America's model housewife turns feminist as husband abandons her

Guardian Unlimited ^ | January 8, 2006 | Paul Harris

[Lorianne]

It is 25 years since Terry Hekker hailed the housewife, now in a landmark decision the acclaimed author has rejected her past saying she was wrong

Terry Hekker wrote a book in 1980 that made her famous. Ever Since Adam & Eve was a passionate defence of her decision to eschew a career and spend her life as a wife and a mother.

Coming at the end of the Seventies, when feminism was enjoying a renaissance and the career woman was emerging from behind the cooker, Hekker became a celebrated poster child for more old-fashioned values. She wanted her job choice of 'homemaker' to be considered as valid as those of up-and-coming women bankers, bosses and company directors.

Today, Hekker told The Observer, she is planning a follow-up book. Its working, albeit jokey, title is bluntly honest: Disregard First Book. For her life did not turn out as she planned, and she now believes her decision to become a housewife and homemaker should serve as a warning for young American women. 'My anachronistic book was written while I was in a successful marriage that I expected would go on forever. Sadly, it now has little relevance for modern women, except perhaps as a cautionary tale,' Hekker wrote last week as she announced her U-turn.

In a display of spectacular bad taste, Hekker's husband presented her with divorce papers on their 40th wedding anniversary and left her for a younger woman. The divorce left her facing an uncertain financial future, bereft of income and - after spending her adult life bringing up five children - lacking skills to make her attractive in the job market. Despite that, the judge in her divorce case suggested that - at 67 - she go for job training.

[gogeo]

Whoa. Start chasing the clues.
You have only heard her side of the story.

Much less from a reporter?

Notice not nary a word of her own problems.

Very true. Most folks are filling in the blanks with their own experiences...and there are a lot of blanks.

[linda_22003]

That applies to a LOT of topics here, for me! :)

[HairOfTheDog]

I simply can't imagine this board attracting ANY women voters sitting on the fence.

And that's my fear as well.

What shall we call this list?

[luckystarmom]

What surprises me is the number of young conservative men that are so against marriage. I'm sure these men have no problem sleeping with women outside of marriage also.

If that is what young men think, what young woman would want to marry them.

I worry about the whole structure of our family in the future.

[gogeo]

Excellent post!

[luckystarmom]

I was the first (and last) conservative that my husband ever dated.

[Scotswife]

"If her husband did in fact leave her after 40 years of marriage for a younger women, I hope the guy croaks from the guilt and his new 'wife' screws him out of every last cent. It would be karmic justice, IMO. "

The new wife will be living with a quickly aging man. It won't be long and she will be dealing with his health problems and will be responsible for taking care of him when he finds it difficult to care for himself.
Because this woman has less emotional investment in this it is highly likely she will be the type to place him in a nursing home while she enjoys the fruits of his lifelong labor.

This guy better pray he enjoys good health for a long time.

[Americanexpat]

There are always 3 sides to a divorce, his, hers and the truth.

---

Now that is the smartest thing I have read on this thread so far.

[Galveston Grl]

You can put me on your list.

[luckystarmom]

Look at Mary Maitlin (sp?) and Carville.

[luckystarmom]

Maybe we need to have a ping list of good conservative women to fight off the women bashing threads.

[hinckley buzzard]

As far as this article goes, I doubt that she is 'bereft of money' after 40 years of marriage. She not only gets half of the property, but a hefty alimony if she did not work for 40 years.

Thank you for injecting some common sense reality into this peculiar thread. The "article" is just a publicity release to hype a book, not genuine news.

[Campion]

one thing we do know around FR, is that the women bashers will come out against any woman whether she is portrayed as the victim or the one who destroyed the marriage.

There are plenty of sources around for the "men are the root of all evil, not to mention stupid, insensitive, and -- oh, yeah -- evil" point of view.

(Andrea Dworkin, call your office.)

I'm pretty sick of both variations. Neither one is particularly helpful, IMO.

[HairOfTheDog]

Heh... Well I'll at least ping you and the other women I know if I see 'crap' that needs dealt with. :~D

I'm not sure as women we'd always agree on all the tenets of conservative womanhood, but I think we all know a woman-bashing jerk when we see one.

[luckystarmom]

Yep, there are a lot of young men that expect their wives to work. I am trying to make sure my kids understand that it is good for the women to stay home with little kids.

I felt very proud a few months ago. My 9 year old daughter said that she wanted to go to college and then work. Then she wanted to stay at home like me.