Posted on 07/26/2006 7:17:10 AM PDT by carlo3b
Sorry, but my children bore me to death!
by HELEN KIRWAN-TAYLOLR, Daily Mail 08:00am 26th July 2006It's the start of the summer holidays, when millions of mothers despair at how to entertain their children for the next six weeks. What none of them dare say is that they would rather their children were still at school or, frankly, anywhere else. Helen Kirwan-Taylor, a 42-year-old writer, lives in Notting Hill, West London, with her businessman husband Charles and their sons Constantin, 12, and Ivan, ten. Here, she argues provocatively that modern women must not be enslaved by their children.
The lies started when my eldest son was less than ten months old.
Invitations to attend a child's birthday party or, worse, a singalong session were met with the same refrain: 'I would love to but I just can't spare the time.'
The nanny was dispatched in my place, and almost always returned complaining that my son had been singled out for pitiful stares by the other mothers.
(snip) Kids are supposed to be fulfilling, life-changing, life-enhancing fun: why was my attitude towards them so different?While all my girlfriends were dropping important careers and occupying their afternoons with cake baking, I was begging the nanny to stay on, at least until she had read my two a bedtime story. What kind of mother hates reading bedtime stories? A bad mother, that's who, and a mother who is bored rigid by her children.
(snip) Am I a lazy, superficial person because I don't enjoy packing up their sports kit, or making their lunch, or sitting through coffee mornings with other mothers discussing how Mr Science (I can't remember most of the teachers' names) said such and such to Little Johnny and should we all complain to the headmaster.
(Excerpt) Read more at dailymail.co.uk ...
Ha! More than one. My oldest went to bed and the four younger ones were all talking non-stop until midnight, because of a storm and power outage. I don't know how many times I asked them to shush, so I could concentrate on finding the number to the power company so I could find out when we would have power back.
This is a woman who is just flat out incapable of doing anything out of pure love for another person, which means that she is incapable of love itself.
I feel sorry for her children.
Even more fun then turning around when someone calls "Mommy"? My mother-in-law's youngest is 20 years old. She has been out alone at grocery stores and would sway back and forth if she heard a baby crying.
I think there's a kernel of truth in the article. I don't think you do kids any good by hovering over them and showering them with consant attention and gifts. There's a huge amount of pressure to conform to tv notions of being a good dad and mom and much of that pressure is stupid. So what you get is a lot of parents trying to be good tv parents and ignoring stuff like discipline and self-sufficiency because that makes bad tv.
We work hard to make our son independent. And that means going places by himself. It also means having to entertain himself when dad is busy. We try to be there when we are with him but expect him to do a lot on his own and be able to entertain himself, no matter how much drama goes on about being bored.
I think this is related to the bizarre extent of kids birthdays today. What's wrong with having the family and a few friends over for cake and ice cream? What's all this ponies and swimming parties and Jungle Quest stuff for four year olds. I mean, it's fun but my son has already planned his next three birthdays and what fabulous and expensive events will occur. (as you can see, my wife doesn't agree that we make way too much of kids birthdays.)
My parents never went to one of my baseball games and I got over it. In fact, at the time, I didn't even notice--being much more interested in other kids. All this cr@p in the movies about kids crying because dad, again, doesn't show up for Meaningful Event A had nothing to do with my life when I was a kid. As long as I could get to MEANINGFUL EVENT A, I was happy and my parent's job was done. Of course, having seen the movies, the kids now know to use this particular issue for emotional manipulation. But when I was growing up, it was a complete non-issue.
One of the best pieces of advice I ever got was from my mom, just before my son was born. She told me that kids live in your house, not the other way around.
One other point in this somewhat scattered post. How can she find kids uninteresting? That I don't understand. That is sad because the kid will figure that out. We have a ball with our boy.
Linda, I thought of you and several others in the "childless" group here at FR when I read this article. I've truly hoped that the condemnation would lie in the fact that she had children at all, NOT in that awful direction that many of these threads go in: that there' something wrong or evil about people who don't want to have children. So far, so good!
I'm the total opposite..........I never liked kids and never planned on having any. I have an entirely different outlook on life now that I am a mom. And i wouldn't change it for the world.
Have no fear Helen. They will have plenty of time to entertain you when your lack of love bears its' fruit. No telling what they will seek out to replace what should be a mother's love.
I will pray for your children that they can somehow teach you to love.
One of the great truths I know is that 'boring people get bored.'
Exactly, and thanks for getting it. I've certainly been condemned here on FR for my "selfishness" in not reproducing. Given my feelings about it, I think it would have been selfish TO do so, since it would only have been to live up to others' expectations. That's what some people seem to want around here, though.
I not only don't know why this woman had kids, I have NO idea why she thought writing this article was a good idea!
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(Last verse):
Full lyrics continued at link
Do you care to share the reason why you haven't been popping out kids like a Pez dispenser?
(I'm kidding, I'm kidding)
Now you've done it. :-)
I REALLY agree about the birthday part. I think there's a fine line between teaching your kids self-reliance, and neglecting them.
I'm pretty sure you've started what will be a first-class flame war!
What a beautiful moment, thanks.
Okay, I thought those kids looked a little small for their stated ages, but I wasn't sure. So it is an old picture after all.
How old are your children? We did the same thing until my oldest turned 12. He babysits and we wander around trying to figure out what to do with ourselves. He also calls every half hour asking what we're doing.
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