Posted on 09/11/2006 10:39:33 AM PDT by FreeManDC
Wondering about that muffled howl you’ve been hearing the last couple weeks? It’s the sound and fury of feminists reacting to Michael Noer’s latest exegesis, Don’t Marry a Career Woman.
Noer’s column, which ran at Forbes.com, surveyed marriages in which the wives doggedly pursue a high-powered career, all the while neglecting family and home. The research shows these women are more likely to be unhappy if she earns more than the guy, or if she quits her job and stays home. Either way, she’s going to be a grump.
Her husband is more prone to be discontented if she is the primary breadwinner. The house is going to be dirtier. In the end, she is more apt to cheat on him and the marriage will fall apart. [www.forbes.com/2006/08/23/Marriage-Careers-Divorce_cx_mn_land.html]
Of course, these findings don’t apply to every ambitious woman who has risen to the top of her field – but the connection is true in many cases.
In practically every woman’s magazine, you’ll find advice columns to help the reader find Mr. Right and then entice her football-addled boyfriend to commit for the long-haul.
But when a male columnist dispenses relationship advice for men, that appears to be strictly verboten — at least according to the Shrieking Sisters of Silliness who cut loose on Mr. Noer.
On Good Morning America, one Rutgers U. prof claimed to be absolutely shocked: “I’m surprised that the man thinks it. I’m astonished that he wrote it. And I’m astonished that anyone published it, particularly Forbes.” (No word whether MIT professor Nancy Hopkins swooned at the news.)
Forbes hastily arranged for reporter Elizabeth Corcoran to pen a response sporting the acid title, “Don’t Marry a Lazy Man.” Describing Noer’s factual article as “frightening,” she dispensed this condescending advice about men: “If he can pick up new ideas faster than your puppy, you’ve got a winner.”
Needless to say, Ms. Corcoran’s screed only reinforced the worst stereotypes of the “I-know-what-I-want-and-I-know-how-to-get-it” career woman portrayed in Noer’s column.
Thereupon the readers jumped into the fray, all recounting their grudges about members of the opposite sex. A pretty picture it was not, but the debate is long-overdue: http://forums.forbes.com/forbes/board?board.id=respond_marry_career_woman and http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/1688730/posts .
Part of the ladies’ discomfiture with Mr. Noer’s article springs from the fact that for the last 30 years, discussions about women in the workforce have been guided by the unspoken rule, “Men’s Opinions Don’t Count.”
But then women’s one-sided conversations lapsed into over-wrought declamations about men who didn’t pitch in around the house, forgetting that that men often put in longer hours on the job, commute longer distances, and do physical labor that leaves them exhausted.
Doesn’t mowing the grass, killing creepy-crawlers that traipse through the kitchen, clearing leaves out of the gutter, and coaching Little League count for anything?
And let’s not forget the old axiom that rights and responsibilities go hand-in-hand. If women are demanding more rights, then what additional duties – like compulsory registration for the draft — are they going to shoulder?
Ironically, the same day that Michael Noer published his op-ed, columnist Nancy Levant came out with a fem-ripper called The Cultural Devastation of Women. [www.newswithviews.com/Levant/nancy55.htm]
Levant deplored the fact that thanks to the libbers, American women “now hire maid services, landscapers, pool cleaners, painters, interior decorators. . . .while losing every intuitive aspect of our female natures.” In the process, women “use men like ATMs” and “bankrupt multiple men with mandatory child support payments.”
One can only imagine the hullabaloo if Mrs. Levant had uttered such heresy at Forbes.
So what’s a career woman to do? For a moment, let’s can the feminist ideology and take stock of that rare commodity, common sense.
Have you ever seen a woman (or man, for that matter) exclaim at death’s door, “I only wish that I could have spent more time in the office”? Neither have I.
It’s no secret that the most rewarding parts of a person’s life revolve around relationships with spouses, children, and other family. So why are career women driven to dismember those connections that give the most meaning to their lives?
It’s true that women find satisfaction and fulfillment from paid work. And some have no choice but to get a full-time job.
But the reality is, wives’ happiness is not tied to living out of a suitcase or having an equal paycheck with their husbands. Indeed, the opposite is true. When husbands are the primary wage earners, wives have more freedom to pursue their own interests.
So Mr. Noer, lick off those wounds, straighten up that tie, and sharpen your pencil. Get ready for Round Two.
