Posted on 09/11/2006 10:39:33 AM PDT by FreeManDC
Wondering about that muffled howl you’ve been hearing the last couple weeks? It’s the sound and fury of feminists reacting to Michael Noer’s latest exegesis, Don’t Marry a Career Woman.
Noer’s column, which ran at Forbes.com, surveyed marriages in which the wives doggedly pursue a high-powered career, all the while neglecting family and home. The research shows these women are more likely to be unhappy if she earns more than the guy, or if she quits her job and stays home. Either way, she’s going to be a grump.
Her husband is more prone to be discontented if she is the primary breadwinner. The house is going to be dirtier. In the end, she is more apt to cheat on him and the marriage will fall apart. [www.forbes.com/2006/08/23/Marriage-Careers-Divorce_cx_mn_land.html]
Of course, these findings don’t apply to every ambitious woman who has risen to the top of her field – but the connection is true in many cases.
In practically every woman’s magazine, you’ll find advice columns to help the reader find Mr. Right and then entice her football-addled boyfriend to commit for the long-haul.
But when a male columnist dispenses relationship advice for men, that appears to be strictly verboten — at least according to the Shrieking Sisters of Silliness who cut loose on Mr. Noer.
On Good Morning America, one Rutgers U. prof claimed to be absolutely shocked: “I’m surprised that the man thinks it. I’m astonished that he wrote it. And I’m astonished that anyone published it, particularly Forbes.” (No word whether MIT professor Nancy Hopkins swooned at the news.)
Forbes hastily arranged for reporter Elizabeth Corcoran to pen a response sporting the acid title, “Don’t Marry a Lazy Man.” Describing Noer’s factual article as “frightening,” she dispensed this condescending advice about men: “If he can pick up new ideas faster than your puppy, you’ve got a winner.”
Needless to say, Ms. Corcoran’s screed only reinforced the worst stereotypes of the “I-know-what-I-want-and-I-know-how-to-get-it” career woman portrayed in Noer’s column.
Thereupon the readers jumped into the fray, all recounting their grudges about members of the opposite sex. A pretty picture it was not, but the debate is long-overdue: http://forums.forbes.com/forbes/board?board.id=respond_marry_career_woman and http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/1688730/posts .
Part of the ladies’ discomfiture with Mr. Noer’s article springs from the fact that for the last 30 years, discussions about women in the workforce have been guided by the unspoken rule, “Men’s Opinions Don’t Count.”
But then women’s one-sided conversations lapsed into over-wrought declamations about men who didn’t pitch in around the house, forgetting that that men often put in longer hours on the job, commute longer distances, and do physical labor that leaves them exhausted.
Doesn’t mowing the grass, killing creepy-crawlers that traipse through the kitchen, clearing leaves out of the gutter, and coaching Little League count for anything?
And let’s not forget the old axiom that rights and responsibilities go hand-in-hand. If women are demanding more rights, then what additional duties – like compulsory registration for the draft — are they going to shoulder?
Ironically, the same day that Michael Noer published his op-ed, columnist Nancy Levant came out with a fem-ripper called The Cultural Devastation of Women. [www.newswithviews.com/Levant/nancy55.htm]
Levant deplored the fact that thanks to the libbers, American women “now hire maid services, landscapers, pool cleaners, painters, interior decorators. . . .while losing every intuitive aspect of our female natures.” In the process, women “use men like ATMs” and “bankrupt multiple men with mandatory child support payments.”
One can only imagine the hullabaloo if Mrs. Levant had uttered such heresy at Forbes.
So what’s a career woman to do? For a moment, let’s can the feminist ideology and take stock of that rare commodity, common sense.
Have you ever seen a woman (or man, for that matter) exclaim at death’s door, “I only wish that I could have spent more time in the office”? Neither have I.
It’s no secret that the most rewarding parts of a person’s life revolve around relationships with spouses, children, and other family. So why are career women driven to dismember those connections that give the most meaning to their lives?
It’s true that women find satisfaction and fulfillment from paid work. And some have no choice but to get a full-time job.
But the reality is, wives’ happiness is not tied to living out of a suitcase or having an equal paycheck with their husbands. Indeed, the opposite is true. When husbands are the primary wage earners, wives have more freedom to pursue their own interests.
