I would say I was probably 4th grade was when I had sex ed in Catholic school. That's probably around 1981 or maybe 5th grade, 1982.
My parents had already discussed it with me before that. Even back then schools knew if they waited too much longer the kid would start puberty and it might be too late.
Thanks everyone for your responses-its gives me a lot to think about. I love this place!
Is fourth grade too young to get the basics about sex ed, especially the strict biology of puberty? NO. I was one of those unlucky Catholic lasses who not only didn't learn it in school, but my mom never informed me. When I got my first period, I thought I was dying and freaked right the hell out.
Get a first hand look at the entire sex ed curriculum that your daughter will be exposed to. I'll bet you lunch you'll be relieved at how tame it is. In fourth grade, it's not about intercourse--it's about changes every child's body goes through, learning the names and functions of all the different parts "down yonder," and hygiene.
With all due respect to your efforts to place your child in a good private (religious/Catholic) school, I think you need to do some serious and immediate research on an alternative private religious school. Here are my reasons for this position:
As a former Catholic (yes, I am now a Protestant) my observation is that the Catholic church here in the U.S. has gone way, way too far in the direction of secularism. How many nuns do you have running the school in which you have placed your child? Probably few, if any. Hence, the 'lay' staff is probably made up of teachers who have opted out of the public school system but do not have a particularly religious 'bent'. I would urge you to visit other private religious schools. You could find that they will not be detrimental to your desire to raise your child as a Catholic (assuming that is one goal you have) but may not be involved in such nonsense as teaching 'sperm' to a small child.
There's not enough in your statement to really make a value judgment regarding the cirriculumn....
If they are teaching the basics of biology then you will doing your child disservice by keeping them out. Especially if the curriculum in non-sexual in nature but simply covering the basic biology points.
All three of my children went through Catholic School from K-12 and if we found the material taught possibly objectionable, we scheduled a time to come in and review with context.
Each time, any concerns or fears were simply set aside when the material was reviewed.
Children in the 4th grade ask many questions.....the answers should be factual but age appropriate. 4th graders are curious where babies come from....they do not however need an in depth discussion of Human Sexuality.
A simple sperm combines with an egg in mommy's tummy that grows into a baby is sufficient. The focus on the biology from that point is pre-natal infant development.
Conclusion, review the material with the school and chances are you will allow your child to participate.
A Catholic School, regardless of Diocese, is not going to teach 4th graders a full course in Human Sexuality. I think your fears are overblown.
My husband is a farm-boy. He doesn't remember a time when he didn't know about sex.
I am a city girl. My mom gave me a couple of pamphlets when I was in 6th grade and health class in grade 7 taught me an awful lot.
We chose to answer our kids questions honestly, but age appropriately. When asked by a little one how a baby gets in a mommy's tummy, my husband says a daddy gives something special to a mommy and sometimes God will turn it into a baby. As the kids age, we add more specifics.
The kids are 10, 9, and 7 now. The 10 and 9 year old know how sex works including proper names for body parts and the like. They also know it is a gift of God for married people. The 7 year old is still just not interested and is good with the explanation in the above paragraph.
Is Grade 4 a good time to explain? Yes. If you have set some groundwork before hand, it will not be a shock to your child. The first time a child hears the word sperm shouldn't be in school, it should be at home.
My son will be having "Family Life" this year in GA, in 7th grade.
I think 6th or 7th is appropriate, but I am checking out the curriculum. I will not allow him to attend if it does not align with our moral code.
I learned about sex in a very matter-of-factly manner in a sex ed course in 5th grade in a Catholic school in 1993. Didn't traumatize me - I had looked up bits and pieces in encyclopedias and such before as I had been earlier somewhat curious (and my parents were definitely of the "not wanting to talk about sex" type). The only part I didn't like was when we "had" to ask the church/school youth minister some sort of sexually-related question. I was 10 - my virginity was still going to be sealed for a looooong time - what did I honestly have to ask?
Ironically, he later transferred to my high school and was my 12th grade "christian relations" course instructor, where he felt the need to elucidate his and his wife's entire sexual history and reproductive issues in great detail. Way TMI but I did learn an awful lot about natural family planning. And there was the whole STD slideshow in 8th and 10th grades. Now that's fun.
In sum, fourth grade is probably fine. It's best to give kids the facts as early as possible IMO to fight the eternal mistruth and falsehoods of the playground.
I agree with you 100%. Good parents may disagree with each other on this issue, but it's the parent's decision to make, and I want my children to enjoy their childhood innocence.
Btw, this problem is not limited to public or Catholic schools. I've come across it in homeschool groups. The difference is, as a homeschool parent, I have more control over the material to which my children are exposed.
