Recovering Freeper in Need

Freepmail | August 28, 2006 | unknown

[RobFromGa]

Dear Rob,

"Cheated" twice with a couple beers a couple times over the last couple days, though, nominally, it'll be three weeks "clean" on Tuesday. This adds to guilt, but is the only way I can get myself relaxed enough to keep from bawling out of extremely-uncool and undeserved self-pity.

I'm under great medical observation, and a crapload of antidepressants [x,y, and z].

Tell me, Rob, what it is I'm recovering "from" and why, since this world is such a [messed up] place? When I was a drunk, sure, I'd be moody in the mornings, productive at work (and I NEVER drank during the day), and everyone's friend once I got home. Now it's just constant depression and having to face a [messed] up world (with way too many liberals in it .

I'm a very proud, spiritual Christian, but I'm even too ashamed to pray, at least at length, since both He and I know that I am the problem.

The real abstraction here is if this horrid beautiful watery place is better with or without my presence. That last sentence isn't a "cry for help - please hug me I'm hurting, Oprah" throwaway - it's a serious question about which me is better: the happy, intoxicated, likely-to-be-shorter-lived friend of everyone, or the stoic, medicated, spooked, depressed sober me who no one will ever trust again since he had such "deep issues".

What I need is reason/cognition/rationalization, and maybe I'll increase my [x] or extend it for a couple more weeks.

You're an Internet pal, trustworthy by sheer virtue of being a Conservative, and, your advice and wisdom is easier to follow exactly because I do NOT know you personally.

If you don't mind redacting my screenname, feel free to poll/ping the Recovery List. I'll "come out" when I'm ready, I promise.

God Bless You and have a great week,

[RobFromGa]

I love it. Great way to look at stress.

I find a pen and paper handy as well. Before bed, I jot down everything running through my mind and I keep the pad next to the lamp so if something is keeping me from sound sleep I have a place to remove the burden.

If your brain thinks that it has to keep up with everything it can't relax.

And I have had more than one great idea come from this Idea Catcher.

[RobFromGa]

I don't want a problem, can I ask him to let someone else have mine? :-) Thanks for the thoughts...

[RobFromGa]

thanks for the prayers 'Hornet...

[RobFromGa]

There is much truth in that short story. And sometimes the ones that think they are close to perfect need a lot of help too.

[RobFromGa]

Your story is a cautionary tale to all of us who might think that our addiction affects others besides ourselves, and that we can cause a great deal of pain through our lack of self control.

I am so sorry for your wife, and losing her father to this terrible problem...

Lets pray our FRiend and his family find the JOY of sobriety!
Rob

[IslandJeff]

Bump and Bookmark

[RobFromGa]

thanks for the bump!

[VOA]

I hope I'm not piling on with more comment.
But some "stray voltage" hit me today and realized that The Freeper Friend
might want to look at the case of Dominick Dunne...good interview with
a bit of cursing at:
http://www.janmag.com/profiles/ddunne.html

IIRC, I saw Dunne in an interview talking about his low-period when
he spent six months alone in Oregon kicking booze and drugs.
He said that one of his prize possessions was a letter from Truman
Capote that said how awed he was at Dunne's courage at having the
strength to make a decision to get sober and to stick to it.
And Dunne said he was still sad that Capote couldn't find the strength
to do the same (Capote died of complications from alcoholism).
So, there's a story of someone who was even a high-flier who had to
transit a deep valley before coming back and climbing to new heights.

Hope that's not too much moralizing. I guess I'm biased as a junky for
Dunne's tales of rich people behaving very badly!

[RobFromGa]

Very interesting article and definitely not piling on.

Rob

[Quix]

In the world you will have tribulations. But rejoice, for I have overcome the world [the flesh and the devil, actually].

I get tired of boot camp, too.

But He insists that the glories of the coming eternity are so wonderful that the worst of our tribulations are not worthy to be compared to them.

That business of more faith required again.

Are there other viable, pleasant options?

No.

[maxter]

"I'm a very proud, spiritual Christian, but I'm even too ashamed to pray, at least at length, since both He and I know that I am the problem."

Please do not be ashamed to pray. You are a child of the Almighty God. You are not a problem to Him. He wants the very best for you and wants to show you the way. Ask Him today for shelter in His loving arms. Leave all your cares and burdens with Him. Prayer for peace in your heart and strength in each new day.

[JockoManning]

Dear FReeper FRiend,

 

I don't have time to read through the whole thread to see what others have said, to you, and I want to reply to your letter, so please excuse me if I am redundant or if I am out of whack with what else has been written here.

 

I am not going to tell you to snap out of it.

 

I am not going to tell you to grow up.

 

I am going to tell you:

 

I commend you for getting through several weeks without a drink.

 

I commend you for being a priceless human being when you are drunk.

 

And also when you are sober.

 

I am going to tell you that fightng addictions IS part of life for many of us. I am going to tell you to try to get a copy of this book:

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Prayers that Avail Much."

 

 

 

 

 

 

WHY? Because sometimes that book is one of the few things that helps me with *my* ongoing struggles.

