Posted on 10/08/2006 5:20:54 PM PDT by GretchenM
We asked Tom and Ray to give us their Top 10 scariest cars. They came through and were even kind enough to tell us for whom exactly the cars are scary.
Scary for: Bystanders and other drivers
Looks like an early Ford Mustang, right? It is, on the outside anyway. The inside, however, is all Ford Falcon, a pedestrian vehicle if ever there was one. So what, you say? Well, drop a Boss V-8 into a Ford Falcon and what do you get? An overpowered car that doesn't have the shocks, brakes or structural rigidity to turn or stop well. In other words ... look out!
Scary for: Bystanders and other drivers
Garish? Sure, but that's not our complaint. This was the height of muscle-cardom. This was when American car manufacturers figured out how to make humongous, powerful engines. Sadly, they hadn't yet figured out how to do handling, so you had an overpowered rear-wheel-drive car with no weight in the rear end. As a result, when there was half a drop of rain on the ground this thing spun around like Dizzy Dan from the Battling Tops. Anything but perfect weather, and it was totally uncontrollable.
Scary for: Firefighters and plastic surgeons
What could possibly be scarier than a car endorsed by both the Shriners' Burn Ward Fundraising Division and the League of Asbestos-Clothing Manufacturers? These cars had an unfortunate tendency to explode when hit from behind, since that's where the gas tank was located. Ford did eventually fix the problem, but the damage was done, so to speak. Being anywhere near a Pinto still gives us visions of Robert Duvall calling in airstrikes in "Apocalypse Now."
Scary for: Drivers
Here's a scary idea: Design a car so the occupants' legs are the very first line of defense in a frontal crash. Then add poor stability. Shaped like a pizza box standing on end, the Microbus blew around on the highway like Calista Flockhart in a wind tunnel. Drivers never had time to worry about these issues, though; they were too busy trying to keep themselves warm in the chilly Bus.
Scary for: Onlookers
Just take a gander at this. No wonder they named it the Thing; it was styled by the same guy who invented the cookie sheet. Thankfully, they rusted quickly enough that few remain to invoke PTSD for former owners.
Scary for: Mechanics
The Monza was designed as an economy car, so it was built to have a four-cylinder engine. Unfortunately, when sales slowed down, some geniuses at Chevy decided that what the Monza needed was a V-8, so they shoehorned one in there. The result? Half the spark plugs are almost impossible to reach; to get at them you need rappelling equipment and an air chisel. Whenever one of these beauties reared its ugly grille in front of the garage, every mechanic with more than six weeks' experience would go running for the men's room and lock the door.
Scary for: Drivers
Rolling over is fine if you've got personal knowledge of Knuckles Goldberg's wrongdoings and you're heading into the witness protection program. Rolling over at 70 miles per hour on asphalt, when you're swerving to avoid an errant chipmunk? Not so good. These cars were cheap, so they were purchased mostly by young drivers — the people most likely to end up hanging from the seat belt with four wheels in the air. Scarier still, the Samurai wasn't that much worse than other SUVs of the era.
Scary for: Drivers
Take a good look at this car. Kind of small, wouldn't you say? Now imagine yourself in a Festiva surrounded by amphetamine-snacking tractor-trailer drivers. Going 75 miles per hour. At night. In the rain. Scared yet? We sure are. We once got in trouble for saying this car came right from the factory with a funeral wreath on the grille.
Scary for: Society, the environment and therapists
When you stop to think about what kind of person would buy a Hummer, you begin to worry about the future of our country. This is a person who feels so inadequate inside that he has to drive around pretending the 82nd Airborne will be backing him up in his next argument over a parking space. On the environmental side, the Hummer burns through resources like there's no tomorrow. And if enough idiots keep driving them, there won't be.
Scary for: Onlookers
Well, now we know where the designers of the Volkswagen Thing went to work after VW canned their sorry butts. Take a good look at this vehicle — it's a tribute to the art of unfortunate compromises. Someone at GM said "take a minivan, whack off a few corners and make something we can call a utility vehicle." The car itself was not bad — rather utilitarian, actually — but it pinned the needle on the visual pollution scale.
Posted on 10/2/06
I say, Minion of the Prince of Darkness - why no keyboard alert? So many Lucas jokes and no warning - perhaps you are a CompUSA stockholder.
Having laughed at all of your posts, I must add that I used two Land/Rover 109 Safari Wagons at the Institute for years. Thousands of people rode in them and the only time one came home on the end of a rope was when a distributor rotor broke.
