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Married, without children: Finding fulfillment with no kids
Rocky Mountain News ^ | 1/3/05 | Mark Wolf

Posted on 01/03/2005 8:31:56 AM PST by qam1

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To: All

(3) Damn Good Reasons NOT to Reproduce:
1) Other People's Kids (You can't escape them!)
2) Rebellion (Life's way too short for this adorable stage!)
3) Expense (They're an incredible cash drain!)

* Before you give me that "one less liberal" crap, I'm a die-hard Conservative!!!


641 posted on 01/04/2005 7:56:14 AM PST by PatriotBill
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To: k2blader
If one believes those covenants apply to Christians today, why would he not also believe all of God's other commands in Genesis, Exodus and Leviticus apply as well?

God's commands based in natural law (like the Ten Commandments) are eternal and eternally binding. Pastoral commands were provisional, as pastoral commands are provisional today.

But we know they do not all apply, because of Jesus Christ.

"Do not think that I have come to abolish the Law or the Prophets; I have not come to abolish them but to fulfill them. I tell you the truth, until heaven and earth disappear, not the smallest letter, not the least stroke of a pen, will by any means disappear from the Law until everything is accomplished. Anyone who breaks one of the least of these commandments and teaches others to do the same will be called least in the kingdom of heaven, but whoever practices and teaches these commands will be called great in the kingdom of heaven. For I tell you that unless your righteousness surpasses that of the Pharisees and the teachers of the law, you will certainly not enter the kingdom of heaven." " (Matthew 5:17-20)

Do you honestly believe people who do not want children should have them?

If they do not want children, they should not get married. The primary purpose of marriage is the begetting and raising of children. For Christians, the primary purpose of marriage is the begetting of children, their raising, and their preparation for heaven.

People who get married should accept the fruit of intercourse. No Christian denomination accepted artificial means of birth control until 1930, when the Lambeth Conference accepted it for hardship cases.

Additionally, consider that most couples that have "accidents" are most often pleasantly surprised. Certainly, there are some parents who may never want their children, but the suffering that these children endure can be used by God for His purposes.

Because that would be a horrible thing--to have children only because other people think you should.

See above. People who get married should accept the resulting children. Artificial contraception is the reproductive equivalent of binging and purging.

When you really think about it, it would actually be immoral: wrong to do to the child, wrong to do to oneself, wrong to do to anyone else it might affect, and thus wrong to do in God's sight.

Why immoral? Again, let's assume that the parents do not want their children even after birth. The children will certainly suffer as a result. But God can use this suffering for His ends, to bring a greater good.

Using an evil means (artificial contraception) to justify a questionable good (children not being born to parents who don't want them) is immoral.

There are many purposes for marriage. Procreation is indeed one of them. But I don't believe it's a mandate.

There are three natural purposes of marriage that we can discern using reason alone: procreation, the mutual care of the spouses, and the channeling of the sex drive.

If procreation is removed from the definition of marriage, the remaining purposes are mutual care and the channeling of the sex drive, ends that can be realized by other means. This definition strips marriage of its unique and essential feature. Consider that this definition can be applied equally to homosexuals.

I understand conservative Catholics may feel differently, and that's fine.

My argument is a natural law argument, so it applies not only to Catholics, but to all Christians, and even all people.

The sacramental nature of marriage is unique to Christianity.

642 posted on 01/04/2005 8:16:42 AM PST by Aquinasfan (Isaiah 22:22, Rev 3:7, Mat 16:19)
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To: olivia3boys
And you're right: you don't know love until you have a child.

I thought that I'd love having kids, but I had no idea how intense it would be. As soon as my first daughter was born, I felt like my heart had gone out and stuck to my daughter. It's hard to explain. I thought, "Wow, I can't believe how much I love her!" Then I thought, "Dear God, what if something ever happened to her? I couldn't live!" That's something that I'm continually working on. It gives me a greater understanding of Abraham's willingness to sacrifice Isaac, and the Father's willingness to sacrifice His only Son.

