My Father Was an Anonymous Sperm Donor

Washington Post ^ | 17 December 2006 | Katrina Clark

[dmw]

"But what do you get it for Father's Day?"

A turkey?

[editor-surveyor]

"I have that same problem, although for slightly different reasons......"

But does it drag you down like it does with her?

[AnAmericanMother]

I'm not sure this is just a pity party. I think she makes a very valid point that needs to be made.

For years, the shrinks and the liberals and the rest of the no-responsibility crowd have been claiming that "it doesn't matter" to children if their parents get divorced, or if they are raised by single moms, or a couple of gay guys, or a couple of lesbians.

That mindset seems to have given permission to a lot of people to beget or bear children with zero intent to exercise any parental responsibility -- like the mother in this article, to have a baby without a thought about having no father, or having to raise the kid with food stamps, just because her biological clock was ticking away. In other words, it's all about HER.

That is a far cry from the tragedies and accidents and mistakes that have always resulted in some babies growing up without their daddies (or their mommies), due to death or illness or desertion or even unintended pregnancy.

It's one thing to "suck it up" and go forward in life despite the accidents of birth, that happen to us all.

Quite another matter to ignore the deliberate begetting or bearing of a child into such a situation.

The mother needs to be called to account for such selfish behavior - there's no other name for it.

THEN the girl can go on and get on with her life - which it seems she's doing, since she's in college and all.

[Elsie]

Life is what happens to ya, after you've made other plans!

[Albion Wilde]

Boo-hoo

Oh, you're nice.

[Albion Wilde]

Wow, you and newzjunkey get the "compassionate conservative" award of this thread so far.


Not.

[Albion Wilde]

Sad the author wasn't born to two lesbian mothers as that would have eased her pain and made her life easy by being in a well cared for, loving family.

Forgot your sarcasm tag.

[Albion Wilde]

Oh whine whine whine! How is this any different from adoption where nothing is known about either parent?

It is different because the mother deprived this woman of a father intentionally and permanently, no matter what kind of relationship they may develop now, and it doesn't sound too promising. You can't go back and replace the fathering that needs to be there at every stage of growth, from infancy onward.

A child adopted into a stable two-parent home at least has both parents ostensibly trying to give it all that it needs to achieve stable growth and adult competency. This author's mother did not care about her potential child's need for a father.

[Albion Wilde]

Find some bootstraps and a life! None of us are asked to be born into whatever situation we find ourselves. Life is hard for all of us.

This is a callous attitude. If you believe this, then conservatives have no argument with liberals who create welfare ghettos through their policies -- where's the harm? You need to rethink what it takes to make a successful, productive citizen capable of giving back to society more than he or she takes away. Single parenthood is a demonstrably unpromising route to achieve a high-quality citizenry.

[TEXOKIE]

bttt

[Albion Wilde]

This whiner needs to get a life....of her own. She has a chance to be anything she sets her mind to.....instead she whines and laments. What a shame.

You are missing her point. Her point supports conservative values and puts the lie to liberal pontificating about divorce, free sex, femnazi diminishment of men, single parenting and gay parenting.

[Albion Wilde]

Reading comprehension: "this dude" is a woman.

[Albion Wilde]

Boo hoo. Get over it.

Hope all you libertarians on this thread have no kids yet. You need to grow a heart first.

[BillyBoy]

>> I'm 18, and for most of my life, I haven't known half my origins. I didn't know where my nose or jaw came from, or my interest in foreign cultures. That part came from my father. The only thing was, I had never met him, never heard any stories about him, never seen a picture of him. I didn't know his name. My mother never talked about him -- because she didn't have a clue who he was.When she was 32, my mother -- single, and worried that she might never marry and have a family -- allowed a doctor wearing rubber gloves to inject a syringe of sperm from an unknown man into her uterus so that she could have a baby. I am the result: a donor-conceived child. And for a while, I was pretty angry about it. I was angry at the idea that where donor conception is concerned, everyone focuses on the "parents" -- the adults who can make choices about their own lives. The recipient gets sympathy for wanting to have a child. The donor gets a guarantee of anonymity and absolution from any responsibility for the offspring of his "donation." As long as these adults are happy, then donor conception is a success, right? Not so. The children born of these transactions are people, too. Those of us in the first documented generation of donor babies -- conceived in the late 1980s and early '90s, when sperm banks became more common and donor insemination began to flourish -- are coming of age, and we have something to say. I'm here to tell you that emotionally, many of us are not keeping up. We didn't ask to be born into this situation, with its limitations and confusion. It's hypocritical of parents and medical professionals to assume that biological roots won't matter to the "products" of the cryobanks' service, when the longing for a biological relationship is what brings customers to the banks in the first place.We offspring are recognizing the right that was stripped from us at birth -- the right to know who both our parents are. <<

Meet Mary Cheney's kid, 18 years from now.

And as much as the liberals would like to claim, Heather Poe is not the kid's "parent". Heather Poe is a woman who happens to be having a sexual relationship with the child's mother.

[Albion Wilde]

I'm astonished that more people here are encouraging this self-indulgent drivel.

Sometimes when people have a very painful childhood, they wall up their feelings; later, as adults, they lack compassion for others rather than remember the pain of being abandoned, abused or neglected. At least this author is clear about how she feels and will be better able to avoid inflicting pain on her children, if she is ever blessed with them.

[Cvengr]

Good news, Bad news,....the good news is that you were NOT an accident,...please pass the stuffing and gravy......

[Albion Wilde]

I wonder if this complainer has concern for potential brothers and sisters who remain frozen awaiting the opportunity to be spun in centrifuges to harvest stem cells to fix Michael Fox and Arlen Specter.

What, in her essay, makes you think she doesn't?

[Albion Wilde]

My 13 year old daughter was told three years ago by her mother, my ex-wife, that I was not her biological father....The emotional damage that has been done by revealing the facts of her conception has had devastating and long reaching consequences...

Hang in there, Harry. I had a"mother of choice", who supplemented the "mother of origin" in very important ways. Both of our lives would have been diminished without this mutual, informal adoption of one another when I was in my 30s with a small child and she in her 60s going through her husband's last illness and death. Keep contacting your daughter and do everything to let her know that real love is transcendent. Your faithfulness as a protective father can help her understand that people from two different families and biologies must meet on spiritual grounds in order to marry and carry on the human race.

[Albion Wilde]

Because you saw a woman with one arm does not make you fully aware of the feelings and experiences of a woman with one parent, caused by her one parent's willfullness. Is there only room for concern in your heart for the victims of extreme tragedy, and none for the victims of chronic neglect?

[Albion Wilde]

Pretty amazing how many jerks there are on FR lately (no pun intended...)

It's flabbergasting. I guess people are hardening their hearts to prepare for the Democrat Congress or to cope with the world in disarray. It's been a noticeable uptick in jerkitude.