Posted on 09/11/2006 10:39:33 AM PDT by FreeManDC
Wondering about that muffled howl you’ve been hearing the last couple weeks? It’s the sound and fury of feminists reacting to Michael Noer’s latest exegesis, Don’t Marry a Career Woman.
Noer’s column, which ran at Forbes.com, surveyed marriages in which the wives doggedly pursue a high-powered career, all the while neglecting family and home. The research shows these women are more likely to be unhappy if she earns more than the guy, or if she quits her job and stays home. Either way, she’s going to be a grump.
Her husband is more prone to be discontented if she is the primary breadwinner. The house is going to be dirtier. In the end, she is more apt to cheat on him and the marriage will fall apart. [www.forbes.com/2006/08/23/Marriage-Careers-Divorce_cx_mn_land.html]
Of course, these findings don’t apply to every ambitious woman who has risen to the top of her field – but the connection is true in many cases.
In practically every woman’s magazine, you’ll find advice columns to help the reader find Mr. Right and then entice her football-addled boyfriend to commit for the long-haul.
But when a male columnist dispenses relationship advice for men, that appears to be strictly verboten — at least according to the Shrieking Sisters of Silliness who cut loose on Mr. Noer.
On Good Morning America, one Rutgers U. prof claimed to be absolutely shocked: “I’m surprised that the man thinks it. I’m astonished that he wrote it. And I’m astonished that anyone published it, particularly Forbes.” (No word whether MIT professor Nancy Hopkins swooned at the news.)
Forbes hastily arranged for reporter Elizabeth Corcoran to pen a response sporting the acid title, “Don’t Marry a Lazy Man.” Describing Noer’s factual article as “frightening,” she dispensed this condescending advice about men: “If he can pick up new ideas faster than your puppy, you’ve got a winner.”
Needless to say, Ms. Corcoran’s screed only reinforced the worst stereotypes of the “I-know-what-I-want-and-I-know-how-to-get-it” career woman portrayed in Noer’s column.
Thereupon the readers jumped into the fray, all recounting their grudges about members of the opposite sex. A pretty picture it was not, but the debate is long-overdue: http://forums.forbes.com/forbes/board?board.id=respond_marry_career_woman and http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/1688730/posts .
Part of the ladies’ discomfiture with Mr. Noer’s article springs from the fact that for the last 30 years, discussions about women in the workforce have been guided by the unspoken rule, “Men’s Opinions Don’t Count.”
But then women’s one-sided conversations lapsed into over-wrought declamations about men who didn’t pitch in around the house, forgetting that that men often put in longer hours on the job, commute longer distances, and do physical labor that leaves them exhausted.
Doesn’t mowing the grass, killing creepy-crawlers that traipse through the kitchen, clearing leaves out of the gutter, and coaching Little League count for anything?
And let’s not forget the old axiom that rights and responsibilities go hand-in-hand. If women are demanding more rights, then what additional duties – like compulsory registration for the draft — are they going to shoulder?
Ironically, the same day that Michael Noer published his op-ed, columnist Nancy Levant came out with a fem-ripper called The Cultural Devastation of Women. [www.newswithviews.com/Levant/nancy55.htm]
Levant deplored the fact that thanks to the libbers, American women “now hire maid services, landscapers, pool cleaners, painters, interior decorators. . . .while losing every intuitive aspect of our female natures.” In the process, women “use men like ATMs” and “bankrupt multiple men with mandatory child support payments.”
One can only imagine the hullabaloo if Mrs. Levant had uttered such heresy at Forbes.
So what’s a career woman to do? For a moment, let’s can the feminist ideology and take stock of that rare commodity, common sense.
Have you ever seen a woman (or man, for that matter) exclaim at death’s door, “I only wish that I could have spent more time in the office”? Neither have I.
It’s no secret that the most rewarding parts of a person’s life revolve around relationships with spouses, children, and other family. So why are career women driven to dismember those connections that give the most meaning to their lives?
It’s true that women find satisfaction and fulfillment from paid work. And some have no choice but to get a full-time job.
But the reality is, wives’ happiness is not tied to living out of a suitcase or having an equal paycheck with their husbands. Indeed, the opposite is true. When husbands are the primary wage earners, wives have more freedom to pursue their own interests.
