"Surprise Child"--Finding Joy in Unplanned Pregnancy

Breakpoint with Chuck Colson ^ | 1/25/2007 | Chuck Colson

[Mr. Silverback]

When you hear the words crisis pregnancy, you probably picture an unmarried teenager, too young to deal with the trauma of sin’s unexpected consequences. But according to a study compiled by the National Institutes of Health, up to 60 percent of all pregnancies in the United States are unplanned, affecting three million women—and their families—every year. And these are not just teenagers.

Picture the mother with a still-young infant and postpartum depression; or the family with three young children and a father who has just deployed to Iraq; or the parents nearing retirement and planning for their teenagers’ college funds. For these families, the expected bundle of joy can feel more like a bundle of troubles.

That last example was the story of Leslie Leyland Fields, a then-43-year-old college professor who found out she was pregnant with her fifth child—and then two years later with her sixth. The news of her fifth and sixth pregnancies did not come easily to Fields or her husband, who thought they were done with diapers and midnight feedings. She writes honestly about her struggle to find joy in these pregnancies in a book called Surprise Child.

In addition to a busy career teaching and writing and four children nearly grown, Fields and her husband were commercial salmon fishermen. Their lives were full to the brim, and the news of first one and then two babies was overwhelming. In the midst of this personal crisis, Fields found that her church friends could not understand why she was upset, yet her work colleagues could not understand why she would choose to have two more children. Feeling alone and isolated, Fields says she knew that “God is the maker of life” and that she had “to find a way to receive with open hands these children He had made.” And she did just that, realizing in the process that her surprise children were no surprise to God and that He would supply her family with everything they needed, including the strength and joy to love two more children.

Sadly, only half of women experiencing unplanned pregnancies make the choice to welcome a surprise child. The others abort their babies.

That’s why Fields’s book is so important. Through sharing her own story of coming to terms with unexpected pregnancy, Fields gives hope to women who often feel their only choice is abortion. She shows how God can redeem even the most difficult of circumstances and give a mother love for the surprise child who seems, at first, more like a curse than a blessing.

If you or someone you know is facing the trauma of an unplanned pregnancy, I encourage you to get a copy of Fields’s book Surprise Child: Finding Hope in Unexpected Pregnancy. You can also find helpful resources by visiting our website at BreakPoint.org.

And unplanned pregnancy can seem like a crisis, but it does not have to end that way. Remember, an unplanned pregnancy may be a surprise to us, but no child is a surprise to God. And the child we think we don’t want often turns out to be the greatest blessing—as countless mothers, persuaded by protestors at abortion clinics not to abort, have frequently reported.

Remember Jesus’ words: “Whoever welcomes one of these little children in my name welcomes Me.”

[mdmathis6]

I can't wait to see the 2010 census data, I think the data will have a few surprises for the "death of the white race" crowd!

[Physicist]

I'm amazed at how many otherwise intelligent and mature people who claim not to want children can mess up birth control.

Sometimes It Fails.

Trust me on this.

[mvpel]

Our new son was a product of a serious crisis pregnancy - his mother was in her early 30s, and already had an infant daughter born less than a year earlier than him, and an older daughter with Downs Syndrome already living with her grandmother. His father was in jail, and completely disavowed any responsibility for the child.

But she decided not to kill him, and gave birth to him a few weeks early in February 2004, and immediately gave him up to Baby Home #8 in Nizhniy Tagil, Russia. We met him for the first time when he was 13 months old, in March of 2005, and we finally slogged through the paperwork and brought him home in July of last year, and he has been the light of our lives ever since.

He's a precious, beautiful, sparkling jewel of a child, and our hearts are brimming over with love and delight after 13 years of waiting to have a family of our own. We're considering going back for a daughter now.

[TightyRighty]

Um, I was kidding. However, while condoms and pills alone are not 100% effective - condoms and pills together or tubal ligation and vasectomies together are really close. As a married couple, if you're REALLY that dead set against having more kids - do something about it. Either castrate your husband or don't have sex.

