Child guru says nurseries harm small children

The Sunday Times ^ | February 12, 2006 | Sian Griffiths

[tbird5]

The Sunday Times - Britain

The Sunday Times February 12, 2006

Child guru says nurseries harm small children Sian Griffiths ONE of the world’s most popular parenting gurus is to warn that placing children younger than three in nurseries risks damaging their development.

Steve Biddulph, whose books have sold more than 4m copies worldwide, says that instead of subsidising nurseries, which do a “second-rate” job, the government should put in place policies to enable mothers to stay at home with their babies.

The advice signals a reversal of views for Biddulph, an Australian with more than 20 years’ experience as a therapist, whose previous bestsellers include Raising Boys and Raising Girls.

In his new book Biddulph will admit he has changed his mind because of growing evidence of increased aggression, antisocial behaviour and other problems among children who have spent a large part of their infancy being cared for away from home.

He argues that such children may have problems developing close relationships later.

[pollyannaish]

Yep. Lord of the Flies.

[Snoopers-868th]

"No one seems to ask what a single mom is supposed to do?" That is easy. Don't be a single mom.

Ditto. Furthermore, there is no such thing as single mom. Either they are widowed, divorced or unwed. Politically correct speech = single mom.

[Ramius]

It's better avoid getting into an unhappy and volatile marriage in the first place.

Wow. What amazing real-world advice you provide!

[RMDupree]

What does it matter ~how~ they are single?

Isn't the end result the same?

[RMDupree]

~snicker~

I'm overwhelmed by his superior wisdom!

[RMDupree]

ROTFLMAO!

Most excellent, wolf!

[Osage Orange]

Agreed..........

[pollyannaish]

You know, Dinoparty, I hear this a lot and I am going to make a comment that I hope you will not take as criticism, but rather a perspective born of time and experience.

I stayed home with my children until they were both in school. (Now I get home when they do.) Staying home with them is the single most difficult thing I have ever done. I am not a baby person, or a "little kid" person by nature. It was exhausting, isolating, sometimes otherworldly. I got stir crazy and sometimes looked at my days and longed for a time when "I got something accomplished" in an organized and linear way. I got lonely sometimes. I missed adult interaction, the opportunity to "speak in complete adult sentences." I did volunteer work and ran a business from my home at night...did I mention I was exhausted? My husband was exhausted as well. He sometimes felt lonely and on the outside looking in. He missed what we had before the kids came a long. He worked long, difficult hours and still made time for the family. It was HARD, HARD work.

We were also "poor" in material things. It was rugged financially. There were days when we paid for the necessities out of the change we could find in the sofa cushions. Made deals with the electric company or the water providers to "can you wait one more week before you turn it off." Fortunately, we have a generous extended family who gave us enormous support, but they are not rich either, so it's not like "daddy paid our way." But I don't want to minimize the enormity of their contribution, because I feel so much gratitude.

The point is this: it was a VERY small part of the total of my life. It was only 10 years. TEN years. With God's grace, perhaps 1/8th of my life. Ten years of sacrifice of "how I feel" or "what I want" for a lifetime of success and happiness and health of my children. While at the time it seemed huge and never ending, it seems like so little and so short now. I remember it with such love and affection. I miss it in theory, although probably not so much in actuality.

We are fortunate to have children who, while not perfect by any measure, are polite, thoughtful, empathetic and not prone to peer pressure. Those are difficult character traits to develop in daycare or nursery school.

My husband and I KNOW them as well as any other human being on earth. We know their weaknesses and their strengths. We've learned to face and accept our own weakness and strengths and work to make progress.

Most of all, we've come to understand that our children are our greatest task, and our only lasting contribution to this world. I want to know, even if things do not turn out the way I hope and pray, that I did everything in my power to make that legacy something that makes the world a better place for YOUR children, as well as my own.

So, I'm going to disagree with you and say that you are denying yourself the greatest opportunity in life. You are making an excuse. Nothing harms a child more, than believing that his parents "feelings" and "comfort" are more important than his well being. I realize it is harsh. But I don't say that because of some sort of cold perfectionist driven ideal. I say it because I want you to know that satisfaction may not be what you feel while you are going through something, but what you feel when the task is completed.

I wish you every success, and all the happiness in the world. And your son as well.

[nmh]

"LOL, you haven't met my smiling boy."

Don't want to either!

"Baby prison" is cruel.

[Snoopers-868th]

What does it matter ~how~ they are single? Isn't the end result the same?

yea, yea, everything has to be through rose-colored glasses today because we can't take responsibility for our situation.

[RMDupree]

There is absolutely nothing rose-colored about being a single parent. Regardless of how it happened.

And I have taken responsibility for my situation by working hard and making sacrifices.

I certainly do not need or would ever want any type of help from someone as condescending as you.

There are much better people out there who don't sit upon their pedestal pooh-poohing the troubles of others by saying they've brought it upon themselves.

[Snoopers-868th]

Makes no difference to me what the situation is. Acceptance of liberal politically correct speech such as single mom to describe a divorcee, a widowed woman or an unwed mother is condesending and ignores by sidestepping the facts.

[RMDupree]

But you have yet to explain how it makes any difference.

Is a woman ~less~ of a single mother by being a divorcee rather than a widow?

Is an unwed mother solely to blame for her situation?

[ClaireSolt]

What I said was true. If you are saying that there might be other policies with the same goal, that is something different.

[Snoopers-868th]

But you have yet to explain how it makes any difference. Is a woman ~less~ of a single mother by being a divorcee rather than a widow? Is an unwed mother solely to blame for her situation?

Liberal thought = politically correct speech = difference between liberal and conservative and expectations. What are you so offended by and ticks you off about honestly addressing the facts? Political speech is done for a purpose--excuses.

[tillacum]

Day care centers were very popular in Mother Russia when it was the USSR. Our vast left wing group foisted the day care on an unsuspecting population of women working outside their homes as a great idea. Day care center availability and high taxes have American women working outside the home in record numbers, plus the left's constant publishing of "working women", as opposed to mothers who keep a happy home for children and husband.

[RMDupree]

Again, you go round and round by saying that the term "single mother" is an example of political correctness.


Let's try it again:

The question is whether a woman is ~less~ of a single parent depending on how she got there?

And if placing the child in day care while she works to support that child an indication that she is a bad parent?

[Popman]

Mind if I incorporate that in my description of them.

As long as you sign the limited license agreement? Just kidding. Go right ahead.

The similarities really are striking between the two: Prisons and daycare centers.

[T. Buzzard Trueblood]

instead of subsidising nurseries, which do a “second-rate” job, the government should put in place policies to enable mothers to stay at home with their babies.

Or better yet, cut Mom & Dad's taxes so that both don't have to work.