One day Mom was cleaning Junior’s room and in the closet she found a
bondage S&M magazine.
This was highly upsetting for her. She hid the magazine until his Father
got home and showed it to him.
He looked at it and handed it back to her with out a word.
So she asked him, “What should we do about this?”
Dad looked at her and said, “Well I don’t think you should spank him.”
* * *
Nag, nag, nag
An attorney got home late one evening, after a very taxing day trying to
get a stay of execution for a client, James Wright, who was due to be
hanged for murder at midnight. His last-minute plea for clemency to the
governor had failed and he was feeling worn out and depressed.
As soon as he got through the door at home, his wife started on him
about, “What time of night do you call this? Where have you been?” And
on and on.
Too shattered to play his usual role in this familiar ritual, he went and
poured himself a shot of whisky and headed off for a long hot soak in the
bathtub pursued by the predictable sarcastic remarks.
While he was in the bath, the phone rang.
The wife answered and was told that her husband’s client had been
granted his stay of execution after all.
Finally realizing what a day he must have had, she decided to go upstairs to
give him the good news. As she opened the bathroom door, she was greeted by
the sight of her husband’s rear end as he was bent over naked drying his
legs and feet.
“They’re not hanging Wright tonight,” she said.
He whirled around and screamed, “FOR CRYING OUT LOUD, WOMAN DON’T YOU EVER
STOP
* * *
Paul Newman
A Michigan woman and her family were vacationing in a small New England town
where Paul Newman and his family often visited. One Sunday morning, the
woman got up early to take a long walk. After a brisk five-mile hike, she
decided to treat herself to a double-dip chocolate ice cream cone. She
hopped in the car, drove to the center of the village and went straight to
the combination bakery/ice cream parlor. There was only one other patron in
the store: Paul Newman, sitting at the counter having a doughnut and coffee.
The woman’s heart skipped a beat as her eyes made contact with those famous
baby-blue eyes. The actor nodded graciously and the star-struck woman smiled
demurely.
Pull yourself together, she chided herself. You’re a happily married woman
with three children; you’re forty-five years old, not a teenager! The clerk
filled her order and she took the double-dip chocolate ice cream cone in one
hand and her change in the other. Then she went out the door, avoiding even
a glance in Paul Newman’s direction.
When she reached her car, she realized that she had a handful of change -
but her other hand was empty. Where’s my ice cream cone? Did I leave it in
the store? Back into the shop she went, expecting to see the cone still in
the clerk’s hand or in a holder on the counter or something. But no ice
cream cone was in sight.
With that, she happened to look over at Paul Newman. His face broke into his
familiar warm, friendly grin and he said to the woman, “You put it in your
purse.”
LOL
Howdy, sugar
Good jokes today, you two......I just got a couple blond jokes in email.....
Two blondes with hammers, Carol and Donna, were doing some carpenter
work on a Habitat for Humanity house. Carol, who was nailing down house
siding,
would reach into her nail pouch, pull out a nail, and either toss it over
her
shoulder or nail it in.
Donna, figuring this was worth looking into, asked, “Why are you
throwing those nails away?”
Carol explained, “When I pull a nail out of my pouch, about half of
them have the head on the wrong end, and I throw them away.”
Donna got completely upset and yelled, “You moron! Those nails aren’t
defective! They’re for the other side of the house.
A blonde hurried into the emergency room late one night with the tip of
her index finger shot off.
“How did this happen?” the emergency room doctor asked her.
“Well, I was trying to commit suicide,” the blonde replied.
“What?” sputtered the doctor. “You tried to commit suicide by
shooting off your finger?”
“No, Silly,” the blonde said, “first I put the gun to my chest, and
then I thought, I just paid $6,000.00 for these implants. I’m not shooting
myself in the chest.”
“So then?” asked the doctor.
“Then I put the gun in my mouth, and I thought, “I just paid
$3,000.00 to get my teeth straightened. I’m not shooting myself in the
mouth.”
“So then?” asked the doctor.
“Then I put the gun to my ear, and I thought: “This is going to make a
loud noise. So I put my finger in my other ear before I pulled the trigger.