Actually, I think I'm going to end up married sooner or later. I mean, of course I'm on a single kick now; I'm 24 and hawt. Granted, the guys in my family have a tendency to age well (I've had at least half a dozen female friends of mine - none that I've dated, of course - confess to me that they had crushes on my dad and uncles), but I'm not sure I'm willing to roll the dice on that one.
It's called "a metaphor." And denying your own nature will inevitably lead to unhappiness.
No offense meant, but that's not your place to say. You'll see how they turn out in the end.
Absolutely not. I'm sorry if you picked that up from what I said.
Many career women still wish to be supported financially by their spouses while they also pursue their careers. Remember the Joe Bachaelor show? The first girl cut had her MD, but didn't want to work. The really want "IT ALL".
Exactly..I really use to think when watching the Brady Bunch that here's a man who is an Architect supporting a family of 7 wife and 6 kids plus a maid! they live in a very nice house and everyone seems to live pretty much a middle class lifestyle, this is not possible in 2006.
Mrs Brady would be working full-time thier would be no maid and the kids would have to get a part-time job if they wanted all the latest toys in technology. (Computers, Cell phones, Blackberry's, plus cable TV, videos etc..)
Housework? Sweep, dust, mop, laundry, dishes....
And you have to do it all over again every six months! What a bore....
I was born without a dirt gene, my dust bunnies run in herds and I've heard rumor that that iron thingie that I use as a doorstop can actually be used to take wrinkles out of things! Wow!
I'd rather dance, try new recipes, weed my garden, play with the critters and hang out with my friends.
I'm single due to erm,
ah....death and choice. I work because I'm happy and I love what I do!
And I tend to stay that way too (single...not dead).
OK, I will say that being a kept woman isn't 100% out of the picture....if the right studmuffin comes along.
There's a word for men like you: e-l-i-g-i-b-l-e! ;o)
Marriage requires self sacrifice. A spouse will not respond, however, if they are selfish. Hence Christ's statement in Matt. 19.
And they have medieval siege weapons.
Fast forward to 2006 could most men afford to take care of a family like the ones of old? I would say proably Not...
most couples with only a dog in the family can today.
We're retired but both worked, both contributed to retirement, both equal regardless of whose paycheck was larger. Our only luxury was a part time housekeeper who also helped with the kids when younger. We made it with one car, a small house and kids who participated in the overall family effort.
Note to Forbes - is it ever smart to upset a portion of your customers?
LOL - yes I know it's a metaphor. I used it as well. What I meant, is, I don't *require* encouragement from my wife to go out there and proverbially 'club' something and drag it back to our (bat)cave. I've got plenty of my own drive. Nor do I derive happyness from approval of others, including my wife. I feel honored when commended - but lack thereof will absolutely not lead to my unhappyness.
I understand my own nature well. While I appreciate having company during the ride, I only require exciting goals to achieve, and that's enough.
I hope your good in bed. That's the only way you will hold this woman's attention.
If I ever get married again (at this time even date again) I will take the parents in consideration thoroughly.
Take at least a long weekend trip with the parents. Take the parents on a date. It'll be worth it in the long run.
Still works.
It is. I grew up in the best kind of day care--lovely, kind, family friend a block from our home. Yet, the damage ensued--loneliness, being shuttled, forgotten, scared, living in a fantasy world of what I wanted from my Mother, but never got. This was before she decided she wanted to move out for awhile to get her Master's degree in another city, when I was the critical age of blossoming at 12-14.
There was also the constant communication in both thought and action that children take from a woman's life--needless to say I wasn't all too anxious to have a child after that, who wants to feel they are giving up their life, their joy? But this is the lie that is communicated to the child, male and female alike.
I think this is also communicated by the MSM and has been for decades and part of the reason we don't see many children from Gen X downward having children (in addition to the mass of abortions that were easily available and huge amount of birth control options).
In the bible it states to go forth and bear fruit, not go forth and buy handbags, shoes and get a promotion. JMO
I'm nearly positive of that.
A perfect example is today. I'm here taking care of a sick kid, and my one-man shop is backed up with work not getting done. This evening, the odds are pretty good that I'll get some sort of backhanded crack about me not making any money.
I'm no slacker either. I have a patent or two and an Engineering degree, so I'm not in as bad of a shape as some men are in similar situations.
Speaking of Celts, I like your screen name!
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