.jpg)
Neyland Stadium, Knoxville, TN
Pride of the Southland Band forms the
on the field
Posted on 09/20/2006 1:17:16 PM PDT by groanup
HOW MANY SEC STUDENTS DOES IT TAKE TO CHANGE A LIGHT BULB?
At VANDERBILT: it takes two, one to change the bulb and one more to explain how they did it every bit as good as the bulbs changed at Harvard.
At GEORGIA : it takes two, one to change the bulb and one to phone an engineer at Georgia Tech for instructions.
At FLORIDA : it takes four, one to screw in the bulb and three to figure out how to get stoned off the old one.
At ALABAMA : it takes five, one to change it, two to reminisce about how The Bear would have done it, and one to throw the old bulb at an NCAA investigator and one to throw the other old bulb at Fulmer.
At OLE MISS: it takes six, one to change it, two to mix the drinks and three to find the perfect J. Crew outfit to wear for the occasion.
At LSU: it takes seven, and each one gets credit for five semester hours.
At KENTUCKY : it takes eight, one to screw it in and seven to discuss how much brighter it seems to shine during basketball season.
At TENNESSEE : it takes ten, two to figure out how to screw it in, two to buy an orange lampshade, and six to phone a radio call-in show and talk about how much they hate Alabama .
At MISSISSIPPI STATE : it takes fifteen, one to screw in the bulb, two to buy the Skoal, and twelve to yell, "GO TO HELL, OLE MISS".
At AUBURN : it takes one hundred, one to change it, forty-nine to talk about how they did it better than at Bama, and fifty to get drunk and roll Toomer's Corner when finished.
At SOUTH CAROLINA : it takes 80,000, one to screw it in and 79,999 to discuss how this finally will be the year that they have a decent football team.
At ARKANSAS : None. There is no electricity in Arkansas.
PLANNING FOR THE FALL FOOTBALL SEASON
Planning for the fall football season in the South is radically different than up North. For those who are planning a football trip to the South, here are some helpful hints.
Women's Accessories
NORTH: ChapStick in back pocket and a $20 bill in the front pocket.
SOUTH: Louis Vuitton duffel with two lipsticks, waterproof mascara, and a fifth of bourbon. Money not necessary - that's what dates are for.
Stadium Size
NORTH: College football stadiums hold 20,000 people.
SOUTH: High school football stadiums hold 20,000 people.
Fathers
NORTH: Expect their daughters to understand Sylvia Plath.
SOUTH: Expect their daughters to understand pass interference.
Campus Decor
NORTH: Statues of founding fathers.
SOUTH: Statues of Heisman trophy winners.
Homecoming Queen
NORTH: Also a physics major.
SOUTH: Also Miss America.
Heroes
NORTH: Rudy Giuliani
SOUTH: Bear Bryant, Archie, Eli and Peyton Manning, Bo Jackson
Getting Tickets
NORTH: 5 days before the game you walk into the ticket office on campusand purchase tickets.
SOUTH: 5 months before the game you walk into the ticket office on campus and put name on waiting list for tickets.
Monday Classes After a Saturday Game
NORTH: Students and teachers not sure they're going to the game, because they have to prepare for classes on Monday.
SOUTH: Teachers cancel Monday classes because they don't want to see the few hung over students that might actually make it to class.
Parking
NORTH: An hour before game time, the University opens the campus for game parking.
SOUTH: RVs sporting their school flags begin arriving on Wednesday for the weekend festivities. The really faithful arrive on Tuesday.
Game Day
NORTH: A few students party in the dorm and watch ESPN on TV.
SOUTH: Every student wakes up, has a beer for breakfast, and rushes over to where ESPN is broadcasting "Game Day Live" to get on camera and wave to the idiots up north who wonder why "Game Day Live" is never broadcast from their campus.
Tailgating
NORTH: Raw meat on a grill, beer with lime in it, listening to local radio station with truck tailgate down.
