Don't Marry a Career Woman: The Debate Heats Up

Men's News Daily ^ | September 11, 2006 | Carey Roberts

[FreeManDC]

Wondering about that muffled howl you’ve been hearing the last couple weeks? It’s the sound and fury of feminists reacting to Michael Noer’s latest exegesis, Don’t Marry a Career Woman.

Noer’s column, which ran at Forbes.com, surveyed marriages in which the wives doggedly pursue a high-powered career, all the while neglecting family and home. The research shows these women are more likely to be unhappy if she earns more than the guy, or if she quits her job and stays home. Either way, she’s going to be a grump.

Her husband is more prone to be discontented if she is the primary breadwinner. The house is going to be dirtier. In the end, she is more apt to cheat on him and the marriage will fall apart. [www.forbes.com/2006/08/23/Marriage-Careers-Divorce_cx_mn_land.html]

Of course, these findings don’t apply to every ambitious woman who has risen to the top of her field – but the connection is true in many cases.

In practically every woman’s magazine, you’ll find advice columns to help the reader find Mr. Right and then entice her football-addled boyfriend to commit for the long-haul.

But when a male columnist dispenses relationship advice for men, that appears to be strictly verboten — at least according to the Shrieking Sisters of Silliness who cut loose on Mr. Noer.

On Good Morning America, one Rutgers U. prof claimed to be absolutely shocked: “I’m surprised that the man thinks it. I’m astonished that he wrote it. And I’m astonished that anyone published it, particularly Forbes.” (No word whether MIT professor Nancy Hopkins swooned at the news.)

Forbes hastily arranged for reporter Elizabeth Corcoran to pen a response sporting the acid title, “Don’t Marry a Lazy Man.” Describing Noer’s factual article as “frightening,” she dispensed this condescending advice about men: “If he can pick up new ideas faster than your puppy, you’ve got a winner.”

Needless to say, Ms. Corcoran’s screed only reinforced the worst stereotypes of the “I-know-what-I-want-and-I-know-how-to-get-it” career woman portrayed in Noer’s column.

Thereupon the readers jumped into the fray, all recounting their grudges about members of the opposite sex. A pretty picture it was not, but the debate is long-overdue: http://forums.forbes.com/forbes/board?board.id=respond_marry_career_woman and http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/1688730/posts .

Part of the ladies’ discomfiture with Mr. Noer’s article springs from the fact that for the last 30 years, discussions about women in the workforce have been guided by the unspoken rule, “Men’s Opinions Don’t Count.”

But then women’s one-sided conversations lapsed into over-wrought declamations about men who didn’t pitch in around the house, forgetting that that men often put in longer hours on the job, commute longer distances, and do physical labor that leaves them exhausted.

Doesn’t mowing the grass, killing creepy-crawlers that traipse through the kitchen, clearing leaves out of the gutter, and coaching Little League count for anything?

And let’s not forget the old axiom that rights and responsibilities go hand-in-hand. If women are demanding more rights, then what additional duties – like compulsory registration for the draft — are they going to shoulder?

Ironically, the same day that Michael Noer published his op-ed, columnist Nancy Levant came out with a fem-ripper called The Cultural Devastation of Women. [www.newswithviews.com/Levant/nancy55.htm]

Levant deplored the fact that thanks to the libbers, American women “now hire maid services, landscapers, pool cleaners, painters, interior decorators. . . .while losing every intuitive aspect of our female natures.” In the process, women “use men like ATMs” and “bankrupt multiple men with mandatory child support payments.”

One can only imagine the hullabaloo if Mrs. Levant had uttered such heresy at Forbes.

So what’s a career woman to do? For a moment, let’s can the feminist ideology and take stock of that rare commodity, common sense.

Have you ever seen a woman (or man, for that matter) exclaim at death’s door, “I only wish that I could have spent more time in the office”? Neither have I.

It’s no secret that the most rewarding parts of a person’s life revolve around relationships with spouses, children, and other family. So why are career women driven to dismember those connections that give the most meaning to their lives?

It’s true that women find satisfaction and fulfillment from paid work. And some have no choice but to get a full-time job.

But the reality is, wives’ happiness is not tied to living out of a suitcase or having an equal paycheck with their husbands. Indeed, the opposite is true. When husbands are the primary wage earners, wives have more freedom to pursue their own interests.

