[jjm2111]

What makes this especially funny is the following:"Explanations of these events:
a) I did myself, and either got in trouble or commended. (I had a Major shake my hand for the piss bottle thing, for instance.)
b) I witnessed another soldier do it. (Like the Sergeant we had, that basically went insane, and crucified some dead mice.)
c) Was spontaneously informed I was not allowed to do. (Like start a porn studio.)
d) Was the result of a clarification of the above. (“What about especially patriotic porn?”)
e) I was just minding my own business, when something happened. (“Schwarz...what is *that*?” said the Sgt, as he pointed to the back of my car? "Um....a rubber sheep...I can explain why that's there....")

I especially liked:"Can't have flashbacks to wars I was not in. (The Spanish-American War isn't over). " There was a guy in Kuwait who did this. He was in his mid-twenties and prented that he was in Vietnam. His 'flashbacks' were hilarious. Unfortunately, a fair share of people, including some senior officers took him seriously."

-And-

"The MP checkpoint is not an Imperial Stormtrooper roadblock, so I should not tell them "You don't need to see my identification, these are not the droids you are looking for." I confess I did this one in Kuwait.

[Army Air Corps]

These were good:

"20. Must not taunt the French any more.

21. Must attempt to not antagonize SAS.

22. Must never call an SAS a “Wanker”."

[SFC Chromey]

Too funny...people at work looking at me wondering why I'm laughing so hard!