SOUTH: 30-foot custom pig-shaped smoker fires up at dawn. Cooking accompanied by live performance by "Dave Matthews' Band," who come over during breaks and ask for a hit off bottle of bourbon.
Getting to the Stadium
NORTH: You ask "Where's the stadium?" When you find it, you walk right in.
SOUTH: When you're near it, you'll hear it. On game day it becomes the state's third largest city.
Concessions
NORTH: Drinks served in a paper cup, filled to the top with soda.
SOUTH: Drinks served in a plastic cup, with the home team's mascot on it, filled less than half way with soda, to ensure enough room for bourbon.
When National Anthem is Played
NORTH! : Stands are less than half full, and less than half of them stand up.
SOUTH: 100,000 fans, all standing, sing along in perfect four-part harmony.
The Smell in the Air After the First Score
NORTH: Nothing changes.
SOUTH: Fireworks, with a touch of bourbon.
Commentary (Male)
NORTH: "Nice play."
SOUTH: "Dammit, you slow sumbitch - tackle him and break his legs.."
Commentary (Female)
NORTH: "My, this certainly is a violent sport."
SOUTH: "Dammit, you slow sumbitch tackle him and break his legs."
Announcers
NORTH: Neutral and paid.
SOUTH: Announcer harmonizes with the crowd in the fight song, with a tear in his eye because he is so proud of his team.
After the Game
NORTH: The stadium is empty way before the game ends.
SOUTH: Another rack of ribs goes on the smoker, while somebody goes to the nearest package store for more bourbon, and planning begins for next week's game.
Nothing else in the universe comes even halfway close to the glories of Southern football!
Western Pennsylvania, California, Ohio, and the corn belt. Yes, we have our share of flunkies, but I suspect that a disproportionate number of them are from the South.
on the field
I think that you're the one who may have missed the humor :-)
Yeah, the Midland HIGH SCHOOL stadium holds 18,000 and is routinely sold out.
http://www.kylgrafx.com/rebs/grandecomm.htm
The only time I have ever seen an NFL crowd stay in their seats at halftime was when the halftime entertainment was the Best Damn Band in the Land. It is better to see at the Horseshoe though.
In the south, apparently not very much.
One of these days, when I win the Powerball and can afford it, we'll set off on a tour of these stadiums. That being said, having been to day and night games at Tiger Stadium, there is a very noticeable difference in the crowd's behavior, which is why LSU hates playing day games at home. Bring in Florida, Alabama or Auburn after the sun has set and that place is a nuthouse.
WOW. Chill out man, we're talking about football.
A few years back LSU was playing Auburn at Jordan-Hare Stadium and the old fieldhouse caught fire. Flames were leaping as high as the upper deck. Talk about a barn-burner.
Or Friday night HS hockey in Minnesota
Waaay back when, before PC became the rule..I was at Baton Rouge for a game when Paul Dietzel was the coach..remember the "chinese bandits" defense?..The entire student body wore coolie hats and carried chopsticks....it was a hoot..
When I was a freshman at LSU I actually carried a gallon milk container filled with vodka and orange juice and wasn't stopped.
yep
I think that's pretty common everywhere....
It's probably a combination of people having all day to fuel up along with the fact that night games are generally good matchups....
Very nice.
From my neck of the woods (on the Left Coast):
A UCLA student goes into a bar near the campus of USC. He walks up to the bar and says to the tender, "Hey, I have a great Trojan joke to tell you!"
The bartender says, "Well, before you tell that joke, son, I should tell you that I went to USC, and I'm 6'1, 220 lbs. That guy down the bar, he went to USC, and he's 6'4, 235 lbs. And the bouncer at the door went to USC, and he's 6'6, 300 lbs. of pure muscle. Now...are you SURE you want to tell this joke?"
The UCLA student paused for a second before saying, "Not if I have to explain it three times, no."
photoshop must be a major down there....LOL
ping
LOL
yeah my brother got to go to every single Ohio State home game in the 2002 championship season (he was still a student there).
He would call and I wouldn't hear him at all because it was so loud...especially the Michigan game.
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.