Posted on 12/09/2004 2:37:55 PM PST by weegee
Super-compassionate liberal Senator Ted Kennedy is one of the richest politicians in America, but he's quietly giving back -- by teaching poor inner-city teens to drive, free of charge!
That's the surprising revelation of a clergyman who coordinates the program, based in a community center in Washington, D.C.
"Teddy doesn't charge these kids a dime and doesn't take any credit," reveals Father Bryan MacKelly. "He volunteers his time on the down-low -- he doesn't really want the media to make a big deal about his personal generosity.
"He told me, 'Safe driving is a skill every young American deserves to have -- not just the rich.' "
The bighearted Massachusetts senator drives himself to the community center in an unobtrusive old Pontiac he uses to give the free one-hour lessons.
"He comes and goes without waiting for thanks, like the Lone Ranger," Fr. MacKelly marvels.
When the roly-poly, silver-haired politician first showed up and was introduced as the new driving instructor, the high-schoolers -- ages 16 to 18 -- were shocked.
"Who's the weird fat dude?" one youth asked.
After Fr. MacKelly introduced him as Ted Kennedy, the teens were even more awestruck.
"It's the dude who got assassinated, y'all," another youth whispered.
Fr. MacKelly hastily explained that it was Ted's older brother, President John F. Kennedy, who was murdered in Dallas.
Lakwanda, 17, was one of the first pupils to go for a spin with the legendary lawmaker.
"At first, I was real nervous, 'cause pulling out from the curb, Mr. Ted knocked over two garbage cans and scraped the fender on a fire hydrant," she recalls. "He laughed and apologized and told me it had been a while since he did his own driving.
"But once he put me behind the wheel, he was real cool. He kept telling stories about the old days and famous people he'd met, like Bob Dylan and Fidel Castro.
"I didn't know who they were, but I liked that he was so friendly."
The senator, who was involved in the infamous 1969 Chappaquiddick car accident in which a young woman drowned, makes no attempt to downplay the tragedy during lessons. Instead, he uses the incident as a cautionary tale.
"Some of you may be a little scared of driving," he tells the youngsters. "Well you should be. One momentary lapse of attention, breaking one 'minor' traffic rule and you or a loved one could wind up dead."
The senator has been giving lessons since February, when he ran into Fr. MacKelly at a charitable function.
"I was telling Teddy about some of our programs," the pastor remembers. "When I mentioned we had two volunteer driving instructors and were looking for a third, his eyes lit up."
"The senator, who was involved in the infamous 1969 Chappaquiddick car accident in which a young woman drowned, makes no attempt to downplay the tragedy during lessons. Instead, he uses the incident as a cautionary tale."
Does he caution against drunk driving?
Or, does he caution the female students against getting into cars with Kennedys?
Or, perhaps he uses Chappaquiddick to caution female students to take their birth control pills regularly and, if that fails, to get an abortion without complaint.
Certainly this article is a farce!
With the way the legacy press has been working, this mag has as much veracity as they do.
Fr. MacKelly hastily explained that it was Ted's older brother, President John F. Kennedy, who was murdered in Dallas.
Lakwanda, 17, was one of the first pupils to go for a spin with the legendary lawmaker.
"At first, I was real nervous, 'cause pulling out from the curb, Mr. Ted knocked over two garbage cans and scraped the fender on a fire hydrant," she recalls. "He laughed and apologized and told me it had been a while since he did his own driving.
"But once he put me behind the wheel, he was real cool. He kept telling stories about the old days and famous people he'd met, like Bob Dylan and Fidel Castro.
"I didn't know who they were, but I liked that he was so friendly."
"I'm a ba-a-a-a-d boy."
I suspect this is mostly a BS story (about the driving lessons), however, can't help but notice that particular sentence is constructed in such a way as to make the uninitiated think that more than one person was "involved", thus relieving Der Schwimmer of a large part of the responsiblilty.
So how many people besides me read "Ted Kennedy Gives Free Drinking Lessons to Poor Teens" first?
I'd rather my children take swimming lessons from Teddy.
And then he ran into Fr. MacKelly Damn! What a driver.
you've got to see it to believe it!
Good God, now I have seen it all. What a symbol for safe driving. (does the plan include swimming lessons?)
Gee, I used to not like him. Now I do.
All the kids will be buying Oldsmobiles - they are Ted's favorite mode of transportation.
Bet this program will make quite a SPLASH!!!
What's next, JFK Jr. giving flying lessons...no...wait....nevermind.
Just the kind of driving instructor I want for my kids!
"Today, kids, we're going to learn how to drive DRUNK!"
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