So Mr. Noer, lick off those wounds, straighten up that tie, and sharpen your pencil. Get ready for Round Two.

[ShandaLear]

Maybe it's the men who have the problem.

[Judy Jetsun]

Definetly Bipolar is inherited so is schizoprenia, when you marry you should always know who your future in-laws are and the health of the family especially mental.

I had a friend who suffered from Bipolar disease she became a shopaholic and ended up in 250K in debt.

[martin_fierro]

Bring those Seven Veils of yours and you got a deal.

[riverdawg]

"... by the time I'm forty and rich, there will still be plenty of divorcees and manipulative twentysomethings .."

In my twenty years of mid-life bachelorhood (between 1982 and 2002), I found the divorcees much less desirable, overall, than the single career women. And the twenty-somethings were definitely manipulative, but I was a willing participant!

However, if the "rich" part of "forty and rich" doesn't work out, you may be SOL!

[mikeus_maximus]

I hear ya. I don't know the reason for your first marriage ending, and I take a very close view of Matthew 19. But I will say this-- psychologists have "discovered" that the #1 need for women in a marriage is love. For men, it's respect. We're hard wired for that way.

We marry someone we hope will appreciate and encourage us on the daily hunt. Women who are sefish or fail to understand that maculine need-- and in our culuture most women do fail in that-- cannot hope to have a sound marriage with any man.

[Atlas Sneezed]

My first wife's mother was selfish, self centered and unfaithful. My first wife was the same. My second wife was kind, helpful, respectful and loving. Her mother was nuts.

---

My first wife's mother was a saint. I am pleased to report that my first wife is my former wife.

My second wife's mother is an evil nutcase. I am pleased to report that my second wife remains my wife.

'Nuff said.

[tioga]

-she must be too busy cooking to answer. Yep, that's it.

[TXBubba]

Those that are man enough to take on a woman with smarts, wit, and spirit will win out.

So, women who don't have a career are dumb, boring and lack spirit. Interesting.

[Graybeard58]

I didn't post the story! As for keeping a clean house, I don't

My oops on posting to you and in addition I lied about that part about keeping a clean house, it's passable but I'm not a nut about it.

[Gordongekko909]

If my brain were a hard drive...

[CDHart]

I think you're right. Everything I hear when co-workers talk about their husbands is how silly they are, or the dumb stuff they do. It's almost like one tries to top the other with the stories. But I learned from Randy Carlson that just plain old respect will go a long way with a man. And talking about him behind his back, like he's a fool, should be a "no-no."

Carolyn

[farlander]

That's absolutely right. My wife's got a PhD and manages a R&D site for a sizeable corp. It's great to hear about the latest biotech stuff coming out of there. And the commiseration is absolutely great!

[Gordongekko909]

zomg DANCE OF SEDUCTION'D!!!!11!!!1one!1!!1

[Joan Kerrey]

In truth, she'll have two spouses--you, and her job. maybe more than two,

[Tennessee_Bob]

Dang - I just turned 43, and I do it all. Then again, I am a single dad with sole-custody, so I have no choice.

[Gordongekko909]

What's the difference between a "distinguished older gentleman" and a "dirty old man?"

A net worth of about two million dollars.

[Judy Jetsun]

Women have to work because for the most part we live in a society that is based upon our *wants* the best house the best car the best toys etc...

Mortgages Insurance Health, Car, food, vacations etc is more than most men can make to support a medium to large family.

Sure many professions as a Physician, Lawyer, Successful business owner might be able to support a family on his income but a man making 100K would not be able to support a wife and 3 kids unless they live very simply which many people are un-willing to do now a days.

[farlander]

Well I for one don't require encouragement for my daily hunt. And one *earns* and commands respect by their actions.

[staytrue]

Doesn’t mowing the grass, killing creepy-crawlers that traipse through the kitchen, clearing leaves out of the gutter, and coaching Little League count for anything?

This is what we have illegal aliens for. And yes, the hispanics can play baseball.

[Shimmer128]

On the other hand, my mom is not a nice person. She's so bad, she's damaged us (sibs) in different ways. I've spent years in introspective thought and prayer, determined to be a different person then who she is. ugh. Yet i love her, in many ways. She's my mom, but she's so hurtful and such a liar.
I have to stay away from her.
So there are exceptions, and I'm one of them. Just be careful and get to know the person. (and watch who her formative influences were)