Posted on 01/08/2006 2:24:03 PM PST by Lorianne
It is 25 years since Terry Hekker hailed the housewife, now in a landmark decision the acclaimed author has rejected her past saying she was wrong
Terry Hekker wrote a book in 1980 that made her famous. Ever Since Adam & Eve was a passionate defence of her decision to eschew a career and spend her life as a wife and a mother.
Coming at the end of the Seventies, when feminism was enjoying a renaissance and the career woman was emerging from behind the cooker, Hekker became a celebrated poster child for more old-fashioned values. She wanted her job choice of 'homemaker' to be considered as valid as those of up-and-coming women bankers, bosses and company directors.
Today, Hekker told The Observer, she is planning a follow-up book. Its working, albeit jokey, title is bluntly honest: Disregard First Book. For her life did not turn out as she planned, and she now believes her decision to become a housewife and homemaker should serve as a warning for young American women. 'My anachronistic book was written while I was in a successful marriage that I expected would go on forever. Sadly, it now has little relevance for modern women, except perhaps as a cautionary tale,' Hekker wrote last week as she announced her U-turn.
In a display of spectacular bad taste, Hekker's husband presented her with divorce papers on their 40th wedding anniversary and left her for a younger woman. The divorce left her facing an uncertain financial future, bereft of income and - after spending her adult life bringing up five children - lacking skills to make her attractive in the job market. Despite that, the judge in her divorce case suggested that - at 67 - she go for job training.
(Excerpt) Read more at guardian.co.uk ...
bump
**I agree. I feel my wife would be a much happier person learning a trade and contributing to society. If the whole marriage is based on me, the husband all the time then it is trouble when I act human - imperfect. Plus you never know what this world will bring, so not having these skills in world that now offers them to women is not shrewd. **
Have you been so kind as to share with your wife your opinion that she is not contributing to society as you expect from her? I would want to know if my husband felt I was not a worthy contribution to his society so that I could begin socking away money for the day when he walses out the door with a more worthy "contributing societial woman."
Also, have you let her know that you don't want to be the center of her attention and you would like for her to divert her atttention; as you would prefer for her to not see your "imperfections"? That is another hint that she should be packing away the dough for the day your "imperfections" have you walsing out the door with a woman who contributes to your socieity in a way that is worthy of your respect.
As for the third clue your wife needs to hear from "you never know what this world will bring..." Here you are forecasting that you are likely to ditch her for a more worthy, career woman in the future. If you die, I take it you have life insurance that will see her through the economic hardship. But I think that is not your plan and she should know who you are as soon as possible.
Anyone can add keywords, not just the thread poster.
"Not to mention the waist is a bit larger, the boobs are sagging a bit, the buns aren't as tight, and the hair color isn't natural. LOL"
LOL.
Donna Reed fixed meals; but she was not a porn queen sex symbol in "three inch heels." That has never been the conservative or traditional view of women. That is a femenazi myth designed to degrade housewives. You bought it.
"Oh my gosh - I saw a woman about 50 with an old, old hunched over man come into the resturant. I thought it was his daughter taking her old dad to dinner and marveled at her patience as it took him forever to shuffle to the table next to us with his walker. Easedropping...I realized it was his wife; not his daughter. I said to myself, she must be a trophy sitting with her booby prize. LOL
"
This is the "prize" that young trophy wives get.
It's just a matter of how patient will they be when their man gets to this point?
Is the payoff worth it?
By the time her sugar daddy croaks - she will be past her "trophy" phase to snag another one.
Huh?!?
"If I weren't contributing to the household financially, you'd better believe I'd clean like no one's business and have a hot meal on the table every night."
Easier said than done.
We all think these things until we actually have 5 children underfoot - undoing everything we've just done.
We don't have any kids - have been married less than four months - so I don't have that excuse. :)
**Not to mention the waist is a bit larger, the boobs are sagging a bit, the buns aren't as tight, and the hair color isn't natural. LOL**
Now you sound like the male bashers you are angry with. YOu are not your body; your value is not your big belly and your sagging boobs to anyone worth working for in the marketplace. I am shocked that you would even describe yourself in such degrading terms.
"Before I die,
I would like to experience what it would be like to be a 'Stayathome' anything. "
Like anything else - it has its pros and cons.
The good thing is...if you don't have time to shower in the morning - not too many people are going to notice.
OOhhhhhhHHhhh, I like that!
Same with brushing your teeth or combing your hair too, huh?
Dang, I'd look like a bag lady inside a week ;)
There are a legion of women out there begging to be housewives. Why do you think so many women are out there chasing doctors, lawyers, Hugh Hefner, NFL players, etc. If they get a rich husband, then they don't have to go to the office every day. They can stay home and raise little Johnnie and Susie until they hit day care, and then hit the malls, tanning booths, country clubs, etc.
If I was going to beg for a certain type of woman, I really am not sure what I would beg for.
parsy, the uncertain.
"We don't have any kids - have been married less than four months - so I don't have that excuse. :)"
Don't get me wrong! I wasn't trying to be witchy.
I used to tell myself the exact same thing.
Sometimes I do manage to get a good meal out there ...on the days when the kids are being good!
"OOhhhhhhHHhhh, I like that!
Same with brushing your teeth or combing your hair too, huh?
Dang, I'd look like a bag lady inside a week ;)"
hee hee!
There's been days I could pass as one!
Especially when the flu goes through the family and I'm "on call" 24 hrs at a time. Oh boy - things can get pretty ripe.
Oh yea... let me tell you about a woman I know who married a porn addict in order to avoid lonliness. He looked at her as a f@@k doll and when that wore off, he "progressed" to sexual torture. She is still with him!
The problem is that when you are a stay at home mom, the big thing to remember is that you are a mom. Most of my time is taken up by taking kids to/from school and other activities. Helping kids with homework. Setting up playdates with friends. Taking care of sick kids. Taking kids to the dentist, doctors, orthodontist, hair cuts, etc.
Also, several times a week, my husband and I meet for lunch.
I literally only have a few hours a week for housework. Today, is the first day in weeks that I have had time at home. Last week, I spent the week getting my car fixed after someone broke into it. Today, I'm getting some things done, but I am actually relaxing. I haven't been able to much the past month.
Some folks are twisted and stay for twisted reasons. Fear of being alone will make people do strange things. You can't place all your value on how someone else views you.
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