Posted on 08/28/2006 4:09:24 AM PDT by RobFromGa
A person who is able to overcome drinking, and face their problems sober, in my mind, is a true real life hero. Heros may make several attempts during a rescue and they may fail but the sheer act of trying is what sets them above those who stand back and watch.
It occured to me that there are likely to be FReepers in your friend's town or city. If we knew where that was a concerned addict/friend/FReeper could anonymously invite him to a meeting.
There really is no better way for him to understand that he is not alone and millions are suffering and recovering just like him.
To Rob's FRiend,
I haven't walked in your shoes, but I will send a prayer for you. Sounds like, by asking for help you are taking steps in the right direction. You'll get good advice here, of that I am sure, and folks who will help you turn things around. Take care, we need all the FReepers we've got!
Absolutetly true. Sometimes the "better-then-worse" part has to happen several times. The key is to not give up and don't be so hard on one's self.
Thanks, you get the message I was trying to convey - Congratulations on your own recovery and trying to help others....
I give my time and skills when people are in need, but I get so much more back in return knowing it made a difference.
Different things work for people, but volunteering in whatever interests him is one goal he should have for the long term - it will be a positive influence in his life.
great post!
I can tell you what worked for me. After many, many times of being forced into AA due to numerous DUI's (I was once mentioned in the newspaper as being among those with the greatest number of DUI arrests in Ohio.), I thought I was a failure because it just "wouldn't take." Then I experienced my last drunk. It was a hot, summer day where I had bicycled one more time into the country to get drunk. Needless to say, the State had my driver's license again. How I tried to have the alcohol work its miracle of happiness once again. It didn't. No matter how much I tried there was just an empty nothingness with no sense of intoxication at all.
I went back to my parent's house where I was forced to live - a forty year old man reduced to living with his parents - and cried out to The Almighty to help me. I knew I couldn't do it alone. I continued with my Court-mandated AA meetings and didn't drink each day, but still didn't believe I could ever "get it."
After nine months of simply existing without alcohol and drugs, a miracle happened. I allowed myself to believe that if AA could help those I saw around me, it just might help me too. That was the first part. The second part of the miracle was the realization that I had to purposely put myself through pain.
All my life I had used alcohol and drugs to escape pain: social isolation, depression and failure. I ran from the the emotional reality and tried so very hard to bury what was in my heart and mind. Then I finally decided I HAD to face the emotional pain of working the 12 Steps. I had to purposely choose the pain of reality and honest self-appraisal to get better. But wonderful and supportive people kept telling me that I would get better.
It CAN work for you and by WILLINGLY facing your pains you can emerge into a new world which holds out hope. Best of luck FRiend.
And to recognize that dealing with this issue head-on, and fixing yourself, is Job #1 for a period of time.
When the flight attendant tells us to" place the mask over our own mouth before helping our children put on their masks" they are giving good advice to all of us in life.
To Rob's FRiend
I'd suggest ditching the anti-depressants as well. I think you are better off addicted to alcohol than those little monsters. I'm not saying 'everyone ditch your meds', but that crap gets prescribed way too often. Doctors get kickbacks for prescribing that stuff, so they have incentive to subscribe it.
You go into the Dr and say 'I drink too much. I have quit and now I'm depressed'. Doc will sign you up for some program and prescribe a pill or 3 and get a kickback for the program and the pills. Meanwhile, his drugs are going to affect your perception of reality, alter your moods in an unnatural way, and get you addicted to the pills instead of the booze.
Get involved in something that makes you feel good about yourself. That can be anything from volunteer work to getting a hobby you enjoy (other than drinking).
It's difficult to just give up one aspect of your life without replacing it with something else. Change your daily routine. Maybe start by going for a walk or a bike ride (getting the blood flowing with exercise can give you a new attitude) or go fishing if it's convenient. Little first steps like that will also give you some time to think about other things you may want to look into.
A pet can be a mood lifter, going to the shelter and adopting a cat or dog might also give you a positive feeling about doing something good, and be a constant reminder that you made a difference in the life of that animal.
Don't look at a couple of drinks you had one night out of the week as a sign of your weakness or that you failed until you are convinced it is something that you must give up completely. I'm not a professional and am not speaking from experience, I'm just speaking from common sense.
I think also one thing that rings a bell between you and a friend of mine who has an alcohol abuse problem is their perception that others like the 'drunken clown' you and don't like the 'sober you'. That is not the opinion our friends have of him, and I suspect it is a similar circumstance with you.
My friends and I are concerned about our friend, and we enjoy his company sober or not. He is at his worst when he drinks too much and doesn't know or remember what he does. When he is in NEED of getting drunk and unable to do anything else unless alcohol is involved it also is a concern. It becomes his main focus, and he cannot enjoy himself until objective drunk is met. That is what we do not like, the need for alcohol. The person is well liked and enjoyable. The need for alcohol in the person is not.
I don't know how long you've been struggling with alcohol, but I struggled for a few years before I realized the Lord was telling me to stop...just stop. I remember having a lot of prayer support at the time. This is my prayer for you, FRiend:
Heavenly Father, I lift this person up to you now - I don't know their name, but You know them, and you know their heart. Please remove all desire for alcohol from them, make them not crave it, and crave only Your Living Water instead. Father, please draw him/her to Your embrace. I pray that he/she would remember that You our Redeemer and Forgiver, and all that guilt, shame, and everything else can be left at the foot of Your Cross. I pray these things in Jesus' Holy Name.
