My own parents divorced when I was a baby, so I grew up with a single mother. Fortunately for me, it was the first divorce in my family, so I had the counterexamples of my grandparents, uncles, and even my father's second marriage. Nevertheless, I still feel that growing up outside a two parent household has crippled somewhat my own relationships. Add to the fact that as a black women,the majority of my potential spouses grew up in broken homes, and I grow increasingly pessimistic as to whether 1) I will ever married and 2) if I marry, whether I will stay married for life. I would never have a child out of wedlock, so my prpspects for motherhood are tied up in my chances of getting married.
Have you considered white, hispanic, or asian men?
I hope you get married and to a decent man.
Your goals are precisely the right ones for you and your future children.
I asked this earlier but since I hear this from many responsible black women, why don't more fish outside their own pond?
peer pressure? comfort?.....I understand those motivations...quite normal
but you hear a lot of white men insisting on Latino, Asian or even Northern men opining about Southern girls as well when they want more traditional wives
just thoughts....I spent a lot of time in Jamaica back in the 80s and the marriage crossover of black women into Jamaican white or asian culture was fairly common...here in the US much less so.
but...I don;t fault folks for wishing to marry within their own demographic of race, or ethnicity or even religion if they just like that better...that's pretty much the rule worldwide more often than not
Good Luck...sounds like you deserve good things
I think of Angela Bassett when this topic comes up...wasn't there a movie about this?
It's a mess, isn't it?
" I grow increasingly pessimistic as to whether 1) I will ever married and 2) if I marry, whether I will stay married for life. "
Don't give up hope. We all can be examples for others.
If you can cook, I can get down to business.
Hope you like short Jewish guys.
Sometimes my husband and I will be out and we'll see a black couple together with their children, obviously married, and I'll say, "that's so nice." And he'll say, "you always say that." And I say it because I don't see it very often.
If you put God first in your life, and you marry a man who does also, you will have a partner for life.
BTW, forget about race. Race doesn't matter. Values do.
Your determination is admirable and deserves all of our - and society's - support. I sincerely hope you find a mate with whom you can have children and raise a fine family. I deeply empathize with your situation. As a lawyer, I've known a number of very talented, attractive black women lawyers who have remained single because they could not find black men they believed would take the responsibilities of marriage and a family seriously. Keep yourself open to good men who see your quality regardless of race, and don't lower your standards for quality in men.
I pray that you're able to find a man who has the same values about marriage that you do. I personally think that a lot of children of divorced parents grow up thinking "I will never get divorced." I know both my husband and I (both products of divorced parents) decided long before we even met each other that when we got married, it was going to be for life. I would look forward, and know that God has someone wondeful for you out there, and when it's time, you'll meet him.
A tough one to answer, no doubt. It would probably take some disaster on the order of Katrina/New Orleans and the ensuing [permanent] relocation into an area that treats such things as marriage/parenthood the way it's supposed to be treated. A generation or so of that new environment may fix a good deal of the problems.
Right now, the problem seems to be "nurture" versus "nature." Blacks in too many areas are products of their unhealthy environments, and it's starting to become a real problem for them and everyone around them.
But hang in there. They (these eligible men) are far and very few between (I've seen them)...but you never know who you might run into.