Sorry, but my children bore me to death! (Feminism's highest honor, Grand Narcissism)

Daily Mail ^ | 26th July 2006 | HELEN KIRWAN-TAYLOLR

[carlo3b]

Sorry, but my children bore me to death!
by HELEN KIRWAN-TAYLOLR, Daily Mail 08:00am 26th July 2006

It's the start of the summer holidays, when millions of mothers despair at how to entertain their children for the next six weeks. What none of them dare say is that they would rather their children were still at school or, frankly, anywhere else. Helen Kirwan-Taylor, a 42-year-old writer, lives in Notting Hill, West London, with her businessman husband Charles and their sons Constantin, 12, and Ivan, ten. Here, she argues provocatively that modern women must not be enslaved by their children.

The lies started when my eldest son was less than ten months old.

Invitations to attend a child's birthday party or, worse, a singalong session were met with the same refrain: 'I would love to but I just can't spare the time.'

The nanny was dispatched in my place, and almost always returned complaining that my son had been singled out for pitiful stares by the other mothers.

(snip) Kids are supposed to be fulfilling, life-changing, life-enhancing fun: why was my attitude towards them so different?

While all my girlfriends were dropping important careers and occupying their afternoons with cake baking, I was begging the nanny to stay on, at least until she had read my two a bedtime story. What kind of mother hates reading bedtime stories? A bad mother, that's who, and a mother who is bored rigid by her children.

(snip) Am I a lazy, superficial person because I don't enjoy packing up their sports kit, or making their lunch, or sitting through coffee mornings with other mothers discussing how Mr Science (I can't remember most of the teachers' names) said such and such to Little Johnny and should we all complain to the headmaster.

[Gabz]

Sorry girls but I don't trust women who hyphenate their last names.

There are often various reasons for doing so. In my case when I signed my marriage certificate I just signed my name, the same way I had been signing it since I began signing my name, and so had to add my husband's last name at the end.

I only go by my married name, but legally my name is hyphenated.

[don-o]

Hell in a handbasket ping

Sad thanks Carlo - BTW, Mrs. D, if you want to find some really nice writing do a find user on carlo3b.

[durasell]

Sorry girls but I don't trust women who hyphenate their last names.




Hyphens are the devil's play things...

[bmwcyle]

There is a difference in bowing to habit than not suppressing one's ego.

But we will keep an eye on you just in case.

[HungarianGypsy]

I normally go by my married name, but when I write (no nothing big published yet), I use my maiden name also. For two reasons. One, to honor my dad, who died 12 years ago. Two, so that when I do make it big the naysayers will know it's me. hehe Actually I stopped hyphenating recently. I just write the full name without the hyphen. It flows better.

[Warren_Piece]

Sometimes I think I should skip things like this. I haven't the heart for it.

What's really hard about this thread is hearing from the empty-nesters. Here's my favorite song about the subject:

Then They Do
by Trace Adkins

In the early rush of morning,
Trying to get the kids to school:
One's hanging on my shirt-tail,
Another's locked up in her room.
And I'm yelling up the stairs:
"Stop worrying 'bout your hair, you look fine."

Then they're fightin' in the backseat,
And I'm playing referee.
Now someone's gotta go,
The moment that we leave.
And everybody's late,
I swear that I can't wait till they grow up.

Then they do, and that's how it is.
It's just quiet in the mornin',
Can't believe how much you miss,
All they do and all they did.
You want all the dreams they dreamed of to come true:
Then they do.

Now the youngest is starting college,
She'll be leavin' in the Fall.
And Brianna's latest boyfriend,
Called to ask if we could talk.
And I got the impression,
That he's about to pop the question any day.

I look over at their pictures,
Sittin' in their frames.
I see them as babies:
I guess that'll never change.
You pray all their lives,
That someday they will find happiness.

Then they do, and that's how it is.
It's just quiet in the mornin',
Can't believe how much you miss,
All they do and all they did.
You want all the dreams they dreamed of to come true:
Then they do.

No more Monday PTA's,
No carpools, or soccer games.
Your work is done.
Now you've got time that's all your own.
You've been waitin' for so long,
For those days to come.

Then they do, and that's how it is.
It's just quiet in the mornin',
Can't believe how much you miss,
All they do and all they did.
You want all the dreams they dreamed of to come true:
Then they do.

Ah, then they do.

[bmwcyle]

Don't make me post the Bible verse about cleaving to your husband.

[OldFriend]

Talk about empty nest syndrome. Son was overseas in X42's army and my daughter left for college.

