Posted on 05/21/2006 11:55:33 AM PDT by Extremely Extreme Extremist
(CBS) CHICAGO It's a trend that some fear may have long-term consequences. More unmarried women over the age of 25 are not waiting for Mr. Right.
As CBS 2's Alita Guillen reports, these ladies are having children on their own.
The fantasy father at their fingertips is a sperm donor with all the right stuff.
Katherine Gehl and April Lashbrook had successful careers and dated, but they didn't have husbands. They heard their biological clocks ticking loudly.
"It was like a time bomb," April said.
"I need to go and have a baby and be a mother, and so I did," Katherine said.
Women used to depend on chemistry in the bedroom to conceive a child. Now, more and more women are turning to the lab and depending more on science than sex.
This twist on the mating game begins at a sperm bank, where donors can earn up to $900 a month.
"These guys are college students. This is a form of income," said California Cryobank Medical Director Dr. Cappy Rothman.
The sperm undergoes testing for diseases, genetic defects and blood type.
"Donor sperm, in many ways, is guaranteed good sperm," said Dr. Lauren Streicher, a gynecologist at Northwestern Memorial Hospital.
When April chose her donor in 2003, she got a long profile including a medical history and even written answers to questions.
"I knew immediately that was who I was going to choose," she said.
Now, many banks offer much more, including childhood photos and the donors' voices on CD.
Once chosen, the sperm remains frozen and stored until needed. Then it can be shipped anywhere.
While women can inseminate themselves at home, both April and Katherine used fertility specialists.
Many of these donors have already proven their fertility.
"It's an excellent way of getting pregnant because you usually have men who have confirmed pregnancy," said Dr. Brian Kaplan, a fertility specialist with Fertility Clinics of Illinois.
"We are creating a real potential disaster here," said Elizabeth Marquardt with New York City's Affiliate Scholar Institute for American Values.
Some critics are concerned that as this practice becomes more popular, and that with an unknown number of children from the same donor, that two of them might unknowingly hook up.
"In the future, we will have to have a DNA test with anyone we want to have sex with just to make sure we're not related to them," Marquardt said.
Many sperm banks say they try to limit pregnancies based on geographic area to reduce that risk. However, in a transient society, it may be hard to do.
Critics also worry how this might change the definition of family.
"As a society, we're saying fathers don't matter," Marquardt said.
Thirteen-year-old Liz Herzog, whose father is donor number 1002 from Virginia's Fairfax Cryobank, says she's happy with her life.
"I can't even say that once in a while I wish I had a father, because I don't," she said.
Through the Donor Sibling Registry Web site, she has discovered at least 10 half-sibling and has met seven, including Callie from Pennsylvania.
Liz's mother, Diana, thinks these newly forged relationships will last a lifetime.
"You can only hope that your child will be well-adjusted and happy enough when they grow up that they won't feel that they're missing too much," Diana Herzog said.
April's daughter, Julia, is now almost three years old.
"When she was born, it was just amazing," April said.
Katherine's daughter, Alexandra, is eight months old.
Both are enjoying every moment motherhood has to offer.
"It is so much greater than I had any idea," Katherine said.
April, Julia's mom, knows of six half-siblings so far.
All of the single moms we spoke with think the possibility of meeting and dating a half-sibling is very remote because they are very open or plan to be open with their children.
It is interesting to note that back when sperm banks first opened in the 1970s, it was all married couples seeking sperm donors. Doctors say those couples were more likely to keep it secret.
I was talking about very, very basic structure that defined the family dynamic.
So was I.
...and you understand that for various and sundry reasons the vast majority of Americans do not belong to the same family structure that existed 75 years ago, right?
Sounds like they settled for Mr. Right Hand.
Amazing that some people cannot see the difference.
"But I know a boy who was raised in a horrible family. Blah. Blah."
Relativism sucks.
That is sad.
I know it's not PC to say so, but babies under age two should have their mother and father as primary caregivers. A child that is missing the love of either shows that void, and they show it early. They hunger for it, and seek it out.
I favor committed parenting by all who have children, but I also admonish all fathers that it's not enough to father our own - we have to reach out and be dads to those kids who got a bad dad in the draw. Those kids will always need someone to drop them off after practice, and making them feel welcome to do it versus making them feel burdened is all in how you do it. Paying their way when it's time for the team to get pizza, and making sure they don't feel on the spot for your doing so is part of it.
Good parenting would solve about 75% of society's problems. Kids needs love, and they need it from a mother and a father, ideally.
David, I know what you've been advocating, but I submit one thing you are doing is looking in the wrong direction for the solution.
Full halls of detention do NOT demostrate where the responsibility lies.
Ask yourself this question: Could you rationally hold parents responsible for the actions of their children if every time they tried to exercise any kind of parental authority over those children a government representative stepped in and preempted that exercise?
I pretty much agree with what you said except, I don't think my friends necessarily put their careers first. I used to practice law; I know that type of woman and these women are very different. Sometimes it just happens that you don't get asked. It's that simple. No one asks you to the prom, no one buys you a drink at the bar, no one looks across rows of cubicles and says 'you're the one.'
Meanwhile, they have to make a living. Personally, I'd rather have well educated women making a decent living then uneducated women who are a burden on society.
