Posted on 10/17/2005 7:21:55 AM PDT by Millee
Brother Kenneth Hoagland had heard all the stories about prom-night debauchery at his Long Island high school: students putting down $10,000 to rent a party house in the Hamptons; pre-prom cocktail parties followed by a trip to the dance in a liquor-loaded limo; fathers chartering a boat for their children's late-night "booze cruise."
Enough was enough, Hoagland said. So the principal of Kellenberg Memorial High School canceled the spring prom in a 2,000- word letter to parents.
"It is not primarily the sex/booze/drugs that surround this event, as problematic as they might be; it is, rather, the flaunting of affluence, assuming exaggerated expenses, a pursuit of vanity for vanity's sake - in a word, financial decadence," Hoagland said, fed up with what he called the "bacchanalian aspects."
"Each year, it gets worse - becomes more exaggerated, more expensive, more emotionally traumatic," he added. "We are withdrawing from the battle and allowing the parents full responsibility. (The school) is willing to sponsor a prom but not an orgy."
The move brought a mixed, albeit passionate, reaction from students and parents at the Roman Catholic school, which is owned by the Society of Mary (Marianists), a religious order of priests and brothers.
"I don't think it's fair, obviously, that they canceled prom," said senior Alyssa Johnson of Westbury. "There are problems with the prom, but I don't think their reasons or the actions they took solved anything."
Hoagland began talking about the future of the prom last spring after 46 Kellenberg seniors made a $10,000 down payment on a $20,000 rental in the Hamptons for a post-prom party. When school officials found out, they forced the students to cancel the deal; the kids got their money back, and the prom went on as planned. But some parents went ahead and rented a Hamptons house anyway, Hoagland said.
Amy Best, an associate professor of sociology and anthropology at George Mason University in Virginia and the author of "Prom Night: Youth, Schools and Popular Culture," said this is the first time she has heard of a school canceling the prom for such reasons.
"A lot of people have lamented the growing consumption that surrounds the prom," she said, noting it is not uncommon for students to pay $1,000 on the dance and surrounding costs: expensive dresses, tuxedo rentals, flowers, limousines, pre- and post-prom parties.
Edward Lawson, the father of a Kellenberg senior, said he and other parents are discussing whether to organize a prom without the sponsorship of the 2,500- student school.
"I don't think they have a right to judge what goes on after the prom," he said. "They put everybody in the category of drinkers and drug addicts."
Some parents picking up their children on a recent afternoon said they support Hoagland.
"The school has excellent values," said Margaret Cameron of Plainview, N.Y. "We send our children here because we support the values and the administration of the school, and I totally back everything they do."
And then when Natalee Halloway disappears in Aruba on a "class trip," at least the school didn't arrange the trip and therefore doesn't have to worry about accepting any responsibility.
Somewhere, Karl Marx must be smiling on this "Social Crusader". This guy's a joke.
September 15,2005 Dear Mrs.. . . . . I have received your letter concerning the Senior Prom (or lack thereof) at Kellenberg Memorial. I will give first some clarifications, then some explanations, and finally an overview of what we are really dealing with in our Long Island culture when we say "Senior Prom." You are correct - the school calendar does not indicate the date for a Senior Prom. It is not on our school calendar. KMHS is no longer sponsoring a senior prom. As your own letter suggests, if parents and/or seniors want a senior prom, they will have a prom, no matter what the administration says or does. In fact, that is precisely the reason why we are no longer sponsoring a senior prom - it is so much beyond our control that it is mere tokenism to put our name on it. Further, why assume moral and legal responsibility for something that has a life of its own independent of KMHS. So much for the clarification. What led to this decision? You are acquainted with the events of last May concerning the KMHS senior prom and its Hampton highlights. You received a letter outlining the situation and giving some history of what the prom has become. Below are some points that take up from last May and give some flashback on what has happened in previpus years. 1) In spite of our "expose" on the illegal and unjust and unsafe rental of "prom " houses in the Hamptons, nothing changed. The house was sold to another group, and other houses were engaged. Nothing changed. 2) Over the years parents have become more active in creating the "prom experience," from personally signing for houses for a three day drug/sex/alcohol bash, to mothers making motel reservations for their sons and daughters for after prom get-togethers, to fathers signing the contract for Captain Jim's booze-cruise out of Huntington for an after prom adventure. We have become convinced that some parents support this type of activity, some tolerate it, prefer not to see it, or dismiss it as part of growing up. Some have expressed the view that it is better to lose one's virginity and get drunk before going to college, so that parents can be around to help. You figure! 3) There are also pre-prom cocktail parties (real cocktails!) sponsored by parents. The limosine to the prom is also well stocked, often with parents' knowledge. Seniors often enter the limosine with a present from home, just in case they run short. 