You will continue to be in my prayers. Remember to lean on Him, He is your Rock right now. And He knows you're afraid to reach out to Him, but He's there to listen and comfort you when you're ready.
When I was going through a difficult time, I felt like He left me behind - I stopped praying and reading the Bible. But, looking back, I was the one who left Him, and when I started reading His Word again, and praying, all these things - guilt, shame, self-pity - that I was holding onto I was able to submit to His Will. And I will say He has healed me. There is hope, no matter how hopeless you may feel right now.
Again, you'll be in my prayers.
Rachel
Your friend is already in a position many addicts/alcoholics would envy--he is employed. So, so many abusers have absolutely nothing. No job. No friends. No home, and no prospects. Plus he has already taken the first step before losing everything. He's reaching out. Praying for him now.
This can be a real double-edged sword though. We all have to eventually reach a point where we view the totality of our lives as being absolutely hopeless before we can truly begin to recover (and I might add that for a lot of us that time came some years AFTER we had our last drink).
Good point, I took up sailing about four months into recovery. And then last year I got scuba certified. I had never done either of these things before in my life.
Last year, i did seven dives with sharks off Tahiti and Bora Bora. And this winter I'll have my sailing license to be able to rent sailboats for live-on family vacations in the Caribbean.
Because the one aspect I most remember of the first months of sobriety is that there are many hours in a day to be filled when you remove the drinking time , and the hang-over time. I mean A LOT of time.
There's a lot of great aadvice here (Freudian slip?!) and I don't know if my view can help, but here goes ...
Some people are born with a propensity to be depressed, or alcoholic, or contrarily, born with a naturally sunny disposition, I think. In my family, my Dad and his Dad, and one of my brothers- were all alcoholics. My Mom, 3 of my brothers, and I were not alcoholics. For my part, I was clinically depressed for many, many decades, but just thought I must be terrifically "aware" of the "real" world, but others were not (I'm embarassed, even now, to admit that particular bit of stupidity!); and my Mom couldn't understand why I was so "dark"- because she was so "sunny". After I was aided by a medical professional to chase around various ant-depressants, to find one that worked well, I found one that has made all the difference in my life, both emotionally and therefore, otherwise. And alcohol, of course, is a natural depressant, which your friend probably already knows would be not a good thing to combine with any anti-depressant, because one fights the other and the danger of seizure. And I would add to the advice on Vit C, etc, that excercise helps (endorphins multiply, oxygen increased to the brain, and helps to focus on the outer world, not to mention gives you something to do other than drink).
Anyway, my point is that I suspect people's emotional proclivities are driven by their own internal structure- their neuron pathways, their "re-uptake inhibitors", their brain structure, the chemical make-up of various organic structures in their bodies.
So, rather than focus on how crappy the world looks when temporarily sober, maybe it helps to realize one's view is heavily influenced by one's particular body chemistry, and that, just as alcohol temporarily "treats" the problem, somewhat, although in very debilitating ways, so can other, more healthy treatments (Vit C, perhaps an anti-depressant, exercise, etc, etc), may help one's body to adjust one's mind to see a better vision of Life.
Tweak that chem.
He knows everything you have done, even more than you do.
Handle it.
Get over the (false) pride, and don't cut yourself off from the one who can do something for you, who will never have somewhere else to be, or something so pressing you will have to wait.
Me and Jesus, mostly Jesus, 17 years sober.
Life isn't perfect, but then my idea of 'perfect' might not be His plan.
I sure do better in His hands than when I was holding the reins, so let go and let God show you the way.
It is easier if you get your head around one thing. You don't drink. Look at it that way.
As for the mess in your life, yep. It took a while to get it that way, it'll take a while to straighten it out--one step at a time, one problem at a time, one day at a time, life gets better. Don't overwhelm yourself with the big picture, do what you can, about what you can, when you can--and do not obscess about the rest.
God never gives you a problem without the means to solve it. Sometimes you can just get up and 'do something' and fix it. Other times, it does not work that way, so be patient. Let your actions speak to the world and save your words for meetings.
Remembering you in prayer,
Smokin' Joe
You are a true friend to your buddy in need. Maybe no one will ever understand his pain and suffering, but a true-blue buddy will try anything to help out. Thanks for trying.
The first step is to acknowledge that you have a problem with alcohol, and that you want to do something about it.
Only when that step is reached, can you really work on solving the problem. And you are right, there is something very good about working to correct a problem, rather than to let it destroy you slowly.
I see real problems out there and people overcoming and trying to survive against incredible odds.
When you volunteer your time to help others you appreciate what you have and you find you don't have time for the pity party....and the rewards are knowing you make a difference.
It's a simple message, you just didn't get it.
I should've also added that besides volunteering if he's being depressed/blaming the news for his slip ups then --
Turn off the tv
...........and go do something positive !
~~~~
I don't volunteer? How on earth would you have any idea what I do or don't do?
I did get it: I just think your capacity for compassion could use an adjustment.
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.
God help me to live one day at a time, and enjoy each moment as it comes, to accept hardship as the pathway to peace, and to take this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it.
God assure me that you will make all things right, according to your will, that I will be content in this life, and supremely happy with You in the next.
-adapted from Reinhold Niebuhr
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