Posted on 10/17/2005 7:21:55 AM PDT by Millee
Brother Kenneth Hoagland had heard all the stories about prom-night debauchery at his Long Island high school: students putting down $10,000 to rent a party house in the Hamptons; pre-prom cocktail parties followed by a trip to the dance in a liquor-loaded limo; fathers chartering a boat for their children's late-night "booze cruise."
Enough was enough, Hoagland said. So the principal of Kellenberg Memorial High School canceled the spring prom in a 2,000- word letter to parents.
"It is not primarily the sex/booze/drugs that surround this event, as problematic as they might be; it is, rather, the flaunting of affluence, assuming exaggerated expenses, a pursuit of vanity for vanity's sake - in a word, financial decadence," Hoagland said, fed up with what he called the "bacchanalian aspects."
"Each year, it gets worse - becomes more exaggerated, more expensive, more emotionally traumatic," he added. "We are withdrawing from the battle and allowing the parents full responsibility. (The school) is willing to sponsor a prom but not an orgy."
The move brought a mixed, albeit passionate, reaction from students and parents at the Roman Catholic school, which is owned by the Society of Mary (Marianists), a religious order of priests and brothers.
"I don't think it's fair, obviously, that they canceled prom," said senior Alyssa Johnson of Westbury. "There are problems with the prom, but I don't think their reasons or the actions they took solved anything."
Hoagland began talking about the future of the prom last spring after 46 Kellenberg seniors made a $10,000 down payment on a $20,000 rental in the Hamptons for a post-prom party. When school officials found out, they forced the students to cancel the deal; the kids got their money back, and the prom went on as planned. But some parents went ahead and rented a Hamptons house anyway, Hoagland said.
Amy Best, an associate professor of sociology and anthropology at George Mason University in Virginia and the author of "Prom Night: Youth, Schools and Popular Culture," said this is the first time she has heard of a school canceling the prom for such reasons.
"A lot of people have lamented the growing consumption that surrounds the prom," she said, noting it is not uncommon for students to pay $1,000 on the dance and surrounding costs: expensive dresses, tuxedo rentals, flowers, limousines, pre- and post-prom parties.
Edward Lawson, the father of a Kellenberg senior, said he and other parents are discussing whether to organize a prom without the sponsorship of the 2,500- student school.
"I don't think they have a right to judge what goes on after the prom," he said. "They put everybody in the category of drinkers and drug addicts."
Some parents picking up their children on a recent afternoon said they support Hoagland.
"The school has excellent values," said Margaret Cameron of Plainview, N.Y. "We send our children here because we support the values and the administration of the school, and I totally back everything they do."
I went to a public high school in Yonkers (which at the time was 99% white) and drug use, promiscuity and vandalism was rampant, and educational standards were pathetic.
I also attended a Catholic school in the Bronx which was about a third "minority", and the worst I can say is that there was moderate alcohol abuse. The education was far superior, behavior and motivation was much better.
It was night and day.
>i think that someone who gives a wink-wink nod-nod to sinfulbehavior whilst complaining about what someone does with their money IS a jerk. <
You are entitled to your opinion but you have a reading comprehension problem.He said the sex/booze/drugs were not the primary(read only)problem.
"It is not primarily the sex/booze/drugs that surround this event, as problematic as they might be; it is, rather, the flaunting of affluence, assuming exaggerated expenses, a pursuit of vanity for vanity's sake - in a word, financial decadence," Hoagland said, fed up with what he called the "bacchanalian aspects."
He made it very clear that the problem was vanity for vanity's sake.This is the belief you are your on God.(origional sin)Once self becomes the focus all other sins including sex and drugs follow.
How about a nice boozing trip to Aruba for the young 'uns? One where the "chaperones" say they are only along to take care of the travel arrangements. I hear they turn out well. (These pathetic excuses for parents who want to be a buddy of their spoiled teens deserve what will be coming to them in the future.)
Total cost of my prom - $125.
Total experience for my date - priceless.
Oh, the horror! You're such a mean and negligent parent. Think of all the money your child will have to spend on therapy due to you not thinking about the all-important prom.
2) Over the years parents have become more active in creating the “prom experience,” from personally signing for houses for a three day drug/sex/alcohol bash, to mothers making motel reservations for their sons and daughters for after prom get-togethers, to fathers signing the contract for Captain Jim’s booze-cruise out of Huntington for an after prom adventure..... Some have expressed the view that it is better to lose one’s virginity and get drunk before going to college, so that parents can be around to help. You figure!
If these were a lower income parents they would be hauled into court for corruption of a minor and thrown in jail!
$20,000 for the house. At 46 students, that's only $400+ each. A lot of people spend a lot more than that at prom.
Yay for Brother Kenneth. I hope this is the beginning of a ground swell.
