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Ted Kennedy Gives Free Driving Lessons To Poor Teens
Weekly World News ^ | Published on: 11/01/2004 | By MICHAEL FORSYTH

Posted on 12/09/2004 2:37:55 PM PST by weegee

Super-compassionate liberal Senator Ted Kennedy is one of the richest politicians in America, but he's quietly giving back -- by teaching poor inner-city teens to drive, free of charge!

That's the surprising revelation of a clergyman who coordinates the program, based in a community center in Washington, D.C.

"Teddy doesn't charge these kids a dime and doesn't take any credit," reveals Father Bryan MacKelly. "He volunteers his time on the down-low -- he doesn't really want the media to make a big deal about his personal generosity.

"He told me, 'Safe driving is a skill every young American deserves to have -- not just the rich.' "

The bighearted Massachusetts senator drives himself to the community center in an unobtrusive old Pontiac he uses to give the free one-hour lessons.

"He comes and goes without waiting for thanks, like the Lone Ranger," Fr. MacKelly marvels.

When the roly-poly, silver-haired politician first showed up and was introduced as the new driving instructor, the high-schoolers -- ages 16 to 18 -- were shocked.

"Who's the weird fat dude?" one youth asked.

After Fr. MacKelly introduced him as Ted Kennedy, the teens were even more awestruck.

"It's the dude who got assassinated, y'all," another youth whispered.

Fr. MacKelly hastily explained that it was Ted's older brother, President John F. Kennedy, who was murdered in Dallas.

Lakwanda, 17, was one of the first pupils to go for a spin with the legendary lawmaker.

"At first, I was real nervous, 'cause pulling out from the curb, Mr. Ted knocked over two garbage cans and scraped the fender on a fire hydrant," she recalls. "He laughed and apologized and told me it had been a while since he did his own driving.

"But once he put me behind the wheel, he was real cool. He kept telling stories about the old days and famous people he'd met, like Bob Dylan and Fidel Castro.

"I didn't know who they were, but I liked that he was so friendly."

The senator, who was involved in the infamous 1969 Chappaquiddick car accident in which a young woman drowned, makes no attempt to downplay the tragedy during lessons. Instead, he uses the incident as a cautionary tale.

"Some of you may be a little scared of driving," he tells the youngsters. "Well you should be. One momentary lapse of attention, breaking one 'minor' traffic rule and you or a loved one could wind up dead."

The senator has been giving lessons since February, when he ran into Fr. MacKelly at a charitable function.

"I was telling Teddy about some of our programs," the pastor remembers. "When I mentioned we had two volunteer driving instructors and were looking for a third, his eyes lit up."


TOPICS: Political Humor/Cartoons
KEYWORDS: drivinglessons; kennedylegacy; swimminglessons; teddykennedy; tedkennedy; theswimmer
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To: weegee

"The senator, who was involved in the infamous 1969 Chappaquiddick car accident in which a young woman drowned, makes no attempt to downplay the tragedy during lessons. Instead, he uses the incident as a cautionary tale."

Does he caution against drunk driving?

Or, does he caution the female students against getting into cars with Kennedys?

Or, perhaps he uses Chappaquiddick to caution female students to take their birth control pills regularly and, if that fails, to get an abortion without complaint.


21 posted on 12/09/2004 2:45:21 PM PST by RBroadfoot
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To: weegee

Certainly this article is a farce!


22 posted on 12/09/2004 2:46:13 PM PST by RBroadfoot
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To: weegee
I have one other question does he take his dog Splash along, now that name is not a joke, where this article maybe.

With the way the legacy press has been working, this mag has as much veracity as they do.

23 posted on 12/09/2004 2:46:50 PM PST by dts32041 (When did the Democratic party stop being the political arm of the KKK?)
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To: weegee
"It's the dude who got assassinated, y'all," another youth whispered.

Fr. MacKelly hastily explained that it was Ted's older brother, President John F. Kennedy, who was murdered in Dallas.

Lakwanda, 17, was one of the first pupils to go for a spin with the legendary lawmaker.

"At first, I was real nervous, 'cause pulling out from the curb, Mr. Ted knocked over two garbage cans and scraped the fender on a fire hydrant," she recalls. "He laughed and apologized and told me it had been a while since he did his own driving.