As has been pointed out on these threads ad nauseum, people can't live with their parents forever. Sometimes the parents are deceased or living in areas with no job opportunities. You've got to support yourself and it's much better to do it on a decent income than struggling on minimum wage. Every woman who's holding down a job isn't necessarily doing it because she put her career first.
Thank you. Thank you so much, for dads everywhere.
When Divorce comes, if it must, I think it is critical dads stay in their children's lives, and custody with dad is preferred for boys, if all other considerations are equal. Boys need their dad as a role model, and if he's a decent one, that will teach his son better than anything how to be a man.
My boys are dedicated monogomists because they learned that as the norm.
Au contraire, mon ami......
There may not be a whole lot of killing going on by this family (only because the required class to get a deer hunting license doesn't sync with hubby's or my work and child schedule) but feeding and cooking are practically a religion in this household.
Every couple of months I will devote an entire weekend to just cooking for the pantry and freezer.
My almost 8yo thinks it's cool to help mommy in the kitchen..........she doesn't understand it is reinforcing her math and reading skills or the fact that she will not need anyone to help her prepare meals when she is finally out on her own.
Oh, and she also knows the basics about canning and freezing for storing food..........I self tught myself all of that kind of stuff when I was well into my 30s.
The implications are inescapable. You might as well maintain your choice to go swimming does not mean you are willing to get wet.
And as for absolutist statements, perhaps I was a bit premature. It is becoming increasingly obvious you DON"T understand your condemnation of absolutism IS absolutism.
There is no philosophical difference between claiming one speaks for God, and claiming one DOES NOT speak for God. The only way to verify either claim is to actually BE speaking for God.
You make a valid point regarding intrusive CPS oversights that are not always justified, but there's a lot of really bad parenting going on out there.
When we have subcultures in which it is considered acceptable to have a child out of wedlock at age 16, it's not CPS' fault. It's partly a failure of government, which seems to support such irresponsible conduct, but it's mainly the failure of subcultures to hold their own fathers and mothers responsible.
No, I don't. I'd like futher elaboration of "various and sundry" and where you got the 75 year figure from.
1. The number of people actually being killed in Iraq is a relatively small number.
2. If you cannot understand the difference in a tragic accident or unforeseen death and injecting purchased sperm into your vagina because you "need" a child, then there is really no reason to talk to you.
I applaud you, but that's not what I was getting at.
Fer instance, years ago I had the opportunity to visit a farm family that was functioning under an updated 19th century version of family life. The family consisted of 8 or 9 members, including mom, dad, kids, three grandparents and a weird, very quiet uncle. These people weren't playing around, this was their actual life.
What struck me was the amazing amount of energy required just to prepare dinner, which included killing three chickens. The chickens were executed at 11 a.m. for serving at 6 p.m. I mean, this was hard work and required three women working their butts off.
Today we can fool ourselves that there is a time honored traditional nuclear family, but the truth is that nuclear families are new fangled phenoms that displaced the extended multi-generational family. And with that displacement from rural to suburban and multi-generational to nuclear, the entire family dynamic changed.
But that's just it, David. I'm not talking about CPS. I'm talking about American women. You can't hold "fathers" responsible when for all intents and purposes, they have no control over "mothers." That's like holding male voters responsible for who gets elected, and what policies they advocate, when there are several million more women voters than men...just by virtue of the raw numbers.
Don't take my word for it; check the census numbers.
No, I don't. I'd like futher elaboration of "various and sundry" and where you got the 75 year figure from...
Various and sundry = technological advances, the rise of the corporate farm, the migration of populations from rural to urban and suburban, the economic boom following WWII accompanied by a population with a larger number of college graduates, the rise of unions in still thriving industrial sectors, the creation of suburban infratstructure, including the proliferation of shopping malls, an increasingly educated female population and entrance of an increasing number of women into the workforce, which took off circa 1973.
And no, I will not sort out the significance of each various and sundry factor for you. That's a book length effort that would require a dissection of each geographic area of the country.
I arrived at 75 years because it represents a time period between World Wars. Yes, I'm aware that it was the Depression -- but there were still plenty of folks living in rural areas during the Depression. If you go back even more to pre-WWI, you'll see the vast majority of the population was rural.
You won't get any argument out of me on those points. The feminization of American schools and mores has been a real cultural disaster.
As I said........I said no such thing. Your opinion of my "implications" is just that, your opinion.
There is only one absolute in life....none of us will escape it alive.
It is far past when I should have been sleeping........I'll pick this back up when I get back from taking my daughter to school in the morning.
Here's another fact that the mainstream media has yet to pick up on -- urban centers are experiencing an significant influx of rural transplants. What is particularly fascinating about these folks is that they are the sons and daughters of the small town upper crust -- car dealerships, doctors, lawyers, business owners, local pols, and real estate people, etc. etc.
These kids go away to college and simply don't return. This is not only a major contributing factor to the depopulation of some areas, but a kind of brain drain that will eventually negatively impact these small towns.
Gotchya!!!!!!!
I'm way overtired and need to call it a night.........there is much in this post of yours I would like to address - but it is impossible at this point tonight.
I'll be baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack
Take it easy -- I'm off to work myself...
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