Posted on 06/24/2005 10:09:27 AM PDT by Constitutionalist Conservative
Unbridled obesity panic could soon put the Good Humor Man on ice in San Diego. A group of food scolds, commissioned by the city's Board of Supervisors, has drafted "strategies" for combating childhood obesity which, among many outlandish ideas, include "ordinances restricting mobile junk food vendors from areas frequented by children and youth." Such laws would "expressly apply to ice cream vendors."
It's not just the neighborhood ice cream guy who should be worried. On tap are truly galling calls for zoning restrictions on restaurants, "fat taxes," advertising bans, shutting down drive-thrus, and even absurd odor controls to make food less enticing.
Obesity hysteria manifested itself in the draft's consensus recommendation to "Make prevention and treatment of Childhood Obesity and other related diseases such as Type 2 Diabetes, our number one priority in the County, Health and Human Service Agency, and private/public collaboration with dedicated leadership, staffing and resources." [emphasis added] That priority comes at the expense of a consumer's ability to eat, as another consensus point would "Enact strict City and County zoning laws addressing the number of, construction of and conversion of fast food outlets and drive throughs, especially those around schools."
Ideas emanating from "experts" include "ordinances to limit access to fast food outlets and drive throughs during high school and junior high hours." This might mean you literally could not go to a local drive-thru for lunch if there's a school nearby. The "experts" also recommended classifying obesity as a "disease" and suggested that food makers control portion sizes to conform to government standards.
The draft report includes some far-out proposals from members of the community. Perhaps the most troubling idea would "change fast food's image to one of danger." Another strategy, apparently designed to prevent people from even thinking about food, would create odor-control ordinances to punish restaurants if the smell of their goods escaped their building. Then there was the idea -- going even further than Texas Agriculture Commissioner and self-titled "Food Czarina" Susan Combs' prohibition of students sharing gummy bears at school -- to ban "unhealthy" foods from even being brought to school. While some schools are concerned about checking for weapons, apparently San Diego wants to search kids' backpacks for Ho-Hos. Other ideas from the community include:
>>>Do they eat ice cream? Do they eat it behind closed doors? Are they closet ice cream eaters.<<<<
Junk Food Junkie
Larry Groce
You know I love that organic cooking
I always ask for more
And they call me Mr Natural
On down to the health food store
I only eat good sea salt
White sugar don't touch my lips
And my friends is always begging me
To take them on macrobiotic trips
Yes, they are
Oh, but at night I stake out my strong box
That I keep under lock and key
And I take it off to my closet
Where nobody else can see
I open that door so slowly
Take a peek up north and south
Then I pull out a Hostess Twinkie
And I pop it in my mouth
Yeah, in the daytime I'm Mr Natural
Just as healthy as I can be
But at night I'm a junk food junkie
Good lord have pity on me
Well, at lunchtime you can always find me
At the Whole Earth Vitamin Bar
Just sucking on my plain white yogurt
From my hand thrown pottery jar
And sippin' a little hand pressed cider
With a carrot stick for dessert
And wiping my face in a natural way
On the sleeve of my peasant shirt
Oh, yeah
Ah, but when that clock strikes midnight
And I'm all by myself
I work that combination on my secret hideaway shelf
And I pull out some Fritos corn chips
Dr Pepper and an ole Moon Pie
Then I sit back in glorious expectation
Of a genuine junk food high
Oh yeah, in the daytime I'm Mr Natural
Just as healthy as I can be
Oh, but at night I'm a junk food junkie
Good lord have pity on me
My friends down at the commune
They think I'm pretty neat
Oh, I don't know nothing about arts and crafts
But I give 'em all something to eat
I'm a friend to old Euell Gibbons
And I only eat home grown spice
I got a John Keats autographed Grecian urn
Filled up with my brown rice
Yes, I do
Oh, folks but lately I hae been spotted
With a Big Mac on my breath
Stumbling into a Colonel Sanders
With a face as white as death
I'm aftraid someday they'll find me
Just stretched out on my bed
With a handful of Pringles potato chips
And a Ding Dong by my head
In the daytime I'm Mr Natural
Just as healthy as I can be
But at night I'm a junk food junkie
Good lord have pity on me
Here in the Black Hills, the ice cream trucks play "Gary Owen", Custer's offical regimental song.
They're insane.
"There have been ice-cream trucks for a lot longer than there has been epidemic obesity"
Yes, and kids had to run around and hunt for returnable soda bottles or cut someone's grass (re: exercise) to EARN money with which to buy that ice cream. Now the little whinners hear the truck and put down their gameboys just long enough to beg mom or dad for a buck for the ice cream, then its back to the video game.
The fatties obese children are the ones who can't hear the ice cream truck coming, anyway. Their stereo headphones & the noise of their video games drowns it out.
Even if they did hear it, they wouldn't be able to huff & puff after it anyway.
The ones actually (gasp!) playing outside (what are their parents thinking, allowing such a thing as unstuporized play?!?) won't be hurt a bit by indulging.
Much more productive would be a ban on expressing stupid ideas in the City Council chamber. (Let alone enacting them into law.)
About time someone posted this one:
ICE CREAM MAN - VAN HALEN
(dedicate one to the ladies...)
Now summertimes here babe, need somethin to keep you cool
Ah now summertimes here babe, need somethin to keep you cool
Better look out now though, daves got somethin for you
Tell ya what it is
Im your ice cream man, stop me when Im passin by
Oh my my, Im your ice cream man, stop me when Im passin by
See now all my flavors are guaranteed to satisfy
Hold on a second baby
I got good lemonade, ah, dixie cups
All flavors and push ups too
Im your ice cream man, baby, stop me when Im passin by
See now all my flavors are guaranteed to satisfy
Hold on, one more
Well, Im usually passin by just about eleven oclock
Uh huh, I never stop, Im usually passin by, just around eleven oclock
And if you let me cool you one time, youll be my regular stop
All right boys
I got good lemonade, ah, dixie cups
All flavors and push ups too
Im your ice cream man, stop me when Im passin by
See now all my flavors are guaranteed to satisfy
Yes Im your ice cream man, stop me when Im passin by
Im your ice cream man, stop me when Im passin by
They say all my flavors are guaranteed to satisfy
Ah, one time
Im your ice cream man, stop me when Im passin by
Im your ice cream man, stop me when Im passin by
They say all my flavors are guaranteed to satisfy
One time, boys
Im your ice cream man
Im your ice cream man
B-b-b-b-b-b-b-baby
Ah my, my, my
All my flavors are guaranteed to satis-uh-fy
When food is outlawed...
Americans in general are disgustingly STUPID and DOCILE.
No, too high in cholesterol (though since it tastes bad, maybe that makes it okay with the food Nazis).
Is that a trademarked image? If not, I can think of a slight but apropos modification that would probably piss off the trademark of copyright owner if there were one.
In the UK it is Teddy Bears Picnic
Don't you have a milk man in the US anymore we have lost the bread man but we still have a milkman with our funny electric floats
I love that turn of phrase. Prunes one and all. (If there is anyone in this country that believes that Ice Cream in large quantities is good for you...I'm pretty sure this isn't going to help them.)
They are gone from where I live (West Coast), but there may be some back East.
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