Those Wedding Bell Blues

At times, you find yourself thinking that nothing ever changes, and then, one day, you look around and you feel like Rip Van Winkle. Over night, it seems, the whole world seems topsy-turvy.

For instance, when I was a youngster, I didn’t know anybody whose parents had gotten divorced. Even though none of my friends or relatives were Catholics, the whole idea of divorce was so alien that when a cousin of mine split up with his wife, everybody in the family had to take the equivalent of a blood oath not to tell my grandmother. To this day, I don’t have the slightest idea what story they concocted to explain Beverly’s disappearance. For all I know, they may have implied that my cousin had severed their relationship with an axe. Anything, after all, was less shameful than divorce.

These days, not only has divorce become rather commonplace, but among Hollywood’s role models, having children out of wedlock is considered tres chic. Unlike some people, I don’t entirely blame the fictional Murphy Brown for setting a bad example. But she certainly didn’t help things.

What I fail to understand is how it is that couples in long-running relationships, especially those couples with children such as Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell, Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins, Johnny Depp and Vanessa Paradis -- couples who give every indication of growing old together -- decide not to make it legal.

Are they that terrified of not appearing hip? Are they afraid that after 10 or 20 years of living together, the marriage ceremony will make the magic vanish? Or have they managed to convince themselves that, without the vows and the rings and the toaster ovens, they’re proving that they’re staying together because they choose to, and not just because they don’t want to risk ever finding themselves on a first-name basis with a gaggle of divorce lawyers?

Or maybe, even after the babies started showing up, they still weren’t sure it was really for keeps. After that, not being married just became something of a habit. And what with their friends and agents telling them how cool they were, they didn’t dare risk looking square.

Being a traditionalist myself, I’m hoping that down the road, after their various sons and daughters have grown up and left the nest, Goldie and Kurt, Susan and Tim, Johnny and Vanessa, will all finally tie the knot, explaining as they do so: “We just stayed single for the sake of the kids.”

Johnny, having lived with my grandmother for these last nigh-unto twenty-some years without marrying her, and having renovated not just her house, but a number of others that he then sold for profit, endeavored to teach me to play the guitar (and especially, HIS guitar, which he made by hand from a dead log and some leftover catgut), being that he was a natural at music, but alas, being tone deaf, I never did master it - still, I respected their relationship, and understood that getting married, at this late stage in life, would severely curtail their Social Security benefits, and hence their ability to enjoy life even in that backwater part of Florida, where votes are notoriously stolen - one year, back in the 1890’s or some such, the Sheriff had sent TWO wagons with the ballots down to the capital (one was a decoy) to be counted - by various deceptive routes - both of which were hijacked, resulting in a typical FL hanging chad of an election, which we continued to see lo these 120 years later, in albore’s FSSC challange to the Bush victory, thus demonstrating that the more things change, the more that they remain the same, to soon be followed, as I read today, by Hillary’s challenge to the Texas caucus, which will implade the Democratic arguments, and give the rest of us one heck of a laugh - if we can keep a staight face through it all - but won’t help Johnny or grandma one whit, and sure won’t help my guitar picking.

(LOL)

Or have they managed to convince themselves that, without the vows and the rings and the toaster ovens, they’re proving that they’re staying together because they choose to, and not just because they don’t want to risk ever finding themselves on a first-name basis with a gaggle of divorce lawyers?

How To Know if Your Common-Law Marriage Is Recognized
From Sheri & Bob Stritof,
Your Guide to Marriage.

Common-law marriage is not as common as many people believe. Living together does not mean you have a common-law marriage. There are strict requirements that have to be met for common-law marriages to be considered valid. Additionally, only a few states in the United States recognize common-law marriages.

Difficulty: Average
Time Required: varies

Here's How:
Ascertain if the state/country you are living in recognizes common-law marriages. Only a few states plus the District of Columbia recognize common-law marriages. Currently, common-law marriages are recognized by: Alabama, Colorado, Iowa, Kansas, Montana, Rhode Island, South Carolina, Texas, Utah, and Washington, D.C.

Generally, there are four requirements for a valid common-law marriage. Just living together isn't enough to validate a common-law marriage.

Requirement One:
You must live together.

Requirement Two:
You must present yourselves to others as a married couple. Some ways of doing this are by using the same last name, referring to one another as husband or wife, and filing a joint tax return.

Requirement Three:
Although the time frame is not defined, you have to be together for a significant period of time.

Requirement Four:
You must intend to be married.

In the U.S., the agreement by every state to recognize as valid a common-law marriage that was recognized in another state has been challenged by many states creating state laws not recognizing same sex marriages valid in other locales. It is best to consult an attorney to make sure your common-law marriage is recognized in the state where you are currently residing.

Note:
The Social Security Administration will only recognize your common-law marriage if the state where you reside recognizes your common-law marriage.

To make sure that you would be eligible for survivor benefits, you need to go to a SSA office and fill out forms, provide statements from two blood relatives, and provide supporting evidence of your common-law relationship.

Your Federal Income Tax, Publication 17:
"Considered married. "You are considered married for the whole year if on the last day of your tax year you and your spouse meet any one of the following tests ... 2. You are living together in a common law marriage that is recognized in the state where you now live or in the state where the common law marriage began." page 20

Tips:
These states have restrictions and only recognize common-law marriages performed/created by a certain date: Georgia, January 1, 1997

Idaho, January 1, 1996

Ohio, October 10, 1991

Oklahoma, November 1, 1998. Whether the Oklahoma law on this will be upheld is still unknown
More on Oklahoma Common-Law Marriage.

Pennsylvania, January 1, 2005.

New Hampshire only recognizes common-law marriages for probate purposes.

http://marriage.about.com/cs/commonlaw/ht/commonlaw.htm

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