The "affluence" he cites includes the decadence of sex/booze/drugs, but it also addresses a major point that affects other people regardless of those concerns -- the pressure that "other" students feel when they see their friends spending exorbitant amounts of money on all that prom-related nonsense.
Catholic schools have long insisted on school uniforms isn't just for disciplinary purposes, but to eliminate much of the distraction associated with peer pressure when kids dress individually.
"Students or parents want to spend a thousand dollars on photos that would make anyone cringe in a few years"
I think the goal for the parents is competition as to who can spend more on their kid. To them its just a reflection of their own wealth. They don't really care about the kid at all.
Interestingly, in canceling the prom the principal really seems to sending a message to the parents, not the students (or perhaps teaching the students a lesson by admonishing the parents).
I don't think $20,000 will buy a good enough assassin to take out Mugabe so the children there will stop starving.
I read it. Still, the notion of spending lots of money on the kids, even obscene amounts of money, to me, is the least of the problems here.
"How about a nice boozing trip to Aruba for the young 'uns?"
Yup. That's the first thing I thought about the whole Natalee Holloway story too. A lot of people have more money than brains.
I don't doubt it, however, your experience was far different from mine. My mother struggled to put me through an expensive Catholic school in Central New Jersey. I don't know why she was so afraid of the public schools there, because they're really not that bad. We hardly lived in a ghetto neighborhood.
Anyway, I couldn't believe the drug use, boozing and promiscuity (including in the school, during the school day!) that went on, mostly by rich kids with nothing better to do. And the administration mostly looked the other way, especially for the football team, since our Vice Principal was also the coach. Our prestiguous institution was also graced by someone who pitched for a short while with the Minnesota Twins. He failed out of one of the worst schools in the county, but, of course, he had a fastball in the mid-90's, so he didn't have to pass the entry requirements like the rest of us suckers.
Never mind the elitism from kids who never worked a day in their lives. And I thought the materialism at public schools was out of control!
Of course, that was just my experience, but it was enough to convince me to never put my kids through one of them.
The principle cannot do anything about the after hours parties and what happens there. He doesn't seem happy about it, rather resigned.
What he can do something about is the huge direct expenses associated with the dance.
He isn't "OK" with the sex/drugs/booze aspect of it, nothing even implies that he is.
I'm glad you won't be hard on him; he's in a tough situation and I'd like to support him in returning some sanity to proms.
>Give this guy the "PARENT OF THE YEAR AWARD" for this stupid statement. Surely, sending your son/daughter to a religous school might entail judgment of your behaviour, duh. ,
This is why my kids went to a covenant Christian School.At least one parent was required to be a Christian with a testimony more than my parents and their parents were...
Parents and kids both understand that conduct outside the school that was counter to values of the school would result in discipline up to and including expulsion by the head master.
March 2005 Dear Parents, The time has come! For many years the idea and practice of a "Senior Prom" has gripped the imagination and expectation of every high school Senior. Originally, a college concept and ritual, it gradually filtered down to secondary schools, where in addition to a high school Senior Prom, there grew up a parallel Junior Prom. And from place to place you will even see an "Eighth Grade Prom." One good turn deserves another! But all is not fine in Prom Land. What started out as a formal Senior dance has become a recreational institution that has taken a life of its own. It has expanded in time and money, but more importantly, it has taken on a sophistication that is far from what is expected in a Christian educational institution. This change has been going on for a number of years. It has accelerated significantly over the past ten years, to the point where it is no longer even marginally compatible with Kellenberg Memorial's philosophy of Christian education. In fact, we consider the current practice of the Senior Prom as practiced to be antithetic to what we are about. What are the objections? We have to be frank, and not speak in abstract terms only. Here is our experience. #1) What was a single dance has become an exaggerated rite of passage that verges on decadence. #2) Its cost is out of bounds - the least expensive is the bid - dress, limo, after-prom activities - often add up to over a $1,000.00. #3) It goes without saying that alcohol has always been a factor in the "Prom Experience," often characterized by a post-prom "Booze Cruise" or a bar in the limo, etc. -1- This "rite of passage" also includes sex. Common parlance tells us that this is the time to lose one's virginity (if it hadn't occurred before). It is a time of heightened sexuality in a culture of anything goes. You are all acquainted with the sexual climate in which we live. Recently we had a nationally recognized speaker present to our student body the real consequences of adolescent promiscuity - pregnancy, a variety of sexually transmitted diseases, etc. The prom has become a sexual focal point. This is supposed to be a dance, not a honeymoon. Peer pressure is always present in an adolescent society, but it reaches its apogee in "Prom Mania." Who can top whom? What outrageous experiences can we boast about later? Who can outdo whom in dress, expense, behavior - adolescents