Posted on 11/09/2007 8:55:53 PM PST by Kaslin
Moments after the Senate confirmed President Bush’s nominee for attorney general yesterday, despite objections by some Democrats that Michael Mukasey had been evasive on questions about torture, Mr. Mukasey told Sen. Edward M. Kennedy, “If you really wanted answers, you should have waterboarded me.”
Waterboarding is a rarely-used interrogation technique that simulates drowning to extract vital information from a terrorist. During confirmation hearings, Mr. Mukasey refused to definitively say whether he thinks the procedure constitutes torture, a declaration which would ban it from the U.S. government’s list of intelligence-gathering options.
“Ted Kennedy thinks I’m a clear and present danger to America,” said Mr. Mukasey, “but he didn’t have the guts to do what it takes to get the answer he believed would have protected our nation. A few drops of water in my nostrils and I would would have sung like Khalid Sheikh Mohammed.”
“Of course,” Mr. Mukasey noted, “perhaps Sen. Kennedy didn’t think waterboarding me would work. After all, he knows from personal experience that a man can nearly drown and still keep a secret.”
Kopechne didn’t drown, she suffocated.
The vast editorial staff at ScrappleFace.com is honored that you saw fit to post this “fake but true” news from the world’s leading family-friendly daily news satire site. That honor would rise to a higher plain were you to post an excerpt, rather than the full text, and to include a link to the original story. Thank you.
Original: http://www.scrappleface.com/?p=2768
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“Senator, what if I’m pregnant?”
“We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.”
Yeah but, on the other hand, we do get to laugh at them. :=) I'm not sure how bad it really makes us look anyway. Satire has been suckering people in for ages.
“Aww, I was hoping he actually said it.”
Scrappleface does a commendable job of expressing thoughts that were not actually said.
Ted is an expert, of course, on the agonies of death by drowning; having watched Mary Jo as she pleaded with him to get her out of the Oldsmobile, and then as he watched her wreath and wretch as the water overcame her.
It is very difficult to satirize liberals. No matter how unbelievable the satire, liberals will out do it by their actual words and deeds.
Thanks, I needed that.
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