[the OlLine Rebel]

"many of the mothers who "make" their daughters have abortions because it will "ruin their life"."


They should paraphrase their thinking to...

"...because sex will 'ruin my life'..."

[the OlLine Rebel]

That's really sad.

And how was the BF going to be arrested, pray tell?

[LWalk18]

Your son is adorable!

[the OlLine Rebel]

That is wonderful! Thank you for the story - and the pix!

[fortunecookie]

What is most discouraging is how many of the mothers who "make" their daughters have abortions because it will "ruin their life".

BTTT!

I think most everyone knows someone like this. Recently, the teen daughter of an acquaintance was 'forced' into an abortion. Ironically, her own mother married just months before her own surprise baby (this girl's older sib) and is still happily married and well off, money wasn't an issue.

[Mrs. Don-o]

Back in the old days, my mother's days, no babies were "surprise babies" --- the concept would have been considered nonsensical. If you were sharing a bed with your husband, you expected to be having babies....

And yet my mother, never having used a contraceptive, only had two kids. She went 17 years without conceiving, and then had two between age 37 amd 40.

I'm not making a general pint here. If anything, I'm refuting the notion you sometimes hear, that if you don't use contraceptives you'll end up with 16 kids. The truth is, you don't know.

The one thing you do know, is that intercourse is a probable cause of pregnancy. On bad effect of contraception is that it makes pregnancy seem like a violation of the rules, an anomaly, an imposition, or an outrage: when --- as anybody over the age of 9 ought to know --- that's what happens. That's where babies come from.

[Mr. Silverback]

Same with our second and third. Oh, we planned to have more than one child, but the timing was waaaayyyy different from our plan.

[MHGinTN]

I know what you mean ... I have a three years old step-grandson who was very unplanned, so unplanned in fact that his mother will not reveal whom is the father! That little boy is such a gift from God, such a joy in life, especially at my age.

[Mr. Silverback]

Sounds wonderful, and he's definitely a handsome lad. You guys are to be commended for your choice, and so is his biological mother.

Check your freepmail in a minute.

[Mr. Silverback]

Both of ours have been a joy...of cource, so is their very well-planned older brother.

Just wanted to tell you, step-grandads rock. My grandmother married twice after diviorcing my paternal grandfather, and both men were wonderfully kind. I'll bet you're of the same mold.

[TightyRighty]

I agree with you 100%.

[amchugh]

Oh, I know it fails, I should have said not use birth control. Also, I've met a lot of guys who say they never wanted kids who were subsequently nailed by paternity claims. These guys never even considered a vasectomy.

[s_asher]

Married women at least have benefit of a (hopefully) supporting family if she opt to have a baby. The problem is with young, unmarried girls who are pregnant and feel they're better off getting an abortion, because the father is unwilling to take responsibility and few men are willing to date single moms because they don't want to end up being financially liable for someone else's kid.

Yes women who have abortions suffer post-abortion depression. But women who give birth also suffer from postpartum depression. In our culture today women are raised in an environment where they learn to turn their nose at "wifely' and "motherly" skills like cooking, cleaning, mothering, nuturing, want kids, etc. They'd rather be successful at their careers and be financially secure without needing a husband. I just can't picture a modern feminist being happy staying home to care for her children.

[IrishRainy]

how was the BF going to be arrested?

Exactly! The father didn't know his last name or where he lived, but he was Mexican so he couldn't stand him and forbade her to see him. Little did he know, she had been sneaking out at night to see him off and on for TWO YEARS, so he obviously couldn't control her in the first place.

Another really ironic saga in this story is that apparently the BF's mother just found out she was pregnant too. Nevertheless, she wanted the girl to have an abortion.

She miscarried her baby the next day.

[IrishRainy]

And I imagine she's cut herself off from or not speaking to her father, either.

Yeah, she claims she hates him now and will never speak to him again.

But this is the same girl who initially said she was pro-life, could never kill her own child, and was going to keep the baby.

She's an idiot.