So Mr. Noer, lick off those wounds, straighten up that tie, and sharpen your pencil. Get ready for Round Two.
dang, i forgot there was a PROFESSIONAL on the thread!! ; )
My daughter helped me pick blackberries and make a pie last week, thankyouverymuch.
Nah,
just a sister in mischief ;)
Okay...now that right there? That's funny. =]
I think the real issue is a woman who is career first at the expense of being a woman, a woman in a relationship, and a woman of the family. A that point she is just a female in the same house who is competing agains the man in the house.
I understand your point. WHat I'm referring to is a balance in life with a significant other. Challeneges are fine, but it depends on the intensity and frequency. I don't want to face more challenges at home than I do at work, aside from the life-events we all have to deal with. ANd I think women value confidence in men quite significantly, too. But the problem with challenges is that they can evolve into competitions that evolve into arguements that can evolve into confrontations. Constant challenges means submission on one part or the other. A good relationship, in my opinion, should not be strong in either. I see it as a partnership where the strengths of one compliment the other. And that balance does fall along gender lines and a good marriage takes advantage of it and doesn't deny it. There's enough challeneges in the world without having to have them in a marriage, too.
Well, well said!
I think the same could be said for men also.
Once you get married and then have kids, you have to put your family's needs above your own.
Good point. Rather than compete, co-operate.
I thought that's what moms were for.
No, no, a million times NO!!!!!
It is true that men have an innate drive to support and sacrifice for someone else. That's why men, emotionally, typically have a harder time emerging from a divorce or breakup. It hits them to the core. Women suffer, too, but in different ways and have different coping mechanisms.
Yes, it does make it a bit challenging doesn't it? Although I must say, based on your previous posts, I sense you would not find it impossible to differentiate if you trusted your Godly instincts, which I have gathered are very strong.
Being a women that has once been utterly selfish and extrodinarily ambitious and then being born again to realize that there is a God and I am not it, I even more so agree that a man can not always know which sort of woman he may be dealing with when he gets married. But a tell tale sign based on my personal experience of having both aspects active in my nature is that the woman proves in a variety of ways that she can and will submit to God's authority even against her own selfish desires while one is dating her.
If she can show this humility and Godly commitment through action again and again before dating (of course she may not do this perfectly, but who among us does?) Then I think you can safely assume this submission of ego to God will continue through the struggles of marriage and raising children.
It really all does come down to action. We all have selfish desires. To me it is how we deal with these on a daily basis that shows what sort of people we are.
When I fail utterly at this discipline, my husband continues to be a role model for such humility and sacrifice. This reminds me and reinspires me to try again. I think it works both ways for both men and women.
God will put the right woman in your life to marry when it is time. In fact, he already knows exactly who and where she is and anticipates this time when you two come together. It will be a perfect fit, because God has choosen it. This is what happened to me and my husband.
By the way, we (my husband and I) have to continue to make sure to stay close to church, the bible, prayer, meditation and Godly resources. It is more important that a husband lead the family to these sources rather then the work source first. The husband has the great weight of being the role model, even when the family fails and when the husband fails the wife needs to be the role model of God. They renew one another continually.
Forgive my crazy long posts. I am passionate on this issue I guess. I appreciate everyone's posts today on this. I think it is a vital discussion for our day and age. Critical in fact.
It should NOT be a burden for a woman to stay home and take care of her family.
I think it is tragic that the majority of our children get housed in day care like cattle, just because their mother's aren't "fulfilled" by taking care of them.
And I think that most of the decline in our country when it comes to ethics, morals and responsibility is a direct result of women leaving the home, and allowing the family to come second to their career.
Personally, and flame away, I think that any woman who chooses a job over her children should be ashamed.
I agree with you, JamesP81. A relationship is not about challenging each other. It's about facing common challenges together. And by being together, the couple is greater than each person separately. I would never want to be in a relationship centered around competing with my spouse. If you want challenges with your partner, eventually one or the other will get sick of it and walk.
She would have to be willing to be honest with herself first...and while she's rattling on about strong, intelligent, talented, etc...why am I thinking "Bitchy?"
Works for everyone, doesn't it?
Absolutely!!
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