Posted on 07/22/2006 6:03:00 PM PDT by NYer
PISCATAWAY, New Jersey, JULY 22, 2006 (Zenit.org).- Life without children is a growing social reality for an increasing number of American adults.
This is the conclusion of the 2006 edition of "The State of Our Unions" report on marriage, released last week by the National Marriage Project. The project is based at Rutgers, the State University of New Jersey.
Up until recently, for most people, the greater part of adult life was spent with young children forming part of the household. A combination of marrying later, less children and longer life expectancy means, however, that a significantly greater part of adult life is spent without kids being in the house.
The report, titled "Life Without Children," was authored by Barbara Dafoe Whitehead and David Popenoe. They start by noting how many recent publications complain of the difficulties in raising children. Many surveys also show that parents report lower levels of happiness compared to non-parents. In fact, an increasing number of married couples now see children as an obstacle to their marital happiness.
This isn't to say that children are rejected by the majority of couples. Nevertheless, there is a growing feeling of trepidation about taking on the responsibilities of parenthood. Of course, bringing up kids has never been easy, but there are good reasons why a growing number of parents are feeling increased pressures, the report explains.
A weakening of marriage bonds contributes to the difficulties of having children. Cohabiting women, the report explains, may postpone childbearing until they have a better sense of the long-term future of the relationship. If they wait too long, however, this places them at risk for never having children. Being in an unhappy marriage is another source of uncertainty. Couples who are worried about getting divorced are the most likely to remain childless.
Changing families
Citing Census Bureau reports, Whitehead and Popenoe lay out just how much family structures have changed.
-- In 1970 the median age of first marriage for women was just under 21years-old. The age of first marriage has now risen to just short of 26. Women who have a four-year college degree marry at an even later age.
-- In 1970, 73.6% of women, ages 25-29, had already entered their child-rearing years and were living with at least one minor child of their own. By 2000, this share dropped to 48.7%. For men in the same age bracket in 1970, 57.3% lived with their own children in the household. In 2000 this had plummeted to 28.8%.
-- In 1960, 71% of married women had their first child within the first 3 years of marriage. By 1990, this almost halved, to 37%. So after getting married, couples now experience a greater number of child-free years.
-- In 1970, 27.4% of women and 39.5% of men, ages 50-54, had at least one minor child of their own in the household. By 2000, the shares had fallen to 15.4% and 24.7%, respectively.
-- In addition, a growing number of women are not having any children. In 2004, almost one out of five women in their early forties was childless. In 1976, it was only one out of ten.
-- The proportion of households with children has declined from half of all households in 1960 to less than one-third today -- the lowest in America's history.
In general, then, a few decades ago life before children was brief, with little time between the end of schooling and the beginning of marriage and family life. Life after children was also reduced, with few years left before the end of work and the beginning of old age.
Less fun
Contemporary culture has quickly reflected the changes in family life, the report observes. It is increasingly common to find the years spent raising children portrayed as being less satisfying compared to the years before and after.
Adult life without children is depicted as having positive meaning and purpose, and as being full of fun and freedom. Life with children, by contrast, is seen as full of pressures and responsibilities.
In general, life without children is characterized by a focus on the self. "Indeed, the cultural injunction for the childless young and the child-free old is to 'take care of yourself,'" the report comments.
The years spent bringing up children is just the opposite. Being a parent means focusing on those who are dependent and subordinating adult needs to the requirements of the children.
By way of compensation traditional culture normally celebrated the work and sacrifice of parents, but this has now changed. Increasingly, the popular image of parents is a negative one. The new stereotypes range from the hyper-competitive sports parents who scream at their own kids, to those who ignore the problems their undisciplined children cause for others in public places.
The latest variant are the so-called "helicopter parents," who get their name from the way they supposedly hover over their children and swoop down to rescue them from any negative consequences of their behavior.
Television programs have long made fun of fathers, notes the report. More recently mothers are also being shown as unfit, unable to carry out their responsibilities without the help of a nanny, or as being over-indulgent and negligent.
By contrast a number of the most popular television shows in America in recent years, such as "Friends" and "Sex and the City," celebrated the glamorous life of young urban singles.
Bias against children
What does this portend for the future, the report asks. For a start, less political support for families. In the last presidential election, parents made up slightly less than 40% of the electorate. Less votes translates into less support for funding of schools and youth activities. Already a number of communities across the nation are trying to hold down property taxes by restricting the construction of affordable single family housing.
In cultural terms the bias against children is likely to grow. Entertainment and pastimes for adults -- gambling, pornography and sex -- is one of the fastest growing and most lucrative, and exciting, sectors of the economy.
By contrast, being a devoted parent is increasingly subject to a ruthless debunking, the report notes. In fact, the task of being a mother is now seen by a growing number as being unworthy of an educated women's time and talents. So the more staid values supportive of raising children -- sacrifice, stability, dependability, maturity -- will receive less attention.
