Posted on 01/24/2005 5:54:31 AM PST by TexasCowboy
A real redneck can name the track they are racing at in the hairy-back-Earnhart-fan picture. I can, But I ain't a redneck.
Read my tagline.
Thanks! Has Pookie seen these yet? I have the sneaking suspicion that a couple of these might show up in a toon thread...
LOL!
RB
1. You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree.
2. You can entertain yourself for more than 15 minutes with a flyswatter.
3. Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.
4. You burn your yard rather than mow it.
5. You think the "Nutcracker" is something you do off the high dive.
6. The Salvation Army declines your furniture.
7. You offer to give someone the shirt off your back and they don't want it.
8. You have the local taxidermist on speed dial.
9. You come back from the dump with more than you took there.
10. You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.
11. Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.
12. Your grandmother has "ammo" on her Christmas list.
13. You keep flea and tick soap in the shower.
14. You've been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.
15. You! go to the stock car races and don't need a program.
16. You know how many bales of hay your car will hold.
17. You have a rag for a gas cap.
18. Your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does.
19. You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.
20. You can spit without opening your mouth.
21. You consider your license plate personalized because your father made it.
22. Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.
23. You have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say "Cool Whip" on the side.
24. The biggest city you've ever been to is Wal-Mart.
25. Your working TV sits on top of your non-working TV.
26. You've used your ironing board as a buffet table.
27. A tornado hits your neighborhood and does $100,000.00 worth of improvements.
28. You have used a toilet brush to scratch your back.
29. You missed your 5th grade graduation because you were on jury duty.
30. You think fast food is hitting a deer at 65 mph.
What!? No Cheetos in that gif?
WOW, these are just too darn funny :) Wouldnt it be wonderful though, it we could laugh and make fun of ALL groups of people and not have the politically correct liberals calling them hate crimes? Thanks for making me smile this morning :)
Denny Crane: "I look to two things: First to God and then to Fox News."
That's no Redneck, that's a Hippie.
He's wearing sandals instead of boots.
So9
You know you're a redneck when...
My cousins live in NC after being northerners for many years. Have a beautiful private farm with a long, rolling driveway. While out of town guests from up north were visiting, Joe took the trash out to the end of the driveway and saw a huge snake (something poisonous), pulled out his gun, shot it and was really excited to take it back up to the house to show their guests, because I guess this thing was a monster. Guests were horrified, but my cousin Barb laughed like crazy, because she said: "Wow, you know you're a redneck when you start showing off your roadkill to your northern friends!"
To add to this, a few days later, their daughter who is an entertainment exec for a large television network called them and said, 'Hi Mom - tell dad to pick up the other phone, I have someone here I want you both to say hello to.' So both Barb & Joe are on the phone, and who other than Jeff Foxworthy is on the line! They told him the roadkill story and he loved it! :)
You spray Fabreeze on your clothes instead of washing them.
ping
LOL! Could work. Unless the kidnapper is a redneck and needs the teeth!
30. Oh I just couldn't, she's only sixteen.
29. I'll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex.
28. Duct tape won't fix that.
27. Come to think of it, I'll have a Heineken.
26. We don't keep firearms in this house.
25. You can't feed that to the dog.
24. No kids in the back of the pickup, it's just not safe.
23. Wrestling's fake.
22. We're vegetarians.
21. Do you think my gut is too big?
20. I'll have grapefruit and grapes instead of biscuits and gravy.
19. Honey, we don't need another dog.
18. Who gives a dang who won the Civil War?
17. Give me the small bag of pork rinds.
16. Too many deer heads detract from the decor.
15. I just couldn't find a thing at Wal-Mart today.
14. Trim the fat off that steak.
13. Cappuccino tastes better than espresso.
12. The tires on that truck are too big.
11. I've got it all on the C: drive.
10. Unsweetened tea tastes better.
9. My fiancee, Bobbie Jo, is registered at Tiffany's.
8. I've got two cases of Zima for the Super Bowl.
7. Checkmate.
6. She's too young to be wearing a bikini.
5. Hey, here's an episode of "Hee Haw" that we haven't seen.
4. I don't have a favorite college team.
3. You All.
2. Those shorts ought to be a little longer, Betty Mae.
AND NUMBER ONE....
1. Nope, no more for me. I'm driving.
Anyone have that pic of the car (a pinto?) overloaded with sheets of plywood? I think it was taken outside of a Home Despot. None of my searches on Google can seem to locate the shot..
I don't know - she looks like she's smart enough to me
Great stories Dasaji. I can envision my husband handling the snake episode just a tad differently - he'd have pickup up the snake to show our guests a live specimen. Then he'd have duct taped the head, placed the snake in HIS freezer (we have one for his exclusive use) until he could give the snake to his taxidermist friend. LOL!
In fact, most of these photos seem to be more indicative of "White ______", than "Redneck", (at least to me).
Looks like a lot of good candidates for the show "Cops", too.
L
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