Married, without children: Finding fulfillment with no kids

Rocky Mountain News ^ | 1/3/05 | Mark Wolf

[SnarlinCubBear]

I have a daughter who is 36 and childless. I think it is a very good decision. She does not have the temperament to be a GOOD mother. She's a pretty emotional person, and her hubby was adopted. Neither want children, each for their own reasons. They are not selfish. They know themselves well.

[Mase]

"HOwever, many, if not most American elderly do want social security so they don't have to be maintained by their kids. That's why social security reform is such a molotov cocktail with the senior vote."


And many probably realize that their children will be unwilling or unable to take care of them anyway, which makes SS all the more important to them.

It's truly sad that so many children absolve themselves of any responsibility for taking care of their parents when they can no longer take care of themselves. For someone to post that it is selfish for parents to expect their kids to be there for them at that point in their lives vividly illustrates my point.

[Nataku X]

I've never felt the desire to have children. It's not because of career or parties or money or anything like that, it's because I just plain don't like kids. If I ever did have one though I'd raise it right... homeschooled or private schooled, no TV, lots of outdoor play, etc.

[HairOfTheDog]

I visited nursing homes with my Zulu dog when she was alive, and many of those old folks had no one visiting. We didn't send our grandparents to nursing homes, we cared for them at home till the end. It is no small concern that I may not have anyone to do that for us. It isn't the task usually accepted by nieces and nephews.

[Durus]

Maybe for "the good of society" they should be forced to have children then.

[cyborg]

You laugh because you know it' true :o)

[EternalVigilance]

Before I get off this thread and get back to work, let me say this: My kids are the most important thing on earth to me. In fact, the older you get, the more you realize that they are just about the only thing that matters at all.

[Slyfox]

all they talk about at parties, is ovulation and morning sickness

If you are an empty nester then you are not too far away from all your friends talking about nothing but who just died, their most recent bowel surgeries and golf scores.

[EternalVigilance]

Baby puke is much more pleasant than dog puke. I can say this from experience. LOL...

[HairOfTheDog]

Fair enough.... It is important. That is why I take it very seriously, and wouldn't want to do it lightly.

[Minuteman23]

Deciding not to have children is not necessarily a selfish choice at all. For many people, having children is a bad idea, medically and genetically. Since you don't know anything about my wife and I and our decision, making any statement at all about us would be presumptuous and wrong.

Quite a few people on this thread have said that their idea that people who choose not to have children are selfish excludes parents whose decisions are based on medical or genetic reasons.

[ThanhPhero]

If these were inner-city, low-income people being interviewed for the article, we would say how brave they are for breaking the cycle of welfare dependence.

Innercity low or no income people seldom seem to have the urge to go out and have no children.

[A Ruckus of Dogs]

For someone to post that it is selfish for parents to expect their kids to be there for them at that point in their lives vividly illustrates my point.

Agree. Children have been caring for elderly parents for thousands of years.

[MAWG]

My wife and I are childless by choice also. Been married for 25 years. School taxes I'm gonna pay this year are $3300.00 simply cause I own a house in Texas. I'd call that generous on my part.

[Overtaxed]

We didn't like sending her there. She needed nursing type people around 24/7 and we tried to have in-home care as much as possible.

[Bella_Bru]

Ok, ok...you seem to both be having a great time playing "Who's got it better". Neither of you is going to win this argument, except in your own minds. Some people do not like kids, do not want kids, and a re perfectly happy living without them.

The tired argument of "Who will take care of you when you are older" is pure bs as many people put their 'dear parents' out to pasture in a nursing homes anyway.

As far as social security goes, how about that personal responsibility that is always paraded about around FR? Save your own damn money instead of wringing your hands and screaming "breed so i can have a pleasant retirement!" at younger generations.

Many people could not imagine life without kids. For others, they just do not want them. Period.

And as far as treating dogs like kids, plenty of families with kids do treat the dogs like other kids as well.

[Hemingway's Ghost]

LOL! That's the first time I've ever read that admission posted on FR, but certainly not the first time it should have been posted! I know many FReepers who should have that as their tagline.

I wish I could take credit for it, but I was more or less making a joke by completing the thought that he or she left out via ellipsis.

My opinion is this: you're lucky if you can decide whether or not to have children. And if you choose to have kids or choose not to have kids, it's nobody's business but your own, and everyone else can go sh*t in their hat. The way a certain brand of lunatic on FR politicizes everything from underarm deodorant choice to bagel store patronage never ceases to amaze and amuse me.

< hand wringing > Oh no---these people don't want to have kids: the Queer Agenda must be working!!! God might kill a kitten!!!!< / hand wringing>

[durasell]

...at the very least, a bunch of parents should get together and donate a couple of their own to the childless couple. Say, eight or nine left on the doorstep with the paperwork all filled out. Say between the ages of 17 and 28.

[bigeasy_70118]

I got my dog at 18 and what's funny is most people thought I was too emotionally immature to care for the dog. It was like I was having an out of wedlock child or something. All I wanted was a jogging partner down the street car line.

Nonetheless, I am sure there's no better feeling in the world than giving our daughter away on her wedding day. Just recognize that I am just as happy taking my lab to the vet and feed her breakfast, dinner and buy her christmas presents.

[don-o]

She's a pretty emotional person, and her hubby was adopted. Neither want children, each for their own reasons. They are not selfish. They know themselves well.

Frederica Mathewes Green has an article out about how a lot of today's adults still are not grown ups at all. Don't have time now, but will look later.