I went to Catholic school way back in the 70's, and I didn't learn about the birds and the bees until I was "almost 12." In fact, that was the name of the book my mother bought for me from The Catholic Shoppe: "Almost Twelve". It only talked about the sperm and the egg and how boys and girls need to respect each other. Immediately, my first question was: "But, Mom, how does the sperm reach the egg?" So, expect that question.
Though we've never discussed "sex", when I was pregnant I explained to my oldest kids (who were only 3 and 5 years old) how a baby develops inside a mother. And their first question at those young ages was: "How does the baby get there?" I gave a vague response and changed the subject. But, the point is, that question will be asked.
My 10yo has heard the terms "sperm" and "egg" just through reading about raising fish, and all of my kids have come across nature shows on TV that show animals mating, but they don't know what the animals are doing, and they haven't made that leap in logic to humans yet. They're too busy thinking about things like baseball and other childhood interests.
This ping list is for the "other" articles of interest to homeschoolers about education and public school. If you want on/off this list, please freepmail me. The main Homeschool Ping List by DaveLoneRanger handles the homeschool-specific articles.
Check out the curriculum. It may be just biology and not too intense. My son learned the same terms in sixth grade science and he didn't ask any questions. (He was 4th grade age). He does Bob Jones HomeSat, which is EXTREMELY conservative.
This year, his science for 7th grade was Life Science. I suspect it would be tame too, but I'm playing it safe (he's fifth grade age now) and switching sciences. So he's doing 8th grade "Space and Earth Science" this year.
"I pay a ton of money to send my child to Catholic school hoping to avoid the problems of government school that forces sex ed on kids at an earlier and earlier age. I'm really upset."
You should consider home education.
Private schools (by and large) operate under the same paradigm that government schools do: the "best" way to educate children is in large groups of same aged children. I simply don't agree with that. It isn't a reflection of the reality the children will encounter outside of school, and by it's nature teaching a large group of children means teaching to an average or common denominator.
If your objective is to impart as much information, morality, and decency to your children as possible in the short time that you'll have them, then the obvious choice in my view is to home educate them. Some jobs are just too important to be left to surrogates.
As for the sex education, I think the parents should be the ones to decide when that should be taught and how. Again, an argument in favor of home education.
I would note, though, that your children are probably already getting something an alternative sex education course from their peers in school. I remember my peers talking about sex at about that age. Complete with lots of very interesting speculation and nontruths. Given the obsession with sex in our culture, I don't see how to shelter children from it completely past the age of 8 or 9 anyway. If your kids can read, they can read the front page of Cosmopolitan magazine while sitting in line to buy groceries.
Eggs and sperm are pretty basic stuff, as long as they keep it simple. Having the local gay and lesbian society in is another story.
Just like God intended it.
Absent information from parents and teachers kids will learn things wrong. '...if my ear was a .... I would ....'.
Like most things the devil is in the details.
Curious, are you talking about Baltimore?
Funny, my children attend public school and there is no sex ed at all until 8th grade. The sex ed program was abstinence based.
That said, one day when my son was 3 years old he was sitting on the floor and acting like he was going to vomit. We knew a woman who was pregnant and he was pretending to give birth. As I would have explained any misconceptions about hearts or stomachs, I felt it was best to explain. I glossed over the hard part and simply said that the daddy gives the sperm to the mommy.
12 hours later, the kid woke me up wanting to know HOW the daddy gave the sperm.
My youngest didn't ask a single question until he was playing Zoo Tycoon one day and wondered why he had more whales. I think he was 6 years old and he was totally grossed out by my explanation.
FWIW, my kids' (Catholic) school has a "Family Life" program, that is totally non-sexual until 6th grade, when the "sperm+egg=baby" formula is first presented.
I myself received the first presentation in the sixth grade as well (public school). As I recall, the girls and boys were separated (as they should be today, too, IMO), and each was shown a cartoon movie entitled "Mr.Sperm and Mrs. Egg Get Married." Mrs. Egg wore a white gown of silk organza and Mr. Sperm looked dapper in morning coat and spats! Then the teachers told both sets of children about menstruation (only a couple of girls even BELIEVED that one -- the ones who'd already gotten their periods; I don't know how the boys reacted). The sex act was not discussed at that time, and by the time it WAS discussed, Mommy and/or Daddy had already had the Little Talk with us. (And I didn't believe THAT one, either!)
So...I think you're right to be a bit concerned. This instruction can wait a year or two. Talk to the principal and attend the Parents' Guild or PTA meeting to speak to other parents about it. What's great about private schools is that things CAN be changed by the parents.
Good luck to you,
Regards,