PHILLIPS: I see, do you still think it’s a meteor, Professor?

PIERSON: I don’t know what to think. The metal casing is definitely extraterrestrial . . . not found on this earth. Friction with the earth’s atmosphere usually tears holes in a meteorite. This thing is smooth and, as you can see, of cylindrical shape.

PHILLIPS: Just a minute! Something’s happening! Ladies and gentlemen, this is terrific! This end of the thing is beginning to flake off! The top is beginning to rotate like a screw! The thing must be hollow!

VOICES: She’s movin’! Look, the darn thing’s unscrewing! Keep back, there! Keep back, I tell you! Maybe there’s men in it trying to escape! It’s red hot, they’ll burn to a cinder! Keep back there. Keep those idiots back!

(SUDDENLY THE CLANKING SOUND OF A HUGE PIECE OF FALLING METAL)

VOICES: She’s off! The top’s loose! Look out there! Stand back!

PHILLIPS: Ladies and gentlemen, this is the most terrifying thing I have ever witnessed . . . Wait a minute! Someone’s crawling out of the hollow top. Someone or . . . something. I can see peering out of that black hole two luminous disks . . are they eyes? It might be a face. It might be . . .

(SHOUT OF AWE FROM THE CROWD)

PHILLIPS: Good heavens, something’s wriggling out of the shadow like a gray snake. Now it’s another one, and another. They look like tentacles to me. There, I can see the thing’s body. It’s large, large as a bear and it glistens like wet leather. But that face, it . . . Ladies and gentlemen, it’s indescribable. I can hardly force myself to keep looking at it. The eyes are black and gleam like a serpent. The mouth is V-shaped with saliva dripping from its rimless lips that seem to quiver and pulsate. The monster or whatever it is can hardly move. It seems weighed down by . . . possibly gravity or something. The thing’s raising up. The crowd falls back now. They’ve seen plenty. This is the most extraordinary experience. I can’t find words . . . I’ll pull this microphone with me as I talk. I’ll have to stop the description until I can take a new position. Hold on, will you please, I’ll be right back in a minute.


49 posted on 10/30/2008 9:14:48 PM PDT by Knitting A Conundrum (Act Justly, Love Mercy, and Walk Humbly With God Micah 6:8)
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To: eekitsagreek

Mars needs a bailout. We should nationalize Mars. Our taxpayers will have a hefty profit when we resell Mars at a higher price.


50 posted on 10/30/2008 9:15:15 PM PDT by mysterio
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To: eekitsagreek

Gas Explosions Occuring on Mars!!

What's Michael Moore doing on Mars eating tacos?
51 posted on 10/30/2008 9:15:18 PM PDT by PackerBronco
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To: All

Incandescent gasses from an explosion on Mars has caused double posts on this forum.


52 posted on 10/30/2008 9:15:50 PM PDT by CaribouCrossing
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To: redk

Well, whatever it is, I’m sure its all George Bush’s fault!


53 posted on 10/30/2008 9:15:58 PM PDT by April Lexington (I'm voting for McCain in 2008 and Jefferson Davis in 2012)
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To: babydubya1981

Best FR meme ever.


54 posted on 10/30/2008 9:16:33 PM PDT by Terpfen (To all you knee-jerkers: remember Rick Santorum.)
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To: mysterio

What? No carbon credits?


55 posted on 10/30/2008 9:16:55 PM PDT by mplsconservative
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To: eekitsagreek

Looks like a meteorite landed on some farm in Grovers Mill. Carl Phillips is on his way there and he will give us a “word picture” of the scene.

Interesting.


56 posted on 10/30/2008 9:17:10 PM PDT by eekitsagreek (Give me a Stanley Cup (or Amy Grant) PLEASE!)
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To: eekitsagreek

No, but I did see some flashes of light behind my farm here in New Jersey.


57 posted on 10/30/2008 9:17:34 PM PDT by Chaguito
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To: All

OMG, you guys are funny! My hubby is asleep—stop making me laugh out loud!


58 posted on 10/30/2008 9:17:49 PM PDT by RaiderRose (Don't be a racist. Vote for 0bama.)
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To: knarf

“Martian farts really sink!”

You haven’t smelled stink until you’ve smelled a Uranus fart!


59 posted on 10/30/2008 9:17:56 PM PDT by CaribouCrossing
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To: eekitsagreek; Salamander

This thread needs more intragalactic cowbell.


60 posted on 10/30/2008 9:17:56 PM PDT by shibumi (...vampire outlaw of the milky way...)
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