[weegee]

[TheRatHunter]

So how many people besides me read "Ted Kennedy Gives Free Drinking Lessons to Poor Teens" first?

[The_Media_never_lie]

I'd rather my children take swimming lessons from Teddy.

[boothead]

Mr. Ted knocked over two garbage cans and scraped the fender on a fire hydrant,"

And then he ran into Fr. MacKelly Damn! What a driver.

[Ditto]

"Well you should be. One momentary lapse of attention, breaking one 'minor' traffic rule -- drive off a bridge with a bimbo passed out in the back seat, and bam --- just like that your chances at the White House sink faster than a 68 Olds."

[bassoonmoo]

you've got to see it to believe it!

[Elephino]

Gee, I used to not like him. Now I do.

[HardStarboard]

All the kids will be buying Oldsmobiles - they are Ted's favorite mode of transportation.

[patriot_wes]

"Ted Kennedy Gives Free Driving Lessons To Poor Teens

Bet this program will make quite a SPLASH!!!

[TChris]

"...Mr. Ted knocked over two garbage cans and scraped the fender on a fire hydrant"

Just the kind of driving instructor I want for my kids!

"Today, kids, we're going to learn how to drive DRUNK!"

[drpix]

"First lesson kids, alway wear a swimsuit when going out to drive."

[Pagey]

"But once he put me behind the wheel, he was real cool. He kept telling stories about the old days and famous people he'd met, like Bob Dylan and Fidel Castro...I didn't know who they were, but I liked that he was so friendly."

Gee, Ted Kennedy suffers from the same disease as Bill Clintoon--- "I must talk to people/someone/anyone every breathing moment of everyday in order to (feebly attempt to ) fill that vast and empty hole in my stomach". (SLAP!)

[Yaelle]

I love the Weekly World News. Do not miss this article:



Your Weekly World Tools

HOW TO TELL IF YOUR PROSTITUTE IS AN EXTRATERRESTRIAL


Here, from government experts, are 10 warning signs that the prostitute you've picked up is a sinister space babe:

1. Looks too good to be true -- If that curvy cutie working the street corner is a dead ringer for Catherine Zeta-Jones, odds are the gorgeous star isn't moonlighting. A shape-shifting ET has probably adopted the form of your dream girl.

2. Out-of-date lingo -- Alien prostitutes try to fit in by using streetwalker slang -- but often use outdated terms. A hooker who sees a police car and whispers, "Cheese it, the fuzz!" likely hails from deep space.

3. Evasive about identity and origins -- Few gals in "the life" are forthcoming about their full names. But a scarlet woman who refuses even to divulge where she comes from -- vaguely describing her birthplace as "the Midwest" or "overseas" -- could be an ET.

4. Odd, hard-to-place accent. "They have trouble pronouncing the letter 'R,' " Manling reveals.

5. Unusually petite -- The average alien hooker stands roughly 5 feet tall, but may attempt to disguise her size with ridiculously high heels.

6. Sex was "unbelievable." If the encounter was "everything you've always fantasized about," chances are the memory was implanted by ETs.

7. Missing time -- If you paid for an hour with a hooker, but your watch indicates four hours have gone by, this suggests part of your memory of the encounter has been erased.

8. Seems telepathic -- A fallen woman who finishes your sentences or slips up and mentions your real name when you've given her a bogus one, is probably invading your thoughts -- and our planet.

9. Over-perfumed -- Hookers from outer space often try to mask their peculiar ET body odor.

10. Squeamish about spanking -- Terrestrial prostitutes are willing to perform virtually every sexual act if the money is right. But ETs don't like having their butts touched.

Published on: 09/02/2004

[lotusblos]

That was good. I really enjoyed it. He should be forced to teach all Massachusetts kids to drive. That would sure cut down the liberal population.

[riri]

Admittedly I have not read all the responses but has anyone missed the most obvious observation--poor, driving lessons, car ownership? Have the definitions of poor changed? I don't have a plasma TV yet--does that mean I fit the definition of poor?

[fish hawk]

Most of the students are majoring in Driving and Minoring in swimming.

[Deetes]

Does the lesson come with a class on MURDER :-/

[Mike1973]

Ted is just desperate for a designated driver.

[kabar]

Could this article be related to this one?

http://www.weeklyworldnews.com/features/science/61484

[GOP_Raider]

Next to the DUmmie FUnnies, this is the funniest thing I've heard all day.

[Dante3]

This sounds like a joke. Brings back memories of Mary Jo.