"But once he put me behind the wheel, he was real cool. He kept telling stories about the old days and famous people he'd met, like Bob Dylan and Fidel Castro.

"I didn't know who they were, but I liked that he was so friendly."


24 posted on 12/09/2004 2:47:19 PM PST by .38sw (oh wait - Weekly World News. I guess you CAN make it up~)
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To: weegee

25 posted on 12/09/2004 2:47:37 PM PST by glock rocks ("Having children is like getting a bowling alley installed in your brain." - Martin Mull)
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To: bahblahbah

"I'm a ba-a-a-a-d boy."

26 posted on 12/09/2004 2:47:48 PM PST by weegee (WE FOUGHT ZOGBYISM November 2, 2004 - 60 Million Voters versus 60 Minutes - BUSH WINS!!!)
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To: weegee
The senator, who was involved in the infamous 1969 Chappaquiddick car accident in which a young woman drowned...

I suspect this is mostly a BS story (about the driving lessons), however, can't help but notice that particular sentence is constructed in such a way as to make the uninitiated think that more than one person was "involved", thus relieving Der Schwimmer of a large part of the responsiblilty.

27 posted on 12/09/2004 2:49:05 PM PST by OldSmaj (Islam is a false religion. It's adherents and followers are doomed to hell.)
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To: weegee

So how many people besides me read "Ted Kennedy Gives Free Drinking Lessons to Poor Teens" first?


28 posted on 12/09/2004 2:49:30 PM PST by TheRatHunter
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To: weegee

I'd rather my children take swimming lessons from Teddy.


29 posted on 12/09/2004 2:51:32 PM PST by The_Media_never_lie
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To: weegee
Mr. Ted knocked over two garbage cans and scraped the fender on a fire hydrant,"

And then he ran into Fr. MacKelly Damn! What a driver.

30 posted on 12/09/2004 2:52:46 PM PST by boothead
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To: weegee
"Well you should be. One momentary lapse of attention, breaking one 'minor' traffic rule -- drive off a bridge with a bimbo passed out in the back seat, and bam --- just like that your chances at the White House sink faster than a 68 Olds."
31 posted on 12/09/2004 2:54:56 PM PST by Ditto ( No trees were killed in sending this message, but billions of electrons were inconvenienced.)
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To: lupie; radish42

you've got to see it to believe it!


32 posted on 12/09/2004 2:55:00 PM PST by bassoonmoo
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To: blackeagle

Good God, now I have seen it all. What a symbol for safe driving. (does the plan include swimming lessons?)


33 posted on 12/09/2004 2:55:12 PM PST by matchwood
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To: weegee

Gee, I used to not like him. Now I do.


34 posted on 12/09/2004 2:55:26 PM PST by Elephino
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To: weegee

All the kids will be buying Oldsmobiles - they are Ted's favorite mode of transportation.


35 posted on 12/09/2004 2:56:29 PM PST by HardStarboard (Surrounded by Kerry/Edwards Signs in Washington State)
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To: weegee
"Ted Kennedy Gives Free Driving Lessons To Poor Teens

Bet this program will make quite a SPLASH!!!

36 posted on 12/09/2004 2:57:16 PM PST by patriot_wes
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To: patriot_wes

What's next, JFK Jr. giving flying lessons...no...wait....nevermind.


37 posted on 12/09/2004 2:58:51 PM PST by dfwgator (It's sad that the news media treats Michael Jackson better than our military.)
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To: weegee
"...Mr. Ted knocked over two garbage cans and scraped the fender on a fire hydrant"

Just the kind of driving instructor I want for my kids!

"Today, kids, we're going to learn how to drive DRUNK!"

38 posted on 12/09/2004 2:59:51 PM PST by TChris (You keep using that word. I don't think it means what yHello, I'm a TAGLINE vir)
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To: Fiddlstix
SCIENTIST REVEALS: THUNDER CAUSED BY FAT PEOPLE DOING JUMPING JACKS
39 posted on 12/09/2004 3:01:24 PM PST by MarkeyD (<a href="http://www.johnkerry.com">Loser</a>)
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To: weegee
"First lesson kids, alway wear a swimsuit when going out to drive."

40 posted on 12/09/2004 3:01:51 PM PST by drpix
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