So Mr. Noer, lick off those wounds, straighten up that tie, and sharpen your pencil. Get ready for Round Two.
We all had jobs in the sixites and seventies, even as kids--paper routes, service industry, camp counselors, swim teachers. This was all long before we graduated from high school.
If a child wanted something above just the normal food, drink, basic clothing, back then they too had to work for it. Everyone in my family is a great success because we were raised to work hard if we wanted something and to expect no hand outs.
Kept us out of trouble (well all except me, who was the baby and very spoiled and as mentioned in an earlier post shuttled anywhere to be kept out of my Mother's hair). Boy did they end up paying for that neglect and spoiling (as did I) in the end. They usually do. God does have a sense of humor.
ANNE BANCROFT'D!
LOL!
Smooch.......
I'm a guy in his late 50's who's been the sole breadwinner for his entire adult life. Now widowed and looking.
Does that work for you?
I reread your post and realized what you were responding to.
That said, I could not disagree with you more. And your caricature of women who do not work outside the home is insulting to them.
My wife in particular is the most intelligent woman I know but she does not waste it on a pointless career/job. She uses it there, but only inasmuch as you use your feet and legs to walk. She sees it only as a (part time) source of income. And the perks we both enjoy because of where she works are worth more than the money she makes - without actually divulging the industry.
Wife, three kids,dog,log cabin in country, 40acre duck club,40 acres of timber for deer hunting,
2 trucks and a mini can for the little lady all on less than 60,000 a year. Happy household after 20 yrs of marriage.
Get back in that kitchen and rattle those pots and pans....
LOL..That will do it...Like another poster said we live for the most part so addicted to consumer products we have to be a 2 income family.
I came from a family of 6, 4 kids Mom and dad, we had 1 Phone!! Yikes.
And thier was no Call Waiting! none of my friends were able to reach me most of the time, I asked my mom for Christmas if I could have a phone? she said when you get a job to pay the monthly fees I will buy you the phone!
So at 16 I had a phone...Now a family of 6 everyone has a phone of thier own.
No objection to that ... I just object to the notion that a "career woman" cannot have these qualities.
Good for you!
Maybe the key is *Country Mountain Living*!
I could make exactly the same statement about my wife.
After my oldest was born in 1987, my wife decided to stay home and raise our children. Now my oldest son is a freshman at Notre Dame, and he and his brother are among the most intelligent, kind, and decent young men you will ever meet. And that's no accident - they were taught well by a loving, at home, mother.
Exactly...But how mnay kids do you see mowing the lawns? everyone has a gardener or a riding lawnmower.
I don't think kids have chores anymore...
My mother's friend has all 3 of her sons living with her ages 32, 36 and 38 none are married 2 have a good job and just recently my mother said when are you going to start charging them rent for crying out loud!
Not really its just seperating the wants from the needs. My kids get everthing they need and only some of what they want. Same for my wife and same for me----well unless I need a new shotgun or something lol.
>>And that's no accident - they were taught well by a loving, at home, mother.<<
Precicely!
You bring up a good point of discussion. I personally don't know all the specifics of her situation, but I can say that she does fight for Godly values with her time, in addition to being a wife and raising a family. I think there is a big difference between self seeking wives and mothers and ones who work to do God's will. As serving God should be the highest priority in any Godly relationship.
Husband and wife submit together to God's will, not the worldly husband's will, but the husband's will as it is led by God. This is the Godly husband a wife submits to. Thus women choose very carefully. Look for a Godly man. (This in my opinion is why it is an especially heavy role to be a true Godly husband and many men are rightly a bit nervous about carrying out this role rightly. Mistakes can and will be made at times and wives need to be forgiving as well.)
If God gave Michelle a fighting spirit and the great ability to articulate herself to a larger audience then just her family and she submits and asks daily for God's leading, while fulfilling her wifely and motherly duty, she has set a great example for her children and is circling the wagons around God and his values, rather then, shattering His will and vision.
But this is between her husband, herself and God. God didn't make us to be cookie cutter dolls. Not husbands, not wives. He brought them together to do His will. This is the crux of marriage and the piece that most everyone in this day and age misses. JMO. Other thoughts?
I would not condone a course of action that would lead to Michelle Malking not blogging, anyway.
I did ... no regrets here.
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