Hey, Doll, You Need a Real Man

Los Angeles Times ^ | August 23, 2006 | Dean P. Johnson

[nickcarraway]

YOU CAN DRESS him up any way you want. Change his appearance to make him look like Orlando Bloom, Johnny Depp or even John Wayne. Tough boy, homeboy, cowboy. It doesn't matter. Ken is still a castrated man.

Ken has always lived in the shadow of the venerable girl next door. He is an afterthought, known for nothing but being a mere accessory, sold separately. Mattel is trying to bring him back after a hiatus, but with a lobotomized grin and submissive gaze, he is the epitome of role reversal. While Barbie has been a regular career gal with a plethora of jobs — doctor, lawyer, flight attendant — Ken seems to be nothing but a foppish playboy, a passenger in the dream car of life.

ADVERTISEMENTGenerations of girls have had the opportunity to learn how to manipulate and emasculate the male species by not only giving Ken their own feminine qualities but by allowing Ken to be totally dominated by Barbie. But is that what women really want?

When I was growing up, the girls in my neighborhood all played with Barbie dolls; that category included Ken. We boys would not be caught dead playing with dolls. Even on a rainy Saturday afternoon when no other guys were around, boys couldn't stand to be around their sisters' Barbies.

We boys did not play with dolls. We played with action figures, and Ken was no action figure.

Action figures were real men: Geronimo, Gen. Custer, GI Joe. They were made from hard plastic and had cool things like a Kung Fu grip. Every nick, scratch, scrape and dent in the plastic was a badge of honor. Ken was soft plastic with shorts even your father wouldn't wear. And he had accessories of his own: shoes, tennis racket, skates.

[nickcarraway]

DEAN P. JOHNSON teaches English at Camden (N.J.) Academy Charter High School and is an adjunct professor at Rowan University in Glassboro, N.J.

[martin_fierro]

Men, marginalized.

[Trampled by Lambs]

What do you expect? Ken has no genitalia.

[woofie]

bad breath optional

[theFIRMbss]

>Hey, Doll, You Need a Real Man

Somebody should make a Bruce Campbell doll. Every woman would buy one!

[ElkGroveDan]

Action figures were real men: Geronimo, Gen. Custer, GI Joe. They were made from hard plastic

But not too hard to be blown to pieces by firecrackers strapped to their backs.

[Shaun_MD]

Most of my toys were real metal and had sharp edges. My other "toy" was a hunting rifle. God I feel so old.

[Spktyr]

Hey, even Barbie dumped Ken for a real action figure a while back:

http://www.nicoclub.com/nissan-vids/300zx-toys.mov

[Ol' Dan Tucker]

What do you expect? Ken has no genitalia.

Neither did the action figures, such as GI Joe, etc.

[calljack]

GI Joe don't need no genitalia.

[SquirrelKing]

Looks like Chevy Chase.

[GOP Poet]

bump for later

[SkyPilot]

_{*DISCLAMER: Neither product sold will actually have sex with a female. Void where prohibited.}

[Ouderkirk]

DEAN P. JOHNSON teaches English at Camden (N.J.) Academy Charter High School and is an adjunct professor at Rowan University in Glassboro, N.J.

Not for long after essentially naming Ken as a flaming fag.

[hunter112]

Neither product sold will actually have sex with a female.

And while they might take garbage from a feminazi, neither one will take out the garbage!

[digger48]

[msnimje]

Will my husband have to sit in the back seat?

[Names Ash Housewares]

"Somebody should make
a Bruce Campbell doll. Every
woman would buy one!"

Groovy.

[skinkinthegrass]

...But not too hard to be blown to pieces by firecrackers strapped to their backs......LOL! ....a fine tradition, fer sure. :^)