4) Each year it gets worse - becomes more exaggerated, more expensive, more emotionally traumatic. It would not have gotten this far if a significant portion of parents, either explicitly or tacitly, did not accept it or tolerate it. We are withdrawing from the battle and allowing the parents full responsibility. KMHS is willing to sponsor a prom, but not an orgy. 5) Then comes the rejoinder: yes, but why let a few spoil it for the rest! First of all, it is not just a few. Secondly, peer pressure and competition create an atmosphere where young people are drawn into this prom culture which forces them to act, spend, show off, take risks which they would not normally do. The prom culture is sick - from the hankering that starts in the freshman year (I have been looking forward to this for four years), to the preoccupation about dates, dress, competition that absorbs so much of the senior year. It isn't worth it on the mature scale of things. 6) Because of this hype many seniors admit later on that it was not all that they expected it to be. It was over-projected, lacked spontaneity, and became an expensive formal show. In the Christian community this is called "vanity," emptiness. It is one of the capital sins. 7) It is amazing to see how much effort has been made over the past twenty years to keep the prom from becoming an orgy, from raffling off a car at 6:OO AM (you have to be there to win it), to forcing them to stay till 6:OO AM, to putting the prom right before graduation (with the result that a number of seniors are still intoxicated or supremely hung-over at graduation). Why go to such outside exertions to keep something sane? If it constantly becomes such a problem, just drop it. What is so sacred about a prom? 8) One could use the argument which insurance personnel would advise, namely, why attach your name to something which is so prone to problems and over which you have little effective control. Good logic (and financial policy)! This argument becomes even more cogent, given the rise of a sue-happy population and a cadre of unscrupulous lawyers looking for deep pockets (KMHS has experienced both). However, KMHS is not liability-shy. We are willing to take on the risks for programs that hlfill our educational mission. The culture and practice of the senior prom on Long Island can no longer justify its place in our mission, not just in our liability. 9) Speaking of liability and the ease with which parents want to shift responsibility, we do have a prom story that involves all the negative aspects of current prom culture as well as a challenge to KMHS liability. Here is the story. A senior girl was going to the KMHS prom. After the prom she wanted to go with her prom party to "party" at the family's cottage on the Eastern end of Long Island. The mother said no. The girl secretly stole the key without her mother's knowledge and put it in her purse. Her older sister knew what was to happen at the cottage and did not want her sister to go to the cottage after the prom. So, she secretly removed the key from her sister's prom purse. The senior went to the prom with her prom party, confident that the key was in her purse. They left the prom at the end and were on their way to the East end of Long Island when all of a sudden she could not find the key. In a panic they returned to the locus of the prom (the KMHS prom had closed) to look for the key, which, she was sure, had fallen out of her purse. However, at the prom site were the remains of a raucous wedding celebration. Some members of her prom party got involved with some members of the wedding party. A fight ensued, well-fueled by you know what. The police were called but would not enter the establishment. The physical damage to one of the prom party was so bad that it required hospitalization. Guess what? The prom party wanted KMHS to pay for the damages, including the hospitalization, since "we did not provide adequate security for the prom party." Who needs this? 10) Some ask about a "compromise." What is there to compromise? Sanity, proportion, modesty, common sense? 11) Long Island, known in some circles as Wrong Island, is an alcohol culture. It starts early and never ends. Because of our affluence and arrogance everything has to be exaggerated - bigger, better, more, over the top. Our students do not learn how to drink socially. Their goal is to get roaring drunk as quickly as possible and boast about it the next day. The incidence of binge drinking is rising on college campuses. Long Island has more than its share of what is an American flaw - we eschew moderation. Here is the irony: we decided some years ago that a youth reached "majority" at eighteen years of age - for everything (marriage, contracts, etc.) except for drinking! He and she cag get married, buy a home, have a child, but legally cannot have a drink at their own wedding. Europe does not have that adolescent problem of drinking. Why can't we be moderate? 12) Aside from the bacchanalian aspects of the prom - alcohol/sex/drugs - there is a root problem for all this and it is affluence. Affluence changes people. Too much money is not good for the soul. Our young people have too much money. Sounds simple, but it is true. When Jesus said that it was very hard for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven, it shocked his hearers and it still shocks us. Wealth is powerful, not only in terms of possessions, but in being possessed by it. Wealth changes personalities, priorities, principles. The prom has become the occasion of conspicuous consumption - from dress, to limosines, to entertainment. 13) We do not wear our wealth well in Long Island, particularly as we are one of the wealthiest areas in the UnitedStates. Is our wealth corrupting us? The attached article describes the extravagance associated with "Sweet Sixteen" parties. Again, the competitive culture forces parents to throw a party for these middle adolescents which many cannot afford and those who can should not afford. What are we teaching our children? And then we come to the wedding! Fifty to one hundred thousand dollars is not rare. And to what end? Vanity of vanities and all is vanity, say the Scriptures. 