Child guru says nurseries harm small children

The Sunday Times ^ | February 12, 2006 | Sian Griffiths

[tbird5]

The Sunday Times - Britain

The Sunday Times February 12, 2006

Child guru says nurseries harm small children Sian Griffiths ONE of the world’s most popular parenting gurus is to warn that placing children younger than three in nurseries risks damaging their development.

Steve Biddulph, whose books have sold more than 4m copies worldwide, says that instead of subsidising nurseries, which do a “second-rate” job, the government should put in place policies to enable mothers to stay at home with their babies.

The advice signals a reversal of views for Biddulph, an Australian with more than 20 years’ experience as a therapist, whose previous bestsellers include Raising Boys and Raising Girls.

In his new book Biddulph will admit he has changed his mind because of growing evidence of increased aggression, antisocial behaviour and other problems among children who have spent a large part of their infancy being cared for away from home.

He argues that such children may have problems developing close relationships later.

[dinoparty]

You got it.

[dinoparty]

You mean a model stay-at-home Mom such as, say, Andrea Yates?

[Popman]

But for single mothers supporting a family, options are limited.

I would agree. But the VAST majority of children in daycare centers are from duel income working families. Many of those couples, if adjusted their lifestyle could have mommy stay home

Of course they may have to sell their second car and boat and give up their 3,000' ft home.

I betcha little Johnny won't notice if they did.

As for single mothers. As far as I know it takes two to tango. Daddy should help, forcible.

[dinoparty]

I appreciate your thoughts, as well as your desire to defend your decision.

I am perfectly comfortable, however, that we are making the right decision for everyone involved in our situation. And, yes, sometimes the "rules" in this world are not one-size-fits-all, including parenting rules.

I'll repeat, I've never seen a happier boy or a better mother.

[dinoparty]

You are silly. Did your child see his shadow when he came out of hiding this year? Its getting a little cold in here.

[dinoparty]

That's funny, all these years I've thought that "single mom" means a Mom who is single! Now I realize it means "communist"! Thanks for enlightening us!

[dinoparty]

First, I'd like to hear YOUR definition. It might tell alot about you.

[pollyannaish]

I'm glad. And I don't doubt your assertions in the slightest and completely agree that one size does not fit all. That includes child care situations as well.

My comments are mostly directed at the concept of "happy." I think it has been really screwed up by our society. Happiness is not about feeling good all the time. So my button is the Oprahization of women, the inability of women to sacrifice even a moment of their "comfort and happiness" for someone else...can you tell? Women are being told that "uncomfortable" is equal to suppression. What kind of message is that? That you should never sacrifice for another human being? That demeans women, and it demeans society. It also sets each and every one of us up to be on a constant search for that elusive life of painless existence. But when most people find it, they find themselves empty and dissatisfied because they didn't understand the nature of happiness in the first place.

I think "effective" is the key word. It sounds like you are more effective parents this way. THAT I respect. Whatever makes a person "happy" right at this minute doesn't. I have a feeling we completely agree on this and I just let my buttons get pushed.

Anyway, I am thrilled to have effective, conscientious parents who make all kinds of decisions, but whose goal is to produce good human beings that my kids will share this world with.

[dinoparty]

I agree completely. BTW, my wife is one of the few women I know who HATES watching Oprah. :) As a conservative and a Christian, I of course have great respect for stay-at-home mothers. It just wasn't the best decision for us.

[protest1]

The question is whether a woman is ~less~ of a single parent depending on how she got there?

And if placing the child in day care while she works to support that child an indication that she is a bad parent?

I would answer yes, she is a bad parent if it was her choice to be a single parent. The situation is then of her own making and her child or children suffer.

But as someone else pointed out I think most of the time we are talking about dual income families who chose to put young children into child care, better to look after your own children at home and have less of an income.

[Ninian Dryhope]

"Do you really think I ~knew~ it would be unhappy and volatile?"

If you didn't know, you should have known.

It is not like you were handed a slip of paper with a name on it and that was the person you had to marry.

You did have a choice, after all, and you knew what the stakes were.

[RMDupree]

I would answer yes, she is a bad parent if it was her choice to be a single parent.

So based on what you are saying, if an unmarried woman gets pregnant, she should have an abortion so the child won't suffer? What logic!

And as far as I know, no woman except the Blessed Mother ever got pregnant by herself. Where is the call for male responsibility?

[Ninian Dryhope]

"What amazing real-world advice you provide!"

What can I say? It's a gift.

[RMDupree]

If you didn't know, you should have known.

How? By checking the crystal marriage ball before exchanging vows?

[dinoparty]

Have you ever heard of spouses who develop mental illness? Or youthful misjudgment of someone's character? Please, will you show us all how to make 100% perfect decisions in life that never backfire? Jeesh...

[Ninian Dryhope]

Is that what your wife is like?

[RMDupree]

I'm telling ya, dino.

Unbelievable.

[Ninian Dryhope]

Well, since you are a lawyer, I doubt if you meet my definition of a couple suffering such financial hardship that the wife has to stick their baby into daycare in order for the family to eke out an existence.

[RMDupree]

Are you married, Ninian?

Do you have children?

[Ninian Dryhope]

"How?"

By dating them for a while and getting to know them well. The leopard does not change its spots.