"It is hard enough to rear children in a society that is organized to support that essential social task," the report observes. "Consider how much more difficult it becomes when a society is indifferent at best, and hostile, at worst, to those who are caring for the next generation," it concludes.
The family, "founded on indissoluble marriage between a man and a woman," is where men and women "are enabled to be born with dignity, and to grow and develop in an integral manner," explained the Pope in his homily concluding the World Meeting of Families in Valencia, Spain, on July 9.
"The joyful love with which our parents welcomed us and accompanied our first steps in this world is like a sacramental sign and prolongation of the benevolent love of God from which we have come," he noted.
This experience of being welcomed and loved by God and by our parents, explained Benedict XVI, "is always the firm foundation for authentic human growth and authentic development, helping us to mature on the way towards truth and love, and to move beyond ourselves in order to enter into communion with others and with God." A foundation that is increasingly being undermined in today's society.
Your post 75 was most interesting and I think I have a reply but things are fuzzing over (it's late), so I'll reply tomorrow.
My sister couldn't have children. She told me once, I'm not jealous or anything but I see people with two or three and I wish I could have just one. I told her I would share mine with her and she could borrow them whenever she wanted to. She laughed as I intended her to. She passed away several years ago but she could not have been a better aunt to her special nephews. I sure miss her sometimes.
You don't have to have a baby in order to pass on a family heritage. Many people adopt because of infertility and/or by choice.
I would have adopted. While the West fiddles, the Muslim world is reproducing at a rapid pace. Those who reproduce will rule over those who do not. It simple math.
Blue state democrat party sterility = Socialist Europe sterility
No babies. End of the line. Not a minute too soon, to my way of thinking.
I have 6 grandchildren. I know 2 are step grandchildren but which ones??? My heart smiled the first time my new one called me Granny and wanted to show me his art work.
This was an interesting article along with the comments that have followed. We were also not childless by choice, and decided to adopt after almost 10 years of infertility. The passing on of my gene pool was no big deal, because I think nurture plays an important role also.
One of the reasons we decided to adopt was because of a trait we saw in a lot of our childless friends. It seemed most of them were much more irritable about minor things. While this wasn't always true, it was something we recognized as starting to happen to us.
It's amazing how a child has changed us, it has made me more relaxed about dealing with all kinds of messes and less uptight about my routines.
Having a child has been an incredible and sometimes painful joy. While it may not be for everyone, I believe there's no better way to get bumped out of being the center of our own universe.
What a difference a thread makes...We firmly agree on this one!
Unfortunately with the NEA hovering over the classrooms parents are becoming just the breeders of the pupils. We have no authority over what they are taught anymore.
. . . and I guess it's even worse in Europe, with governments asserting ownership of the children. And then complaining about low birth rates.What does this portend for the future, the report asks. For a start, less political support for families. In the last presidential election, parents made up slightly less than 40% of the electorate. Less votes translates into less support for funding of schools and youth activities.News Flash! Parents sacrifice for their children, and deserve the satisfaction of passing on their own values. Actually it does take a village - to protect parents from busybody government.
. . . but maybe the school budget is part of the problem parents face making ends meet, too! Taj Mahal schools sap people's budgets - and then tend to forcefeed PC to the kids as thanks.
You learn to deal with the hand you are dealt.
Yeah, I know the feeling. :-)
You can't be bitter about it. It will just eat you up inside.
People question getting married, having kids. Those are the two most fulfilling jobs on earth. Both require a lot of giving and forgiving, a lot of selflessness instead of self-centeredness.
I can think of many things I could have bought when I was paying for medical bills, tuition at a special school, etc. We lost two children, but one survived. He has three children. Those grandchildren are even better than the wonderful children we had.
We just spent some time with all of them. Guess what? Our son thinks having a wife and children is just great. They got married first and then had children. Radicals. She stays at home with them. Needless to say, the children adore their parents.
And us? We were away from them a few hours after our trip with them to Branson and back. When we met them at a restaurant, the grandchildren greeted us like they hadn't seen us in months. Hugs and kisses.
I have come to the conclusion that drugs are a crutch for people who cannot handle the rush of having grandchildren.
My significant other has three grown children (2 in the process of their second divorce) and 4 grand children ( 2 will need help all their lives).
I don't have any children.
I have a 4 & 1/2 pound Yorkie.
She's all I can handle.
If you have the same last name --on purpose-- you are a family.
A "couple" is a prom-date.
Thanks, NYer! I saw the headline and thought it would be a good one for the Moral Absolutes ping list.
How many of you have had sons who have had wives leave them and take the kids? It sounds to me like everyone here posting is living in Utopia.
There is no such thing as "a family without children." The term the author means to use is "couples."
My sons know that my DILs are very special and they better not mess with them. My DILs know that they will always be my DILs, I even had one that had enough of my youngest and asked if she and the boys could come home:')
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