Boo hoo. I found a job tutoring a neighbor's learning disabled twin boys. They were six and she wanted no part of them. They always had a nanny until they started school. The family had never had a meal together, the boys often were put to sleep in the clothes they'd worn during the day.

This was a high income family who considered an exotic vacation enough togetherness. Very sad.

[altura]

While I was incredibly interested in my son's sporting events, I was expressly forbidden to attend.

When he was in the state tennis championships, I had to wear a wig and lurk.

I think my presence put more pressure on him.

And I agree about the over-the-top birthday parties. I had huge parties for my kids but there was no entertainment except playing and cake.

Also, I think the sob stuff about parents not attending recitals and stuff (that you see on tv) is overdone. Kids know if their parents care and are interested. They might be mildly disappointed if you couldn't make some event, but it wouldn't be shattering to them.

[perez24]

Although I adore my kids and wouldn't trade them, they aren't always a joy to be around. That being said, the worst day with them is better than the best day without them.

This article, however, demonstrates that not everybody is supposed to have kids. Doesn't necessarily make them bad people, just not a good kid-people.

[altura]

"I never liked kids and never planned on having any. I have an entirely different outlook on life now that I am a mom. And i wouldn't change it for the world."

Ha! That happens to a lot of people.

[linda_22003]

"I was one of those who was a little old man at 10 years old (am pushing 50 now), never did kid things and pretty much always hung around with adults, and to this day I've really never gotten a handle on how to deal with kids, I have no frame of reference for it."

I absolutely understand this, and it mirrors my own experience. If I'd had a spouse like your wife who was totally gung-ho on having kids, it might have been different (MIGHT), but my husband was not gung-ho on having kids, and when both people are not terribly interested, it tends not to happen.

It may be that this woman thought there was more "excitement" to being a mother and the whole experience has let her down. Otherwise, I can't imagine why she had kids. My dad was adamant that my mother stay home with me, when I arrived (this was normal in 1955), and by the time I went to kindergarten he said to her, "For God's sake, go back to work!" because she didn't have enough to keep her occupied. It went well after that. :)

[Gabz]

Then again, our last family portrait was almost two years ago.

UH OH.........although we've got tons of pix of the 3 of us taken by friends, the last formal family portrait was about 6 years ago!!!!

[HungarianGypsy]

In day to day matters I use my married name all the time. I consider my maiden name more as a professional psuedonym. That work? :P

[linda_22003]

Dubious; married women shouldn't have professions, didn't you know? ;-D

[winner3000]

(All us bored mothers can take comfort from the fact that our children may yet turn out to be more balanced than those who are love-bombed from the day they are born.

Research increasingly shows that child-centred parenting is creating a generation of narcissistic children who cannot function independently.)

What a bunch of crock. Research is showing that today's children are having way more problems than when they were raised by mom and dad in a traditional family. Liberals never seem to be honest about research and science and try to twist them to reach the conclusion they want to reach. Why am I not surprised to see she has a hyphenated name?

[GB]

My kids do sometimes bore me, as is the case with this woman. I'm not ashamed to admit it. I love them, I do things with them ... we have an outing planned this afternoon ... I do more than just put food in their bellies and a roof over their heads and tell them I love them, and I do it not because I have to but because I have this inner something in me that makes me, as hard as it is for me to execute, want to. But sometimes dealing with them is, as I said, drudge work to me and it can be painfully boring.

And then I see people to whom it seems to come so easily ... yes, I know it's probably work to them as well, but it still seems to come so free and easily and natural to where they don't show it ... and the thing I keep drawing from my interactions with them, at various functions, etc., is that it's because they have the ability to get down on a child's level. And that is simply not natural to me.

[Jersey Republican Biker Chick]

She should have thought about it and known she was not mother material made the decision not to have children.

I know I do not want kids, I do not have the patience for them, and I am not mother material I like to be free.....

I knew at 16 I was never having kids and I am now 36 and have no regrets!!!

[OneWingedShark]

OK, lazy and superficial is a start ... followed by self-centered jerk... Yeah, I feel compassion - for her poor children and what must be a very sad children's father. This woman is a load. Counseling might help...

Indeed it may. But who knows, maybe God has a good plan for those kids.

[LetsRok]

The new "status symbol" in my neighborhood is stay at home moms who have nannys and maid service. They don't have to work or raise the kids or clean the house. They spend their days cruising to the Starbucks with their $500 stroller hauling their kids with stupid names like "Hunter" and "Colin".