need no encouragement in this area. This extravaganza verging on decadence is magnified by the ages involved. Many of these "Seniors" are under eighteen years of age. Their dates, both male and female, are often Juniors, frequently Sophomores, and occasionally Freshman. The current Prom culture is really out of their league. [At this juncture, I would recommend that you would investigate an `American classic' that appeared in 1999. The title of the film is "American Pie." It is almost a cult film, like "Animal House" before it. The plot features four male teenagers who make a pact to lose their virginity before graduation, and the locus is the Senior Prom. I would venture to say that all our Senior class has seen it. Like "Animal House," which had an enormous impact on college dorm life, "American Pie" is a good example of nature imitating art - adolescent culture being formed and led by the media. If you hesitate to rent the film (which I do not recommend), you can get a fairly good idea by typing in "American Pie" on the Internet. You will get dozens of links. A particular critique of the film from the moral point of view can be gotten by: http://www.plu~~edinonline.com/movies/movies/aOOOO453.cfm.] Is there anything that has precipitated this concern at this time? Yes, there is. We have in hand a signed contract for the rental of a residential house in Southampton. The details of this lease are as follows: #1) It is a residential house in a residential area. The owner is leasing it for sixty persons. #2) The time of lease is from early Saturday morning to noon on Sunday, approximately thirty-six hours. -2- The cost is $300.00 per student plus $100.00 for "security," a total of $400.00 per student. No food or amenities are provided by the owner for the cost. A down payment of $10,000.00 has already been made, with the following amount of $10,000.00 to be paid by April 1 st. It seems that the total amount of money for the rental of this house is $20,000.00. There is no indication anywhere that there is any type of supervision. Nor is there any indication of responsibility for liability. Forty-six Seniors have already paid their down payment for this one particular "house." They have received no rules or guidelines for these thirty-six hours. We are informed that there are other houses in the Southampton area that are rented under similar conditions. What strikes us as a school staff in reviewing this data? A) The cost is outrageous - the owner stands to gain almost $20,000.00 for a thirtysix hour rental. Quite a deal! It takes advantage of our students. B) There is no indication of any type of supervision for this group of students, the majority of whom are under the age of eighteen. The students received no statement concerning the parameters of their conduct during this time. Conversations with the students involved indicate that they received no parameters and certainly expected alcohol to be present. C) The signed rental agreement was just that - a rental agreement. It did not express any liability for the welfare of these students. D) The parents received no written notification of what was transpiring during this time. Nor did they know to what extent there was going to be any supervision. Also, how do you supervise fifty or sixty students in one house for thirty-six hours? We emphasize the question of liability because of our experience in the past. The Prom is a school related event. Where does the Prom begin and end? The lines are not clear. It is difficult enough to keep alcohol out of the limousines and out of the Prom itself without assuming any responsibility for after-Prom activities. What to do? -3 - The Administration of Kellenberg Memorial High School experienced this problem some years ago with the Junior Prom which had escalated to an enormous expense of money and super-sophistication for students who were even younger. We suppressed that Prom and substituted a Junior Ring Banquet. It still takes some effort to keep this from becoming an expensive extravaganza, but we have managed to do so. The easiest solution would be to suppress the Senior Prom altogether, starting next year. Another solution, one that has been taken by some public schools, is to schedule the Prom on the Friday before Graduation, thus limiting the extension of post-Prom activities. The change of that Prom date will definitely be instituted next year, 2006, if the Prom is kept at all. We have investigated changing the Prom date this year to the Friday before Graduation. That date was open for the caterer. However, because of deposits already made for limousine and transportation services, we decided to leave the arrangement as is this year, while we contemplate what to do for future years. At any event, Kellenberg Memorial High School does not want to be associated with or give support to the current Prom practice. By this letter we inform all the parents of what is going on, in case they are not aware of the details of Prom 2005, and by this letter we eschew any responsibility for post-Prom activities. Sincerely yours, Father Philip K. Eichner, S.M. President Brother Kenneth M. Hoagland, S.M. Principal Brother Richard J. Hughes, S.M. Assistant Principal for Academics Brother Roger A. Poletti, S.M. Assistant Principal for Activities Father Albert F. Bertoni, S.M. Assistant Principal for Guidance Mr. Kenneth Conrade Assistant Principal for School Personnel Miss Maria Korzekwinski Assistant Principal for Latin School Brother Ryan J. Sheehan, S.M. Director of Apostolic Activities Mrs. Marina Trentacoste Dean of Students Mr. Edward Solosky Dean of Men Mr. Edward J. Dunn Athletic Director -4-
My senior class had a trip to Hawaii, so my mom forced me to go. She said I might never get the chance again. Anyway it was this trip or the prom. I did not go to my prom and I really did not give it a second thought.
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