Happily, it was back in service after lunch.
;-)
Jeeps are just famous. Land/Rovers are legendary!
S upremely
U nderutilized
V ehicle
I had a friend who had a 3/4 ton ford pick up (green, with KC lights on the top of it. Two gas tanks. He would fill up the tanks and siphon them out into his ford pinto to drive around town in. NEVER a gas shortage for this guy. No one escaped standing in the gas lines.
Your comment on the push button tranny reminded me of my scariest car, a 1964 Dodge Dart GT that I put a 318 into but didn't bother to upgrade the 9 inch drums.
One AM I came down a long stretch of highway and had to actually stand on the brakes for about 4 seconds before those brakes overheated and simply faded away.
The next 30 seconds were terror as I HAD to swerve in and out of traffic until I could recover control.
The next week I bought a new F150. My wife was never so glad to see that car go away.
If anyone wants it for 500 bucks it is in North Ga dry storage. Would likely run as I simply parked it there about 5 years ago. Not a trailer queen tho.
I remember those Samaris. My girlfriend at the time was looking at one and I walked up and pushed relatively lightly on the side of a door with my thumb and left a dent!
This is complete idiocy.
The idea that the H1 is especially wasteful is little more than an urban legend. It has always had an efficient diesel engine, and even with its nearly 8,000 lb. curb weight, managed 15-17 mpg.
I know what you mean about cold in those damn things. We had a pile of blankets and coats JUST FOR RIDING. We would take the coats OFF when we got out of that drafty box.
We were seriously trying to figure out how to get a fire going inside it - even two cans of Sterno did nothing.
Yep the Mustang did have a 390 in 69. It was the last year for it. Mine has the 428 CJ. I don't agree with those libs Tom and Ray about the 69 Mustang. Mine handles just fine. I still drive it every week and still get a smile on my face.
1966 Rambler American - Ran great. Freindly Car, fenders waved at every one that went by. Hood was held on with a Bungee Strap.
1966 Studebaker Commander - The last Studebakler. Had a Chevy Slant 6 engine, and a Chrysler Transmission. But was actually a seet car to drive.
1969 Ford Galxie 500 Convertible - The third "paerents" car I had. Great Chick magnet.
1962 Oldsmobile Dynamic 88 - My first solely ownde car. Restored it to showroom. Rocket 454, Holly 4 barrel. Gas guage dropped at same rate speedometer went up. 8 MPG of pure highway BEAST. MY first love. Destroyed in a rain storm by my ex-wife.
1972 Ford Pinto - Nuff said.
1973 Chevy Vega - Yes it died with a blown engine LOL
1984 Renault Encore - Wonderful Car in Florida. Realized it's limitations in COlorado when 18 Wheelers were passing me going up Loveland Pass. Mercifully put out of my misery by a drunk driver in 1986.
1985 Ford F-250 - 7.3L Deisel. 338,000 miles still running. Now a farm vehicle for a friend of mine.
1986 Honda Accord - Was still going strong with 308,000 miles when a moron rearended my daughter last year.
1992 Honda Accord - I realized reliable right away.
1995 Ford Taurus - good car.
1992 Camaro - OH YEAH BABY.
2002 Ford Explorer Sport Trac - LOved it right up until the transmission started going at 35,000 Miles. then got rid of it quick.
2003 Honda Accord v-6 Sport Coupe - Wife's car. She loves it.
2004 Ford F-150 - LOVE IT! Best handling pick up I have ever driven.
Having owned MGs, Triumphs, and Sunbeam Alpines, I am obligated to repeat the old joke:
Why do the English drink warm beer?... Because their refrigeration units are built by Lucas!!!
The WSJ had a big write up on it at the time.
Funny but would not be allowed these days, especially in Seattle. Not politically correct.
That little Brit car was high maintenance, but there was an almost Zen quality to her upkeep.
Yup...It was the 4 speed 37 hp Gordini that improved on the std. Dauphine's 0-60 mph acceleration time as 32 seconds. And about 40mpg was important to a student. I bought it for $400 while waiting for parts for my 1958 XK-150 roadster. The Jag parts cost more than the Gordini.
That 75 mph on the speedometer...well, call it enthusiastic dreaming.
Great list. Yeah, the Aztek is hard to explain. But where's the Pacer? It was just as ugly as the Aztek.
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