14) Some may say: it is my money; I can do what I want with it. Well, yes, you can, but not without moral repercussions. And now we come to the heart of the matter. It is not primarily the sex/booze/dmgs that surround this event, as problematic as they might be; it is rather the flaunting of affluence, assuming exaggerated expenses, a pursuit of vanity for vanity's sake - in a word, financial decadence. But it is my money, I can do what I want with it. Yes, but not without moral repercussions. 15) Wealth is a wonderful thing. It is a sharing in the fmits of God's creation. Becoming a millionaire can be a spiritually enriching experience, provided you answer two questions correctly: how did you get it, and what are you doing with it. Was it gotten at the expense a God, family, integrity, by shady deals, corporate `conspiracy, taking unfair advantage? And what are you doing with it (and what has it done to you and your family)? 16) I do not intend here to give a treatise on the capital sin of avarice or greed. Suffice it to recall St. Paul's words: the lust for money is the root of all evil. How true! But we are concerned about how our young people are being educated in the use of wealth and the experience of power that wealth gives. A great deal of their future happiness or unhappiness, both human and spiritual, will be determined by their interaction with wealth or the desire for it. Most people think of sex and murder when they hear the word morality. But there is a morality of money. The bad use of money or wealth in any form is immoral. Finally, we have begun (only) to become conscious of how we use our natural resources. There can be (and often has been) an immoral use of land, water, wildlife, and natural elements. Our Lordship over all creation is not without moral consequences. As with time, so with wealth - we will be called to account for how we have used them. The current culture of the prom on Long Island does not represent to us a proper Christian use of wealth. P 17) A school establishes its academic profile to fit the goals for which the school is founded. The academic profile is complemented by an activity profile. It is through these activities that adolescents learn skills that the academic profile does not give - such as self-reliance, cooperation, loyalty, affective relationships, social consciousness, personal performance, etc. For example, physical sports or athletics are introduced into the school program, not because we are in the entertainment business or because parents want to relive their adolescence through their own children, or because the administration is a bunch of frustrated all-Americans, but because these activities, natural to adolescents, can be a powerful vehicle for attaining the affective goals of the school. The athletic activity itself, like the senior prom, is prone to distortion. Sometimes the sport itself degenerates into a physical activity that has little to do with education. And sometimes the legitimate athletic activity is distorted through its use by coaches, parents, or school administration. The conduct of the sport is no longer governed by the educational needs of the students, but by the ego-needs of the adults. Such was our experience with hockey. After repeated attempts, we admitted defeat on two counts: the sport itself kept degenerating into physical mayhem, while the parental role and conduct of the parents was primitive. It no longer was a fit vehicle for the educational goals of the school. And so, KMHS no longer sponsored a hockey program. Hockey still exists and a number of KMHS students may play hockey, but we do not consider it a proper vehicle for education. 18) So, too, with the senior prom. We have come to the conclusion that it has a life of its own which is no longer commensurate with the goals of Christian education. And so we dropped sponsoring it. We eliminated it from our roster of activities (as we did with hockey). Senior drinking parties will continue; three day bashes will continue in the Hamptons; parents will continue to organize all these activities; a great deal of money will be spent. The only difference is that Kellenberg Memorial High School will not be part of that scene. That's all! Father Philip K. Eichner, S.M. President, KMHS Principal, KMHS Brother Kenneth M. Hoagland, S.M.
What can he do about the sex/drugs/booze after the prom?
Not much.
What can he do about the escalating expenses and showing off?
Plenty.
And he did.
I understand your point. It reads as though the principal has a bigger problem with the display of wealth. Perhaps he doesn't want to be seen as a "stick in the mud" as much as a liberal. Nevertheless, cudos for his nerve to cancel and stand up to the irate parents.
It's not just the prom. My daughter's plans for this weekend's homecoming dance were getting so out of control we had to put our foot (feet?) down and draw some boundaries.
It's homecoming, for heaven's sake, not her wedding day. She's trying to make it into something out of a fairy tale.
there he said it, exactly what i thought the sentiment was behind the cancellation.
Read the letters for the full story. You should know better than to believe in the Associated Press...
I am sorry that you disagree but I'm well acquainted with Kellenberg High and I agree with the priest.
I'm there now. It's no picnic, but the long-term reward will be there. Someday. :-)
The real reason is that they hope to purchase their child's love and respect -- like they purchase everything else.
Yes, you're right, but do you really want to go out of your way to put yourself (or your kids) in that environment? At least at the local public school the kids didn't drive better cars than the teachers!
I was wondering if it was the legal responsibility aspect -
"What kind of parents would actually encourage and sponsor such activities, especially for their daughters? Someday perhaps I'll meet one and ask in utter disbelief."
Very wealthy, uninvolved, happless, nieve parents raising "nanny key" kids that are familiar with competing in social circles of lavish lifestyles in the arena of Snootville.
That was my experience, too. Unfortunately HS was a purgatory for me partly because my folks didn't have a lot of money.
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