 

Don't leave the book on the shelf.

 

Use it.

 

Read it through, cover to cover, and mean every word of every prayer in there.

 

When you get to a prayer that isn't exactly accurate for you, plow through. Keep going.

 

Right now, the original version is out with all three volumes in one edition for the 25th anniversary.

 

Peace, dear FRiend.

 

We need you.

 

Please don't leave.

 

We want you here.

 

Lots of hugs.

 

jm

[xcamel]

If anyone would like to be a "test victim" for the odat (one day at a time) or the odat irc/im channel, freepmail me and I'll give you the instructions.

[Marysecretary]

I just reminded hubby today that I need to take my omega 3 pills again. I stopped them for a while because I was taking so many pills but these are important for my heart, along with my CoQ10s. M

[skr]

Just sent a prayer.

Can only offer that, aside from chemical imbalance, chronic depression can have a root cause in something or someone who causes a person to feel inferior in some way. The difficult part is refusing to let others decide one's worth and to really, truly understand that God had already decided that by sacrificing His only Son for us. If our Heavenly Father places such a high value on us, no one else can take that away from us unless we let them.

[RobFromGa]

*UPDATE FROM RECOVFERING FREEPER:

Dear FReepers;

I have to compile my journal tonight, but will share a couple strange dynamics to pass along to the group:

- I'm slightly meaner and more earnest and honest. Someone mentioned "Dry Drunk". I think it's hidden Recoverer starting to come out.

- I still drink a helluvalot of fluids (diet sodas, iced tea, Snapple, etc.) and STILL do not urinate often - maybe twice a day. I'm almost scared about this.

- For the religious (particularly Christian/Protestant), I recommend two relatively short books in the Bible that are easy reads and very very, almost frightenly-relevant: Ecclesiastes ("all is vanity" - the lament of the successful King who had it all and still hated it until he found God), and Galatians (Forgive yourselves, you jerks, God knows who you are!)

Today "feels" like a Friday, since I've worked my butt off the last two nights. Only craving was leaving work tired last night, but that first Diet Pepsi, opening my mail, and petting my cat took care of that.

I'll keep in touch, believe me. I'm no longer the same person I was last Sunday night. My doctor (which I forgot to mention in my extended journal that I've e-mailed you) told me that in 5-6 weeks I would "be a completely different person".

XXXXXXXXX

[MrEdd]

God bless you, our struggling Freeper friend. I hope you have a Christian recovery group available where you live. I'll have my Friday night Celebrate Recovery group lift you in our prayers. Know we are in your corner.

And thank you RobFromGa for posting and maintaining the ping list.

[zerosix]

Dear "Fellow Freeper",

You say that you've been "clean" for a couple of weeks (give or take) but if you've had anything at all with alcohol, you have not yet been "clean."

Alcohol can be found in your spinal tap for up to 30 days, so, my friend, you have to go really "clean" for at least that long before you really begin to think straight.

You have also made the following statement: "I'm a very proud, spiritual Christian, but I'm even too ashamed to pray, at least at length, since both He and I know that I am the problem." Pride is your first issue, friend. Christ/God can work with many sinners but the one that He cannot work with is the issue of pride.

The reason for that is that when you are giving into pride, you really believe in you, not the Lord. You falsely assume that you are in charge of your life and that you can do this or that and that you can choose to change something without His help.

Trust me, no matter what your problem (or even if you think that you have none), you are ultimately not in charge - it is God and unless and until you choose to make Him in charge of everything, holding nothing back, your habits, matter what they are, are not going to change.

The bad news, friend, is that everything that is wrong in your life is only going to get worse, not better, no matter how hard you (pride again) try.

If you have, indeed, become "born again" go back to Him and ask Him to convict you of the Sin of Pride and admit that without Him - you can do nothing.

I will keep you in my prayers as I know that God is not limitless in what He can do.

[SweetCaroline]

BUMP for later!

Thanks for the ping ROB!

[Gvl_M3]

- I still drink a helluvalot of fluids (diet sodas, iced tea, Snapple, etc.) and STILL do not urinate often - maybe twice a day. I'm almost scared about this.

I have personal experience with what you are talking about. (lack of urination)

If possible (over the weekend?) drink nothing but water for 2-3 days, adding lemon to taste. I know we are told that diet sodas, tea, etc are still fluids, but they also have an awful lot of chemicals in them. You will be amazed at how often you relieve yourself when only drinking water.

Another hard core thing that I have done (last week even) is to not eat for 2-3 days and only drink water. In your position, you might want to wait on this one, but it can help a lot with detoxing your body. I don't have the list of vitamins in front of me, I'll post later. But, I take tons of vitamin C (2g three times a day) because it pulls the toxins out of the intestines, a strong multivitamin, magnesium, E, B-complex, Potassium. There are more for the liver that I'll verify later.

Again, this is a hard core method that I use for detoxing general daily life. I am not an alcoholic, so I haven't read the detox book from that perspective. I'll give you the name of the book when I update the vitamins.