643 posted on 01/04/2005 8:24:19 AM PST by Aquinasfan (Isaiah 22:22, Rev 3:7, Mat 16:19)
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To: WolfRunnerWoman
Ann Landers' famous "The Childless Couple"

Rule #6: Ann Landers is an idiot.

644 posted on 01/04/2005 8:28:17 AM PST by Aquinasfan (Isaiah 22:22, Rev 3:7, Mat 16:19)
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To: Modernman
there is no reason to expand the American population.

Ever seen "Scrooge"?

645 posted on 01/04/2005 8:30:08 AM PST by Aquinasfan (Isaiah 22:22, Rev 3:7, Mat 16:19)
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To: Aquinasfan
Ever seen "Scrooge"?

Yeah. Why do you ask?

646 posted on 01/04/2005 8:42:31 AM PST by Modernman (What is moral is what you feel good after. - Ernest Hemingway)
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To: Modernman
And, to a large extent, bringing a child into today's American society with no hope of having that child go to college is essentially consigning that child to a lifetime of poverty.

There is a measurable correlation with lifetime income.

high school graduates can expect, on average, to earn $1.2 million; those with a bachelor's degree, $2.1 million; and people with a master's degree, $2.5 million.
But as Thomas Sowell says, you'll also find a correlation between children who have logged a lot of airplane miles and lifetime income. This doesn't mean that we should fly children around in planes all day.

Furthermore, single motherhood is by far the factor most correlated with poverty. (This fact ties in with this discussion, but you have to connect a lot of dots).

But all of this is irrelevant to the purpose of bringing children into this world: preparing them for heaven. Earth is a factory for populating heaven, not a race to see who finishes with the most toys.

647 posted on 01/04/2005 8:42:36 AM PST by Aquinasfan (Isaiah 22:22, Rev 3:7, Mat 16:19)
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To: Aquinasfan
But all of this is irrelevant to the purpose of bringing children into this world: preparing them for heaven. Earth is a factory for populating heaven, not a race to see who finishes with the most toys.

Not really relevant to this discussion. I'm much more concerned with what happens to children in this world. The hereafter, if it exists, is above my pay-grade.

648 posted on 01/04/2005 8:47:37 AM PST by Modernman (What is moral is what you feel good after. - Ernest Hemingway)
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To: freedumb2003
And God told you this directly? You have an insight into The Almighty's thoughts and desires?

What do you think God thinks of binging and purging? Why?

Now apply this line of reasoning to artificial birth control and see what you come up with.

If you're a Bible-believer, consider that the first command issued by God to his creatures is to "be fruitful and multiply."

Genesis 1:27-28

So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them. God blessed them and said to them, "Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it."


649 posted on 01/04/2005 8:52:53 AM PST by Aquinasfan (Isaiah 22:22, Rev 3:7, Mat 16:19)
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To: cyborg

I've noticed that life-changing events like the birth of children changes people. They then become a family unit and often maintain only superficial contact with once close friends. It's normal.


650 posted on 01/04/2005 8:55:21 AM PST by Bon mots
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To: Abigail Adams
God created Eve for Adam, because "it was not good for Adam to be alone." So the primary purpose of marriage is companionship.

How would marriage defined primarily as companionship be differentiable from friendship?

651 posted on 01/04/2005 8:58:22 AM PST by Aquinasfan (Isaiah 22:22, Rev 3:7, Mat 16:19)
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To: Bon mots

I agree.


652 posted on 01/04/2005 8:58:57 AM PST by cyborg (http://mentalmumblings.blogspot.com/)
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To: KevinDavis
I wish no one invented Birth control.. Trying to convince wife to start a family. She is being stubborn. She wants to wait however she is 33 and will turn 34 next month. Time is a wasting...

Yup. And getting pregnant isn't as easy as it looks, especially as a woman gets older.

Pray for her.

653 posted on 01/04/2005 9:00:12 AM PST by Aquinasfan (Isaiah 22:22, Rev 3:7, Mat 16:19)
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To: Sam Cree

"My mother, who was quite religious, often said that our main reason for being on earth was perpetuation of the species. I personally don't argue with that. "

I think our reason for being on earth is to do God's will. And his main goal on earth is to bring people to himself. Jesus commanded us to go and make disciples of all people.

If having children is so important to God, how come Jesus never said anything about it? He did tell us to love our neighbor as ourselves. I think that's what is important to him.


654 posted on 01/04/2005 9:01:51 AM PST by Abigail Adams
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To: Aquinasfan

"How would marriage defined primarily as companionship be differentiable from friendship?"

Well, isn't your marriage different from a friendship?

It seems some people think that the only reason for sex is to procreate. This is likely the belief of most Catholics, from what I understand. The Song of Solomon talks about a physical relationship between a man and a woman (as well as between Christ and the Church), and it's obvious that sex is a very enjoyable activity, created and blessed by God.


655 posted on 01/04/2005 9:04:48 AM PST by Abigail Adams
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To: EternalVigilance

I know. I was just making a lame attempt at being a grammer cop. I had to post something and if I hadn't taken the grammer to task, I may have lost control on some of the posters on this thread. I can't begin to comprehend some of the comments that are being posted by "conservatives".


656 posted on 01/04/2005 9:28:29 AM PST by CSM
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To: Aquinasfan
If they're Catholic, their marriage is non-sacramental. It's even arguable whether this is a valid natural marriage.

So couples who have infertility issues don't have a "valid, natural marriage" either?!

657 posted on 01/04/2005 9:37:02 AM PST by Tamar1973 (Liberalism is a philosophy of sniveling brats-- PJ O'Rourke)
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To: wardaddy
I did not see it, until you pinged me. But the theme is not at all uncommon, today.

It is not really subject to argument. That is, the feminists and those who disparage motherhood, either directly or by implication that some of the transient activities of the moment are equally important, have no creditable argument to make. Obviously, anyone who can see beyond next week, or a month or two longer, knows that motherhood is the role for which woman was designed; the role for which she is most qualified. Anyone who can see beyond the year after next, knows also, that motherhood is the one absolutely essential role that woman can play in her family and in her community.

You can find a substitute for any of those career pursuits. The family and society go on. You can let women vote or not vote; drive or not drive; be lawyers and doctors, or stay in their kitchens and bedrooms; and the consequences effect only those immediately involved. A mere century hence, only the students of history will even remember whether women three + generations earlier voted or not, drove or not, were allowed in the professions or not. But there is no next century for any family, community, race or nation, without motherhood.

That is my perspective on the subject. I realize that people who have made sad choices will need to rationalize their importance. But rationalizations are not reality; nor are they a substitute for real analysis.

William Flax Return Of The Gods Web Site

658 posted on 01/04/2005 10:31:57 AM PST by Ohioan
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To: Publius
Some people just shouldn't have children.

I heard a woman describe her terrible childhood. Her father walked out on the family very early in her childhood and was never heard from again. The woman vividly remembers her mother crying every day. They were poor and life was difficult.

By the grace of God, the woman became a sister. That woman is Mother Angelica. Her mother eventually became a sister and joined Mother Angelica in her convent. Mother Angelica affectionately recalls her mother addressing her as "Mother."

We shouldn't sell God short. Good can come out of suffering. Just look at the Cross.

659 posted on 01/04/2005 10:49:57 AM PST by Aquinasfan (Isaiah 22:22, Rev 3:7, Mat 16:19)
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To: Abigail Adams

I think there is something about going forth, being fruitful and multiplying. But clearly doing those things is unhelpful and harmful if not done virtuously and honorably. Not to mention that there wouldn't be anyone to do God's will without some of them doing some multiplying.

But I am not faulting those who don't have children or even disagreeing with you, merely wanted to say what it meant to me personally.

Yes, different folks take different journeys, one can be as worthwhile as another.


660 posted on 01/04/2005 10:50:04 AM PST by Sam Cree (Democrats are herd animals)
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